


Dearly (You are beloved)

by lightwavesurfer



Series: tell me what is love [7]
Category: K-pop, Real Person Fiction, TWICE (Band)
Genre: Co-workers, F/F, Romance, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2019-08-04 21:33:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16354667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightwavesurfer/pseuds/lightwavesurfer
Summary: Momo and Mina might not be the most well-matched co-worker ever, but they kind of compatible in a way that they can't really comprehend. It's confusing, and sometimes adult makes mistakes too.





	1. Thoughts, impressions.

**Author's Note:**

> insert itsbeen84years.gif here.
> 
> Wow, I've been in a cave for damn too long, it physically confuses me to write again. 
> 
> It will take time to update this time because, well, I'm an adult with responsibilities. But I'll keep trying to deliver an enjoyable story for all of you.
> 
> For your listening pleasure.
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/lightwavesurfer48/playlist/2FsjBaCnLmF3CWqc8AudO5?si=z2n5KucGSqqqdUZH9pm3CQ

_I don't know who you are_  
But I think I wanna be your friend  
You saw my hands were tied  
Come on over, unstrung me

_Cessyl Orchestra – Into the Trance_

Momo’s first impression of her was terrible.

It’s supposed to be a normal day for her. Momo came all the way from Osaka to Tokyo because the management was considering using her design for the upcoming campaign. She was expecting to receive constructive criticism— or even praise. She been optimistic about the meeting and ended up slaughtered without mercy.

 “Tell me, how can you expect people to understand what our clients are trying to convey with this kind of design? It’s too subtle, abstract even, I don’t even understand what it tries to convey.”

The woman continued, flipping pages after pages without giving them second look.

“Are you even paying attention to the details, Hirai- _san_?” that voice was smooth and cool; there’s no soft edge around it, “you really need to take your job seriously.”

Momo looked down, the tips of her ears turning to red. Her head was spinning, convoluted in emotions that she could describe as anger and humiliation. She could feel the eyes of other examiners (namely the regional managers) were on her, staring at her in a combination of pity and mockery.

And while Momo was glad that she had to leave Tokyo on the same day, the meeting had left a sour taste in her mouth and Momo wished she didn’t have to cross path with that devil again.

And if God was merciful enough, he’d listen to Momo’s wish. Unfortunately, Momo wasn’t dutiful enough to go to the shrine or even did the morning prayers, because she almost had an aneurysm when she saw that woman, _the same annoying woman_ , standing beside the director in the company’s town hall meeting two weeks later.

“So, as you see, the head office had assigned me as an acting manager for the marketing department here,” the woman said in that same smooth and cool voice of hers.

Momo stood straight on her heels, repressing the uncomfortable thoughts from their last encounter. She was staring at the woman, hoping that her glare was hot enough to burn a hole in that wide forehead.

“My name is Myoui Mina,” she finished her introduction with a curt nod. She gave out a smile, polite but fake. “I’m looking forward to working with all of you.”

*

Myoui Mina was more than just a pretty face.

In the office, Mina would diligently work on her tasks, attending meetings with potential clients, increasing the efficiency for the ongoing campaign, and meticulously checking on the team’s work progress. Her fingers were clacking on the keyboard; her blunt, plain nails wrote something on her note while her thin lips slowly mouthing words like she’d rehearsed this thing over and over. When the clock finally hit five, she would bolt off the room and go straight to the elevator without sparing her surroundings a look or two.

Mina was doing her job well enough and it reflected on the marketing department increased performance. One thing that Momo noticed: Mina wasn’t a sociable person, and the truth was, everyone in the marketing department didn’t even know who Mina was.

Two months had passed since then and Mina’s existence was still a mystery to Momo and everyone else.

But of course, good work ethic wasn’t always received with compliments.

“So she never does any overtime?” A woman with tiny curls dyed in reddish brown asked Momo when they all gathered together at the pantry for lunch.

“No. She's always going home at five every day,” Momo replied. She sipped on her green tea and let out a sigh at the comfortable warmth going down her throat. “Considering her workloads, I’m surprised to see that she managed to finish her job in one day.”

“Well, duh, she must have it easy. The management backed her up right?”

“I heard that she was quite popular amongst the senior officials too,” another employee parroted as if that’s the biggest fact of the century. “I mean, that’s kinda obvious.”

“Give it a rest,” Momo cut them off, feeling suddenly uncomfortable with how nonchalant some people could be. “Maybe she’s just that good.”

“Why do you sound like you’re defending her?”

Momo didn’t defend Mina. In fact, Momo still held her distaste towards the woman after their disastrous meeting in Tokyo. It just didn’t sit right for her to hear people saying off-putting about Myoui without knowing the fact.

 _Oh hell,_ Momo stopped herself. She didn’t like how her conscience seemed to soften for the woman.

“By the way, I heard you moved to the new apartment? It’s bigger than the previous one, right?”

“Yeah,” Momo answered the question quickly and, for some reasons, relieved that the conversation had changed to a more comfortable topic. “Actually, I’ll be staying there tonight since I already packed all my things.”

“So when is the celebration?” the red-haired woman nudged Momo with a sly grin, “how about we throw a mixer party too while we’re at it?”

Momo offered a curt smile. She never liked bringing anyone home, especially men whom she met on a mixer. Some of them were pushy, some were trying too hard to impress her by acting as if they care about Momo’s job as a designer, and the others were just… hopeless.

She was glad she never attracted to men in the first place.

“Maybe some other time,” was all Momo could suffice.

It was then she heard to a familiar clack of heels coming into the room. The temperature seemed to drop when she saw Myoui Mina, dressed in her white blouse, black pencil skirt, and her designer heels. Her glasses perched on the top of her head and even though Momo didn’t want to admit it, she’d been noticing the obvious black circle under Mina’s eyes. She continued watching as Mina approached the counter and poured hot water from the kettle into her mug. Mina was about to stir when she suddenly stopped as if remembering something.

“What is she doing?”

“Ask her, Hirai.”

“Why me?”Momo almost hissed her answer.

“Just do it. It’s weird having her here.”

Momo resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She walked toward Mina, and Momo suddenly felt rather conscious about her appearance. They’re at the same age, but the difference between them was like night and day.

Mina was all about elegance and professionalism with how she dressed; understandable because Mina was the first line in the department to engage the clients. And Momo…well, Momo wore her favorite skinny jeans, a red plaid shirt, and a pair of city worn converse. Simple and clean, and she loved it. Nothing about Momo’s appearance was special and she suddenly regretted her decision to approach Mina.

“Need help?” Momo greeted with a strained smile; a strong scent of coffee entered her nose.

“Where’s the sugar?”

Momo peeked into the cabinet and saw there’s an empty container on the top of the shelf. “Ah, seems the folks in general affair forgot to restock.”

Mina sighed, and Momo almost surprised herself with how troubled the manager was looking right now. Again, it took a lot of effort from Momo to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Behind her, the other two women were giggling under their breath.

“Hate bitter coffee?”

“I hate _all_ bitter things,” Mina gritted it out between her teeth as if she’s chanting a curse. Seeing the usually stoic manager acting like a child like this was endearing.

Well, **_almost_** endearing.

“It ain’t taste that bad.”

Mina wrinkled her nose in distaste, and then she looked at Momo and pushed the mug to the other woman’s hand. “You can have it.”

Momo’s eye grew incredulously wide. “Wha-”

“You said bitter coffee ain’t taste bad, right? Well, this one’s for you,” Mina waved her answer with a shrug as she prepared to leave but before giving Momo a stern look. “Oh yes, about the new design I ask you yesterday? I want it this afternoon.”

Once Mina was out, the giggle erupted to a laugh. “At least she gave you free coffee,” one of them hollered at the unexpected turn while Momo was standing stupefied.

Momo stared down at the steaming coffee in her hand. The laughter still echoed in her ears.

 _Yeah,_ she decided. She still hated Myoui Mina.

*

It was night time when Momo arrived, almost close to 11 pm, and Momo blamed it on her job. Endless tasks, scrapped designs, and the quickly approaching deadline. Momo swore she could hear her brain boiling inside her skull as she dragged her feet through the main lobby, feeling her stomach rumble and regretting not taking a detour to the convenience store.

Her gaze was focused on the increasing number on the elevator panel. The slow hum from the machine almost lulled her to sleep just as the bell rang when she arrived on her floor.

When she made her way through the hallway, she noticed that someone was leaning on the railing, white smoke floating above their head. Momo wrinkled her nose in disgust. She hated smokers.

 “Hirai?”

The voice was familiar. Momo looked over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes. The peculiar scent of tobacco made her head dizzy.

“Manager,” she said it like a statement.

Momo didn’t even try to hide her annoyance at the sight of this woman. She realized that she’s not in the office anymore, so there’s no obligation for her to keep a formal upbringing, but this encounter was unexpected and Momo’s brain wasn’t ready to accept the fact that she and Mina lived in the same apartment building.

 “You’re home late.”

“And whose fault is that?”

Mina’s smile was easy when as she took a step forward to get a better look of Momo. She put off her cigarette and threw it into the garbage bin. “I suppose you already finish it, right?”

“Just make sure to check it again tomorrow and do me some favor by approving it, thank you very much.”

Mina didn’t bother to reply the blunt sarcasm. “So,you’re the new tenant that the superintendent has been speaking of. Never thought you’d live next to me.”

“Honestly, the fact that we live next to each other sounds suspiciously like a bad plot from a drama.”

Mina chuckled with an air of mirth escaped from her breath. “You’re awfully talk active when you’re tired huh?”

Momo bit the inside of her cheek. She’s supposed to be in her room right now, soaking in a tub full of warm water, washing away the bitterness and exhaustion she’d endured the whole day, and guess what, the universe seemed to love toying with her because she had to waste her time talking to Mina.

“I don’t want to make it sound like I’m rude, but can we have this friendly neighborhood chatting next time because, yeah… I just had an overtime to finish the design you asked me to? And we still have to work tomorrow?”

“Did you just scoff at me?”

“We’re not in the office,” Momo took a step forward. Her voice dropped lower. Mina was an inch shorter when she’s not wearing her heels. The fact that she could glare at Mina like what she did right now could make her forget about her aching back. Call it petty satisfaction, Momo didn’t care. “You better tone down the attitude because you’re starting to piss me of.”

Mina didn’t falter. She glared back at Momo. The lighting from the hallways cast a sharp shadow over her face. “You could just say it, you know.”

Momo blinked at the statement.

“You’re still angry about what I told you back in Tokyo, right?” Mina concluded almost as easily as the knowing smile curling along her red lips. “Now I know that you’re the type that holds grudges.”

Momo’s brows met in a frown as she slowly stepped back. Instead of getting angrier, Momo felt somewhat ashamed when she realized that she’s just being petty. “Ugh, shut up,” she hissed as leaned onto the wall, “why are you here?”

Mina tilted her head in a way that Momo thought was too cute to her liking because someone like Mina should never act cute. Cute was Mina’s antithesis and Momo quickly surmised that she’s too tired to deal with any of this.

“Because my room is next to you?” Mina asked, the question now sounded like a tease.

“That’s not the point,” Momo cut in, annoyance seeping in her words, “like, it’s almost midnight and you’re here smoking like you’re having a nice break while I’m working myself to the bones.”

“And is that supposed to be a problem?”

Momo almost pulled her hair in frustration. Either Mina was that dense or she’s just trying to rile her up. “What kind of manager who doesn’t do overtime!?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why? Too busy ‘entertaining’ our clients?”

Maybe she’s too tired or her brain wasn’t correctly wired to her mouth because the second Momo realized what she had said, she wanted nothing but to have a black hole to devour her because, really, _what the fuck are you saying Hirai Momo, did you seriously just asking_ your boss _that?_

But Momo didn’t hear any outburst or anything. It was quiet. Mina looked to the side, seemingly avoiding the question without really telling the answer.

And Mina was looking strangely beautiful, like, whatever little light there was hit Mina’s face perfectly to the point that she looked so out of this world. Like a ghost, but a really pretty ghost, the kind that would ensnare you to your death if you ever get too close.

“You can come late tomorrow,” the tone of Mina’s voice was final, prompting Momo to look up at her in surprise. She could only watch as Mina walked to the door and returned back to her room, leaving a soft click as the final closure of their antagonistic conversation.

Knots tangled in Momo’s throat.

She didn’t need to know what it was.

*

“Ah Hirai- _san_ , good morning,” the receptionist greeted her the next morning just as Momo stepped out from the elevator.

Stifling a yawn, Momo replied with a wave of her hand. “Morning.”

“Myoui- _san_ told me to give this to you.”

Suddenly, she didn’t feel so sleepy anymore. Momo accepted the paper bag with both hands and peeked inside. The container was still warm and there’s a scent of food from it.

“Ah, Myoui- _san_ is the woman who lives next door to you. She—”

“I know,” Momo cut him off. It’s a bit rude, but Momo was thinking more about Mina right now. They were just arguing last night; Momo had spent many days loathing Mina in secret, but _this_ wasn’t a part of her routine. Momo took a seat on the nearest couch, exhaling softly, and began opening the package.

Mina packed her rice balls, nothing too extravagant. There’s a small note tucked neatly on the lid.

_Sorry for last night. I hope you like it._

Signed Myoui Mina.

And as Momo quietly chewed the food, something weird started to grow on her chest.

She really needed to talk to Mina about this.

*

Momo glared at the computer screen with such intensity that’s possible for it to explode and burn everything on her desk. She pinched the area between her brows and sighed in frustration. Work had been really demanding and Momo was starting to lose her confidence if she could finish this job on time.

Momo gave the window a forlorn look and let her mind wander. It’d been a while since she had a vacation, then she remembered that she received a call from her parents, asking her to come home for her little sister’s birthday next week. Momo blinked. She’s distracted yet again and turned the monitor off. It’s useless trying to working now.

She made her way to the pantry. Unsurprisingly, she saw Mina already standing by the counter, clearly needing caffeine to keep a headache away.

Clearing her throat, Momo approached Mina; her step was slow and measured.

“Hey.”

Mina spared Momo a glance before returning to stir her coffee. “Anything to discuss?”

Mina’s voice was monotonous. Momo almost wondered if Mina was actually a robot and there’s USB socket on the back of Mina’s neck.

“We’re allowed to talk about other things, you know?” Momo replied with a scoff as she took a mug from the cabinet. She shifted on her shoes with her brain spinning a mile to find something to say. “The food was good.”

“What?”

“The rice balls. They tasted pretty good.”

Mina let out a hum. “Did you expect anything less?”

“I thought it was poisoned.”

There’s a hiss. From the corner of her eyes, Momo could see that Mina was visibly shaking her head. “Thanks for the idea, genius. I will _seriously_ consider it.”

The satisfaction of teasing Mina, her manager, the same woman who told her she sucked, returned and Momo would enjoy every second of it.

“You didn’t do that because you’re guilty for overworking me _and_ for telling me that my design was ‘too abstract’ to your liking, right?” 

She heard Mina groan. “God, you never let that one go huh?”

“Nope. Never. I worked on it for three days, without any sleep, and you had to act like a bitch about it,” Momo poured the coffee into her mug and took a sip, wincing at the taste.

When Mina didn’t immediately reply, Momo took her time to watch the woman. Things she noticed: Mina was beautiful. Those round eyes were clear and sharp, her hair was swept to a side ponytail and her bangs were covering her forehead. The usually stoic face was looking somber as Mina looked down, away from Momo’s curious look.

“Honestly, you’re kind of letting me down,” Mina said. Or quipped. The corners of her mouth dropped in a pout.

Momo’s eyes widen. She thought she’d received some kind of clarity, but listening to it directly from Mina was kind of sting—something that Momo never expected.

Mina shrugged. “I’ve seen your other designs for our previous campaigns. They’re really good, so I have a very high expectation when you submit your work. Instead, I was really disappointed.”

“But I work really hard on that one.”

“I understand, that’s why you came to me with that sort of entitled attitude. You’re overconfident, your latest submission was mediocre at best, and you think that you’d get chosen no matter what.”

Momo winced when Mina turned to look at her. She was expecting another judging look, but instead, she saw brief regret flashing in Mina’s eyes “but you take pride in everything you do, and maybe that’s why I envy you.”

Momo almost broke her neck with how fast she turned to look at Mina.

“What?”

“I’m competent at my job, but people often say that I’m disagreeable, too stubborn. You even saw how that first meeting went.”

On the second day of the job, Mina gathered everyone (including Momo) in the meeting room to discuss the current issues and announcing that there’s a change in some of the rules.

Of course, not everyone agreed with Mina’s policy. There were arguments, one that almost escalated to a fistfight because Mina was too strict and demand for a swift change, while the staffs thought that Mina was disrupting their usual workflow. Momo heard rumors that some of her colleagues were sending notification letters to HR, asking to be relocated to another branch, while some of them were resigning for obvious reasons.

But nobody resigned nor relocated. All of them stayed and, begrudgingly, worked under the new manager’s reign.

Momo winced at the memory. The first three weeks were rough for all of them.

“Maybe you’re thinking about it too,” Mina dropped her hands and let out a dejected sigh, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said any of those things to you.”

Maybe it’d be easier for Momo if Mina was her usual condescending self, considering how much snide came out from their mouths in the presence of one another. But this apology was something that Momo couldn’t comprehend. What should she say anyway, ‘ _Thank you for acknowledging your fault; now how about you also fix the attitude too’_?

“Apology accepted,” Momo finally spoke, quieter than before.

Mina chuckled under her breath. “I opened my heart to you but you can’t even make a proper response. That’s a bit lame, don’t you think?”

“Hey, you just apologized!” Momo protested.

Mina shrugged, a bit too graceful and Momo wondered if Mina was even allowed to do that. The manager picked her mug and gave Momo one glance. “Don’t forget to send me your weekly report before four.”

 “Thanks for being annoying!” she said out loud and received nothing but a simple hand wave from Mina.

Momo growled under her breath, feeling anger bubbling on her throat once more.

*

Fortunately, Mina wasn’t present in the office tomorrow as Momo found out that the manager went to the head office in Tokyo for three days. And while most of her colleagues were literally cheering at the lack of strict supervision, Momo still felt somewhat uneasy although she tried to keep the unwanted feeling away from interfering.

And so, Momo focused on doing her job, answering design requests through emails, working on administration because she’s bored, and going home while enjoying warm sunlight above her head. She still kept the lunchbox with her, tucked neatly in her kitchen. Sometime Momo would throw a brief glance toward Mina’s door before realizing that she had no reason to do that.

Momo was humming as she trudged to the elevator with grocery bags in her hands. This was one of the few days where Momo had the chance to cook dinner by herself. Cooking was her favorite past time, but her job didn’t give her much time to sleep, much less cooking, so Momo had been withstanding warmed-up foods and instant noodles these days.

When she stepped into the hallway, she saw Mina standing in front of her room. Momo didn’t say anything, not because she didn’t want to greet Mina, but it’s because Mina wasn’t alone.

A little girl, age probably nine or ten years old, was standing near Mina, her tiny hands clinging on the woman’s skirt as she told Mina something that Momo couldn’t hear. And when Momo looked up, she couldn’t almost believe her eyes when she saw Mina was smiling, not that sharp curl of lips or another arrogant smirk, but it’s a real smile with real feelings—

“Oh Hirai,” Momo didn’t realize that she’d been standing like a blithering fool with her mouth hung open. “Didn’t see you there. How’s office today?”

Momo quickly snapped her jaw shut. The prospect of just running into her room was tempting but she felt like she owed Mina something—and that little girl was also giving her a look too.

“Uh, ye-yeah. Everything’s fine,” Momo scratched the back of her neck. Her brain was spinning a mile for an excuse. “And how about you?”

“Well, it’s boring like usual,” Mina replied with a shrug. Momo’s eyes caught Mina’s fingers atop the girl’s head, caressing the soft-looking hair with such care. “I bailed once I did my part.”

“Is that even allowed? I mean, shouldn’t you follow the meeting until it’s done?”

Mina let out a chuckle. “They’ll send me a summary. What’s the point of listening to a bunch of men rambling in circles?”

Momo could understand the sentiment, but her attention was divided between Mina and the little girl who stared curiously at her. Now that she was closer, Momo could see a resemblance between Mina and the little girl. Both of them had those lips and pair of soft eyes that glimmered under the afternoon sunlight, very pretty and—

Momo slapped herself mentally for letting her thoughts go wild.

“Ah, this is Karen,” Mina nudged the little girl softly on the back. Momo could only watch as the girl took a small step toward her; it’s very obvious that she was shy but the look on Karen’s eyes was prim and determined. And just like her name, the girl was pretty up close too.

Giving out her best smile, Momo leaned down to greet the young girl. “Hello. I’m Momo.”

Karen replied with a nod before quickly running back to Mina’s side. Mina could only give an apologetic smile. “She’s kind of shy. Forgive her.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” Momo replied, smiling to herself for no reason, “your niece?”

Mina shook her head.

“No. She is my daughter.”

….

The grocery bag in Momo’s hands dropped to the floor with a dull thud.


	2. Secrets, something about you

_Oh, to see without my eyes_

_The first time that you kissed me_

_Boundless by the time I cried_

_I built your walls around me_

_Sufjan Stevens – Mystery of Love_

 

“May I sit next to you, Hirai?”

Momo looked up and blinked. Today, Mina ditched the pencil skirt and went with black skinny jeans, heels, and a red blouse. Momo caught the scent of jasmine, definitely expensive perfume—probably Dior, and Momo resisted the urge to wrinkle her nose. The scent was nice but it’s from Mina. A hazardous side effect was just inevitable.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

The chair squeaked against the floor as Mina sat down. Momo took a small peek of Mina’s lunch, selfishly assuming that the manager probably had an expensive set of bento, and ended up quite disappointed when she found out that Mina’s lunch was pretty modest: rice topped with dried seaweeds, fried chicken fillet, veggies, and fruit salad. All of them neatly packed in a simple lunchbox.

Although it confused her as to why Mina picked this table, Momo preferred to think about something else. She averted her gaze from the intruder and stared at the sky outside, letting her mind wandering over the clouds while chewing down the rice ball. The weather was quite nice, even the sunlight of late spring was warm against the skin. At that moment, Momo could forget how hectic her life was and just enjoying the silence.

A tone rang off. From the corner of her eyes, Momo caught Mina was talking on the phone. Her voice was stern and Momo caught something like ‘not a part of the job’ and other things that Momo didn’t quite catch up. The woman continued observing Mina through the window glass, wondering how Mina was able to juggle her time between work and taking care of her daughter.

“Do you have something to say to me?”

Momo was too engrossed in her own thoughts she didn’t realize that Mina was staring back at her. The hard gaze that Mina had a brief moment ago had changed to something close to curiosity. Momo cleared her throat.

“You can’t even eat your lunch in peace,” Momo managed to answer. She leaned back to her chair, stretching her legs and getting comfortable, “another meeting?”

“No. Remember that Korean entertainment agency? They ask me to come for dinner with them tonight.”

“You can’t go?”

“Absolutely not,” Mina gritted her answer. She’s picking a piece of strawberry from her lunchbox and began nibbling on the fruit, tongue lapping on the juice. Momo noticed. “It’s pretty clear that the dinner is not work-related. I don’t want to waste my time on them.”

“Maybe they want to recruit you to join their girl group,” Momo stated, voice dry.

Mina scoffed in retaliation, tucking her hair behind her ear and averting her gaze from Momo. “If I’m ten years younger and don’t have a child, maybe they would.”

“I don’t blame them considering how attractive you look.”

Momo bit her tongue. There goes another slip.

Mina reacted as if she’d heard that kind of thing many times in her lifetime. “Yeah, I get that a lot.”

“Anything that keeps your ego soaring, I guess,” Momo shot back, shaking her head in mockery.

“Gotta maintain the expectation, right?”

Momo wasn’t really paying attention to Mina, or how her colleagues didn’t seem to bother toning down rumors about Mina, but she was pretty annoyed at how unaffected the woman by the whole thing. Mina wasn’t blind and she definitely heard everything, yet she seemed to ignore it completely.

Granted, Momo also didn’t want to get involved, but people already knew that Momo lived next to Mina and began bombarding her with questions that were enough to make Momo’s ears bleed. Momo wasn’t stupid. She knew her colleagues approached her because they wanted to know Mina’s secrets, which was never a good thing when Momo realized the reasoning behind it.

“Did you make that yourself?” she asked, pointing at Mina’s lunch with her chin.

“Yes. Karen wanted chicken fillet for her lunch today. This is just what’s left of it.”

Momo smiled at the brief mental image, picturing Mina standing in the kitchen, wearing an apron with a serious expression as if she’s in the middle of solving a calculus problem.

“Why are you smiling?”

The daydream dissolved and the Mina who sat in front of her now was still wearing her red blouse and looking mildly confused.

“Nothing,” Momo shook her head, “and how’s Karen?”

“What about Karen?” Mina asked back, head coyly tilted to the side. Momo had this bad feeling that Mina was doing this on purpose. That woman was insufferable after all.

“I just want to know how she’s doing,” Momo tried again as she cleared her throat.

Mina seemed to be deciding how much she should tell Momo. Clear brown eyes raked over Momo’s face as if they’re trying to find something. Momo shifted on her seat, growing increasingly uncomfortable under the scrutiny.

“She’s fine,” Mina elaborated, “waking her up this morning was a chore, though. She sleeps like a log.”

Momo understood that feeling. She was also not a morning person and her mother used to throw a bucket of water to her face every morning. Not the best of a solution, Momo could attest to that.

“So you’ve been going home on time because you need to take care of Karen.”

Perfect eyebrows rose in affirmation. “Yes, although Karen told me that she’s fine being alone while waiting for me, I try not to make her wait too long.”

A smile crept upon Momo’s lips. “I bet you always cook her favorite dishes.”

“Yeah. Of course, Karen would play cool and tell me that she’s fine eating in the school’s cafeteria. Last time she did that was in third grade and she ended up vomiting because the food was just that bad,” Mina replied with a dry laugh. The color of Mina’s face seemed to relax, and it’s very clear for Momo to see that talking about Karen was definitely the safest topic for both of them. “So yes. After that incident, I always cook for her.”

Momo was forcing herself to focus on the story and not allow her eyes to linger too long on Mina’s face. Sure, Mina was beautiful, and now that Momo understood that Mina was always cooking for Karen, her previous imagination returned in full clarity even though Momo was trying to keep her mind from thinking about it.

Thankfully, Mina didn’t notice and kept talking about Karen.

“And yesterday, Karen said she wanted to eat something made from banana and I still have no idea how to make that.”

“Oh?” Momo blinked and leaned to the table, suddenly interested. “Banana huh? Have you tried making banana muffin or pudding? Children like those.”

Mina gave Momo a look that was a cross between embarrassment and annoyance. “I’m confident with how I usually cook, but somehow I just…” Mina bit her lower lip, “can’t make desserts.”

“Seriously?” Momo faked a cough, though mirth seeped into her voice.

“It’s embarrassing I know, but I just find it difficult. I tried to bake cookies for Karen and I end up almost burning the kitchen,” Mina groaned at the mention of one of her personal failures, “I just can’t demonstrate any skill in it even though I have the confidence.”

“So the unbreakable Myoui Mina is struggling at something too?” Momo teased. It was a delight to see this side of Mina. Unpredictable yet intriguing all the same, it feels like she’d found a treasure.

“Shut up. Everyone has their own weakness.”

“Well, you could’ve been the exception,” Momo didn’t miss a beat, quickly adding “I mean, you have this kind of ‘perfect’ aura, you know. Sometimes I forget that you’re not the robot bitch everyone’s made you be.”

A delicate brow rose at the statement. “Robot bitch?”

 “You’re unapproachable, and it takes a lot of effort to get to know you.” Momo received a laugh from Mina and saw it as a permission to continue. “But now that we talk, and I get to know you, I think I get it why you’re putting a front in front of everyone.”

Again, Mina did that head tilting, and it took full effect when Momo realized that she just complimented Mina—well, not blatantly, but it still counts. The manager gave a curious lilt of her lips as she leaned to the table, her chin propped on her hand.

“And would you kindly tell me what kind of impression you have now?”

She watched Mina as the woman blinked slowly, long lashes framing the stars that seemed to twinkle inside those deep brown eyes. Momo straightened her posture, her voice dropped lower, and the voice that slipped out from her lips was unflinching.

“You’re annoying.”

That’s what Momo said.

Both of them were quietly staring, fixated on each other, and the silent went on for quite some time. Long enough for Momo to start realizing that their talk had gone into something that's too difficult for her poor brain to process, mostly because it’s weird, and Momo was starting to panic.

“Uh… I think I should go. Still have things to do,” Momo looked away, pointedly missing the disappointment in Mina’s face. The chair screeched as Momo stood up in a hurry. Mina's voice followed not long after that.

“Do you busy on Sunday?”

Momo stopped, taking a deep breath, as she turned around. It took an effort to make her voice as calm as possible.

“No. Why?”

“I plan to make something for Karen,” Mina’s voice was measured and Momo didn’t dare what to expect for this kind of situation, “I think it’d be nice if you can you help me out.”

Momo laughed, trying to brush off the request as something silly. But Mina was looking at her in earnest and that didn’t sit well with her conscience. “Is there a compensation for that?

“Free lunch sounds nice to you?”

“Yeah sure.”

Momo was glad that her voice wasn’t breaking because that’d be embarrassing. She listened to the clack of heels; each step felt like a torture because Momo couldn’t stand how hard her heart was beating against her ribcage. Finally, a single breath escaped from her throat when she felt Mina’s fingers squeezing her shoulder. They were firm, soft, and very dangerous to Momo’s heart.

The scent of jasmine still lingered.

*

Momo never planned this to happen. But then again, she preferred it like this because she’s just a simple-minded girl who tried to find her place in the world. She could tell her life in the most boring way: a story where she fell in love with someone ordinary, going out on a date every weekend, getting married, divorced and fought for custody just like everybody else. Predictable, but that’s how it should be.

And yet here she was, in her room, standing in front of the mirror for almost fifteen minutes while pondering if she had to put on make-up because, well, Mina’s still her superior so she had to give a good impression, right?

Momo frowned.

She picked her brush and combed her hair, over and over. She gave up and decided to pull her hair to a ponytail. She wore her sleeveless hoodie and slipped her jeans on. Momo took one last look before leaving, messing her fringe a bit so Mina would not think that Momo was ‘too eager’ for this moment.

Mina’s apartment door was menacing from where she’s standing. Her finger was on the button, not pressing it yet. Momo shifted on her sandals, starting to think that agreeing to Mina’s request was definitely a bad idea. Taking a deep breath, she pressed the button, listening to the echo of the bell, and waited.

Unsurprisingly, Karen appeared from behind the door. The girl was wearing her hair in twin ponytails. Her apparel consists of a green shirt and yellow skirts.

“Hi Karen,” Momo greeted, leaning down so she could look at the girl more closely, “I’m Momo, do you remember me?”

The girl nodded. Her voice was small. “Yes.”

Momo smiled wider. This little girl was like mini Mina with her soft voice, round eyes, and a cute face—

What the fuck?

Momo stopped herself. This wasn’t the time to think any of that. Clearing her throat, Momo tried again.

“Is your mother around?”

Karen opened the door wider. “Yes. Mom told me to let you in.”

She stepped into the room to find a lovely living room greeted her. The walls were painted in a warm cream paint and the room was neatly furnished. Her attention fell to a flat-screen television complete with sound system and blu-ray player placed on top of a mahogany low table with a huge sofa in the middle. Momo whistled. That kind of entertainment set would cost three months of her salary.

The place wasn’t that big, but the décor was sophisticated and classy. Momo also noticed that Mina had planted an aquarium full with colorful fishes near the kitchen. Mina didn’t put any photographs. Instead, she had numerous contemporary paintings hung on the wall.

“You can sit there,” Karen pointed at the sofa.

The sofa was so fluffy, Momo almost felt like she’s going to drown in it. The plush carpet was also soft against her feet and as Momo looked around some more, she found that the whole house was filled with flowers.

“Karen, can you help me?”

Momo heard a creak and a familiar voice calling from the back of the room. It felt like she was experiencing a déjà-vu, but it felt lighter this time. She didn’t feel any discomfort or anger when she heard that voice. It was as if Momo was anticipating it, actually.

“Yes, mom? Do you need something?” Karen asked back, jogging a little as she approached her mother.

Mina held her gaze on Momo for a brief second. Momo, on the other, could only manage to give a dry smile and an awkward wave of her hand.

“Do you see my glasses?”

Momo blinked. Looking up, she caught a black-framed glasses perched on top of Mina’s head.  She opened her mouth, intending to just tell Mina because that’s the most sensible thing to do, but something was stuck on her throat and whatever things she should’ve said came out as a mere, “Uh…”

Karen motioned Mina to lean down and pluck the glasses from her mother’s head. “Sometimes you’re so forgetful,” Karen pointed with a chuckle.

“Well, I’m glad that I have you to remind me,” Mina replied with a gentle voice. She took a glance toward Momo’s direction, noticing that the other woman was fidgeting on her feet as if she’s trying not to stare. “Karen, can you bring something for Momo-chan? She looks a bit thirsty.”

Momo watched the little girl made a quick jog to kitchen and while her cheeks felt like they burn, Momo resisted the urge to lash out until she’s sure that Karen was out of reach.

“Thirsty? Really?” Momo hissed in exasperation. The smirk that’s planted on Mina’s face only made everything worse. “Karen is still a child! You’re not supposed to say that!”

Mina pushed her glasses up her nose and walked pass Momo to check on the nearest flower vase. “What? You’re not thirsty?” the woman asked as she focused her attention to the fluffy petals. “Or maybe your definition of thirsty is different?”

Momo scoffed. “You’re cheeky.”

“Am I not supposed to?”

Momo swallowed. Maybe it’s just her but Momo swore she could hear a husk in Mina’s voice that made her heart tighten. And she was more annoyed with the fact that Mina probably realized that too.

“Anyway,” Mina concurred with a nod. She turned around to give Momo a look, “There’s a change of plan. I want to take Karen out today.”

Momo frowned. “Why?”

“You know that I’m suck at making desserts and I don’t have time to practice making any of them, so I googled a place where they serve delicious banana pancakes.”

“That sounds lazy,” Momo deadpanned.

“No, it’s a practical solution, and I’m also curious because that café has good ratings.”

Momo inwardly let out a relieved sigh. It’s a good thing that she didn’t have to spend another day with the annoying woman, and yet, there’s also a tinge of disappointment nagging on the back of her mind.

“Oh good,” Momo ignored the unwanted feeling and let out her best smile, “family time is good for children. Now, if you’ll excuse me—”

“You should come with us.”

The proposition was too sudden, almost made Momo think that she misheard what Mina said. “I’m sorry, what?”

Mina was smiling wide, almost too wide until Momo got suspicious if Mina smoked something last night. Weed maybe? That’s possible but no, Momo knew Mina wasn’t that vile. She had a daughter; she wouldn’t do anything that would scar Karen for life. But, seriously, seeing Mina this happy and smiley was definitely weird.

“You can come with us. I’ll drive.”

Now that she paid more attention, Mina was wearing a white sundress and red cardigan, something that’s very fitting for a stroll in the park. And Momo was staring again for what was probably half a minute because Mina was ridiculously attractive, soft and gorgeous, skin immaculately illuminated by sunlight peeking from the curtain. Momo got her wits back after a nudge on her back prompted her to look at Karen, who stood behind her with a cup of steaming tea.

“O-oh, thank you,” Momo took the cup with trembling fingers. She cringed inwardly; didn’t even have time to get embarrassed at the fact that she acted like a bumbling fool in front of Mina.

“Karen, Momo-chan will come with us, is that okay with you?”

Momo had always been awkward with children, but having a ten-year-old scrutinizing her like this was enough to cause jitters across Momo’s being. Myoui death glare was definitely running in the family.

“Okay,” Karen replied, with somewhat monotonous voice, “but I get to sit on the front.”

Mina put a hand on top of Karen’s head. “Sure honey,” then she walked pass Momo while patting the woman’s cheek. “Let’s go. And you can bring the tea.”

Momo could hear herself groaning.

*

Mina drove Momo to town. Well, technically, it’s Momo and Karen. During their trip, Mina usually talked to Karen, although she also managed to involve Momo in their conversation, but still, Mina’s attention was purely on Karen. There’s something refreshing to see Mina like this, smiling and laughing, as if Mina finally got the chance to be free and just happy.

There’s no practical reason, really, but there’s a comfort in knowing that Mina wasn’t as strict as she presented herself to be.

They stopped at the city’s shopping arcade. Once they’re out of the car, Karen quickly ran inside and prompted Momo to chase after her because Mina was still in the middle of locking the car. The place wasn’t as crowded so it’s easier for Momo to catch up with the girl.

“Don’t just run off!” Momo told Karen, almost heaving her words because Karen was seriously fast on her feet.

“But I wanna look around.”

“Not without your mother. Come on, let’s go get her.”

Karen pouted but she didn’t hesitate to hold onto Momo when the woman offered her hand. As they walked back, Momo caught Mina from the opposite direction. Adding more to Momo’s annoyance, Mina was currently grinning at Momo’s misery.

“You already look tired.”

“Running after your kid is not a part of our deal.”

Mina shrugged in dismissal as she held Karen’s other hands. “You’ll get used to it. Come on.”

This place was quite lively. Speakers from stores were pumping out exaggerated beats of recent pop songs that Momo found herself humming to it. The digital screens fastened on the electronic stores were showing ads and music videos from bands and idols. Teenage girls with their fancy clothes strut from the opposite direction; their long legs thrusting out from their miniskirt.

“There’s no need to bring me along, you know.”

Momo forced herself to ask after minutes mulling with her own thoughts. The situation was actually normal. Well, almost too normal—too domestic for Momo’s liking.

“Is there something wrong with that?”

Momo glanced to the side, noticing that Mina had her attention to the trinkets displayed on the shops’ window.

“No, I just think everything feels kind of misplaced,” Momo muttered, earning a chuckle from Mina. “Too fast, maybe.”

“I understand,” the woman replied with a nod.

“Like what, honestly? That we’re friends now?”

The questions were blunt and Momo never gave it a thought until now. And it’s weird, considering how rocky their first impression at each other. But Momo admitted that she’s curious. Not to the point of concern frankly, but she just wanted to know Mina better. While Momo intended to make this question sound like another snide, she couldn’t shake off the annoyance when she saw a smile forming on Mina’s face.

“You make it sound like it’s a bad thing.”

Momo felt a jerk on her hand when Karen suddenly pulled her to the nearest shop. It’s a music store and it seems there’s a big sale in some of the instruments. Karen asked Mina if they could go inside and almost jumped in joy when Mina agreed. Both women could only watch as Karen made her way through the aisle while they’re waiting near the register.

Momo shifted her focus to Mina. “It’s not bad, just weird.”

“I want a change of pace,” Mina replied as she walked to the nearest aisle where strings were stored. “I want one day where I can talk to you as a friend because, you know, things are a bit different in the office and this would be the only time where we can be civil to each other.”

Momo’s dry laugh carried through the room. She pressed her hand to her forehead, disbelief was obvious in her voice.

“We’re still far from being friends.”

“Then I suppose this is the start,” Mina replied without missing a beat, “I know you don’t like me, but you stick around and I think that’s a good sign.”

Momo rubbed her eyes.

Despite Momo’s insistence to think otherwise, she painfully understood that Mina was right. Momo had the liberty to refuse Mina, but the fact that she’s here, sticking around Mina with emotions running rampant, was enough of a sign that she’s doing really bad at this.

Momo shifted on her feet, wondering that maybe she should just drop it, but instead she walked to Mina and stood beside her. She didn’t miss how Mina’s eyes got wider or how soft the curve of the woman’s nose. It was usually hard to read Mina’s expression because her face was like in a permanent state of frowning, but now they’re here, in this music store, and Momo took every second to observe every inch of Mina’s face.

“It’s just…” Momo grumbled. She ignored the look Mina gave her, “I don’t know much about you. Honestly, I don’t even know how to act when I’m around you. Like, this…” Momo pointed at both of them, making a motion with her finger. There’s a laugh, and Momo was glad because it felt like permission for her to continue, “but seeing you like this, how you interact with Karen. This different side of you is making me confused.”

“Is that a bad thing though?” Mina asked back, a visible fondness coloring her voice.

“How are you even real?”

Momo shrugged, laughed, and groaned. Her heart was beating a bit too hard and somehow Momo wished that her mouth would shut up. That was a compliment, a blunder statement, some fucking nonsense from a confused woman, and Momo couldn’t hold her cringe when she saw Mina’s face fell for a brief second. Okay, that was definitely not a compliment.

The scent of jasmine was getting closer as five fingers pressed on Momo’s cheek, pinching on the skin playfully, and Momo wasn’t able to see anything else aside from Mina’s blinding smile.

"I'm very much real," a thumb ghosting on the curve of Momo’s lips, “you’re cute, Hirai.”

Momo felt hot. Her cheeks were burning. She blamed it on the air conditioning. Her eyes darted to the side, trying to look away but her body was honest because, really, Mina’s hand was tiny and soft and Momo couldn’t but leaning onto it.

“You’re just messing with me,” Momo managed to say, almost cackled at the sheer absurdity of the situation.

“I’m not,” Mina pulled back, intentionally brushing the tip of her nails on Momo’s skin, before returning her attention to the shelf. How she managed to change her demeanor was sharply rehearsed as if she’d done this many times, “I never mess with people I like.”

Between that and Mina’s lingering touch on her skin, Momo was sure that her brain was currently overheating. Mina was really messing with her, that much Momo understood, yet something was tilting towards a different emotion. And yes, that was bad, and Momo didn’t need to feel anything for Mina right now. Obvious reasons included.

“Let’s find Karen,” Mina’s voice broke the overflowing thoughts inside Momo’s brain. The other woman was already walking down the aisle.

Momo could only watch, and feeling of seeing Mina’s backside was something that made her chest felt heavy. “What an annoying woman,” Momo grumbled under her breath, already tired with all that emotional rollercoaster, and followed Mina.

Crushing on someone had never been this tasking.


	3. Words, your attention

_You cast a spell on all my nights and days_

_With your sweet magic ways_

 

_Tatsuro Yamashita – Magic Ways_

 

As Momo looked around the meeting room that morning, she found it easy to identify which one of her colleagues that had been drinking too much last night. While some of them were looking sober enough, she caught around two or three of them were ready to drop dead and snore away through the presentation. Momo wasn’t drunk, but she’s definitely bored. Most of the time, she would look down at her notes and sketch random thing just to keep herself busy.

“Anything else to discuss?” she heard Mina asked, closing the presentation and turning off the projector.

Everyone shook her head. Momo also didn’t have anything else to say. Mina dismissed them after that and Momo let out a relieved breath when she returned to her desk. Meetings were always boring and sometimes unproductive, but they’re inevitable because everyone needs to know and understand the progress of the company’s project.

Since Mina came here, they began receiving many new projects, and just last month, one of the famous fashion brands in Japan picked their office to do their marketing campaign. The fact that they landed the campaign for that well-known brand had created quite a buzz in other branches, Tokyo included.

The workload had increased, and so did the overtime, but the pay was good so Momo wasn’t really complaining. She didn’t do this alone. Everyone was working together, doing their roles and responsibilities and the results had been great so far.

Just as she began opening the design draft for the current project, a tap on the shoulder interrupted her. She looked up and saw Mina standing beside her, laptop in her hand, and in the middle of typing something with one hand.

“Yes, Myo—I mean, manager?” Momo almost slipped on that one. She just hoped Mina didn’t realize it.

“I’m sorry it’s too sudden, but I receive an email request from that client.”

Using her right leg, Mina pulled the nearest empty chair to her and sat next to Momo. Photos of models, concepts, and additional details were displayed on the screen. Momo narrowed her eyes, feeling migraine started to form on the side of her head, but she kept reading the email and listening to what Mina had to say.

“So in short, they’re going to release a teaser for their new product. Your job is to add additional designs based on the list and then send the draft to them before 4 pm.”

Momo groaned as she pressed a finger on her forehead. “They usually give me one day to finish it.”

“I know the schedule is tight, but please do your best. This client is very important, so try to submit it on time.”

“Yeah I get it,” her computer screen went lit as Momo clicking on the mouse, “forward the email to me.”

“Already done. Check your  inbox.”

A notification popped out on the screen a few seconds later. Momo clicked on the link and began scrolling through the email.

“Okay, I’ll try to think of something,” Momo nodded to herself. She cracked her neck and straightening her pose, ready to work, when she saw Mina put a paper bag on the desk. The scent of coffee and bread was particularly strong. “What’s this?”

“Coffee and chocolate cornets for you,” Mina replied with a small smile.

 “I swear I only saw you bring your laptop,” Momo raised a brow, exchanging a confused look between the Mina and the paper bag. “Do you have a magic pocket like Doraemon or something?”

“Very funny,” Mina rolled her eyes. It’s always a delight to tease Mina, even if Momo had to be extra careful about it. “Let me check on the finished designs before you send them,” and with that, Mina strutted back to her room, her heels clicking in a hurry against the floor.

Momo let out a sigh, sending one last glance to Mina’s back, and resumed working.

“That was a sigh of love, Hirai.”

Momo’s fingers froze above the keyboard. She was too engrossed with her jobs (as well as Mina) to realize that she shared her desk with another designer. Momo peeked from the screen to get a good look of the person in front of her.

“No! God. It’s nothing like that.”

The guy, who went by the name Akesaka, hummed, more like he didn’t buy any of Momo’s excuse. He even didn’t spare a look for Momo as he’s busy drawing on his tablet which, in turn, made him more annoying.

“She’s your neighbor, right? I think it’s normal that you’re closer to her than any of us,” Akesaka continued. His voice was deep and monotonous; Momo almost strained her ears to catch up on what he’s saying.

“We’re not friends,” Momo insisted, already done with this conversation. She hoped this guy was able to catch the finality in her voice.

“Everything always starts with that.”

Momo, again, stopped in her track. Her heart began to beat rather rapidly; her thoughts were starting to make her scared. Maybe Akesaka was pointing out the cliché, yet Momo couldn’t shake off the uncomfortable knots that’d been coiling around her guts.

“Shut up,” Momo waved him off, plugging her earphones and blasting her music.

She had better things to do than thinking about _that._

*

When Momo finally blinked out whatever stupor that had possessed her, she looked to the window to see the sky had gotten dark. Akesaka was still on his desk, still working although his face was looking considerably relaxed compared to this afternoon where the workload was at its peak. Momo stretched out, groaning when the knots on her shoulders popped in a most comfortable way.

Momo sent a gaze to Mina’s room. Glass walls and doors separated the manager’s room, while Momo’s desk was in a large space where she and the others were working. The manager’s room was still bright and Mina’s laptop was present on the desk.

“She’s not home yet,” Akesaka chirped out.

Momo sent a glare to the guy. “I didn’t ask anything.”

“But you want to know,” he didn’t miss a beat. His voice started to grate on Momo’s nerves. “That’s why you’re looking at her room”

“No, I don’t.”

And for the first time, Akesaka averted his gaze from the screen. His eyes looked so small behind the lens and wondered if this man was even able to see anything without his glasses. Another thing that Momo noticed that Akesaka probably should never try to smile again because that grin was totally unnerving.

“Start at the pantry.”

A brow rose at the statement. “How do you know?”

Akesaka shrugged. “Guts,” he didn’t elaborate more and returned his attention back to the screen.

Momo groaned. Everybody knew that Akesaka was on the weird side of the spectrum, but conversing with him was quite an experience, to put it mildly. Momo decided made her way to the pantry and no, she’s _not_ expecting to see Mina there. She only wanted to enjoy a cup of warm coffee before going home.

Mina’s voice was soft, calming, and somewhat therapeutic. Momo closed her eyes, her steps felt rather light, and she could forget the ache that’d been gnawing on her lower back.

“I’ll be home as soon as I can. Don’t make him run after you, okay? He has a bad back.”

Momo stopped on the track. _He?_ She mulled to herself. Her eyes were trained on Mina, watching Mina in silence as the woman finished her phone call.

“Oh I didn’t see you there,” Mina greeted. She looked exhausted; her glasses were on the top of her head. Most of Mina’s makeup was already faded, but of course, there’s always a beauty to behold if your name was Myoui Mina.

“Hey,” Momo answered, awkwardly waving her hand.

“Come here,” Mina pulled a chair and patted it, motioning for Momo to sit. The other woman gulped but she didn’t have a choice but the follow the instruction. God, she’s really bad at self-control, wasn’t she?

“Thanks for your hard work today,” Mina began, her voice was slow and easy.

Their office was on the fifth floor. While it didn’t offer the best Osaka’s night time scenery, the flickering lights were quite pretty and added too much of a mood that was starting to unsettle Momo. The only thing missing was the acoustic in the background.

“You’re finally doing overtime.”

The statement was replied with a hearty laugh. Momo could only watch, eyes trained on Mina’s side profile, on the soft line of her jaw and how the lighting cast a soft shadow along the curve of Mina’s lips.

“Yeah. Just for today though.”

Mina took a slow sip of her coffee and leaned back to her chair to get a better position; her heels cluttered on the floor. It must be uncomfortable to wear those all day. Both of them were tired, no words exchanged between them, but this silence was enough to give them a sense of comfort from their exhausting schedules.

“So Karen’s alone now?”

“No, she’s with someone.”

The woman bit her lower lip, contemplating if she had to ask Mina about _that_. This wasn’t her problem, of course, but Momo would bill it on curiosity. She said it herself that she wanted to know Mina better. Then again, Mina had a daughter, so it’s obvious that she also had ‘ _someone’_ too.

The question slipped out of Momo’s tongue like an accident. 

“Your husband?”

“My older brother.”

“Oh,” Momo didn’t want to admit it, but she felt somewhat relieved at the new information. Yet, the curiosity still lingered. “It seems that your husband is really busy too, huh?”

The color of Mina’s face changed. It looked solemn, even her smile was weak and tired.

“Well, he’s somewhere,” was all Mina could say. The somber tone didn’t work well against Momo’s conscience. It almost sounded wrong to hear Mina speaking like this.

“I see.”

Momo knew better than to pry. Whatever comfort they had a few minutes ago was gone, replaced by unsaid questions and some kind of a barrier that prevented their voices from reaching out.

“The coffee you gave me this morning was great,” Momo spoke up, unable to stand the silence. “Did you google another café again?” Momo added with a laugh.

Mina fiddled with the edge of her skirt. “Yes. They serve great coffee and freshly baked bread every morning.”

“You should take me there sometime.”

“Of course,” Mina replied with a smile. “I have to keep my employees stay motivated, right?”

“Do you mean only me?” Momo asked, then panicked. “I-I mean, shouldn’t you give another employee the same amount of attention as well?”

Mina tilted her head to the side.

 _You should stop doing that,_ Momo thought.

“You’re the closest to me, and I think the others will have their heads explode if I ever show any kindness. You know, Myoui Mina is that scary manager who doesn’t even bother to smile.”

Momo didn’t want to sound hopeful but she couldn’t deny that her chest was getting warm for some reason.

“You know, Akesaka is asking me about you.

“Really?”

 “Yeah. He said we look _close,_ ” Momo shrugged. She glanced at Mina, noticing that the other woman was giving her a curious look.

“And?”

“Well…” Momo was stumbling through words. Whatever she wanted to say always seemed to stuck on the tip of her tongue. Her brain was too caught up with feelings for Mina to even remember why she was always a bumbling fool every time they’re together.

_I said to him that we’re not friends._

“I said to him that we’re friends.”

That’s just a slip, Momo was sure of it, but her brain was too tired to think of anything else. She looked down to her lap, nails scratching on her jeans. The scent of jasmine lingered and Momo almost held her breath when she felt Mina’s heat against her skin. This wouldn’t end well.

“Hm. That’s better than I’m expecting.”

Momo hoped Mina would just stop teasing her because this situation was unfair and Momo felt like she’s trapped. “I just don’t know… what to say, honestly.”

Mina pressed against her ever closer. Their hands almost touched.

“You don’t like it when I’m being too friendly?”

“That’s not it,” Momo quickly turned to look at Mina, but Mina’s face was a bit too close to her liking. Momo felt her cheeks burned again. It’s stupid. She’d be 29 this year and blushing like a teenager was not a part of her routine anymore. “I… I’m still getting used to it. I mean… us being friendly.”

Momo held her gaze to Mina for quite some time. A part of her brain wanted to leave Mina, but it was only a small fragment compared to other different thoughts that were currently clouding her mind. Momo’s breath was shaky when she felt Mina’s fingers covering her hand, blunt nails creating circles against the skin, and Momo didn’t put up much of a fight when Mina pulled her to an embrace.

“You’re so cute.”

The way Mina whispered to her ear was enough to make Momo forget her trouble. Momo soon began to relax, the previous tension quietly dissipating as seconds ticked by. The position was _almost_ too comfortable. Momo even had a hard time to keep her eyes open.

“Stop saying that,” Momo miffed, almost mumbling her words, “you always find your way to mess with me.”

Mina rested her chin on Momo’s head, her arms pulling Momo even closer as she replied, “I thought I said to you that I never mess with people I like.”

Momo frowned. That sentence still didn’t feel quite right to her. It felt like a statement—or confession, but Momo didn’t know or understand how to take that. And knowing Mina, that woman was speaking in words that sometimes didn’t make any sense. At least Momo’s poor brain wasn’t bright enough to decipher its meaning.

“What do you mean by that?” there’s another question.

Mina didn’t move, but she still held Momo close, as if she’s in the middle of contemplating herself. Momo waited, eyes strained to the floor, and with her ear was right on Mina’s chest, she could listen to the steady beating of Mina’s heart.

She didn’t want this moment to end, really, but Momo was restless and she needed answers.

“You know, you kinda suck,” Momo proclaimed.

There’s a chuckle, a soft one, something that sounded more like a reassurance.

Mina’s lips were pressing on Momo’s scalp, fingers brushing along her hair. And Momo shivered, in thrill and something else. The power Mina had over Momo with just words and touches was embarrassing—if not terrifying.

“You called me annoying last time. Did I level up?”

Momo pulled up from the embrace and forced herself to look at Mina. Their faces were at no more than inches away.

“And apparently a weirdo too.”

“Keep calling me names and I might consider cutting your paycheck.”

Again, words were stuck in her throat when Mina took Momo’s face in her hands. She tensed up at the gesture but didn’t back away.

“Was that a threat?”

Her voice came out huskier than she intended. The mood was too good, they’re sitting too close. Momo could feel Mina’s breath ghosting on her lips and she felt the burning again. Her shirt felt suffocating, hot, even the temperature was unforgiving. Momo wanted to bail, but the temptation was real. Mina’s lips were really close, looking soft and plump, but Momo wasn’t going to sacrifice her career by doing something irredeemably stupid like—

“Hirai?”

_Like kissing Mina,_

“I gotta go.”

Momo cleared her throat. Again, just like last time, she used whatever little self-control she had to wrestle herself out from Mina’s grasp. She almost tripped on her shoes as she stood up.

“Hirai, wait.”

Without warning, Mina reached out to Momo, her slender fingers curled around Momo’s wrist. Momo stiffened from the gesture. If she focused her glare to the floor, then Momo hoped that it was enough to help her focus on her breathing.

“It’s late,” Momo muttered. She pulled herself away from Mina, but the gesture was slow and reluctant. “You need to go back. Karen’s waiting for you.”

Mina was silent for a brief second. Long enough for Momo to start regretting how she had handled this situation. But she’s talking about Mina, the temptation, the attraction was too real and overwhelming. Momo opened her mouth, an apology was already on the tip of her tongue, and that’s when Mina standing up.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Mina muttered and walked passed Momo. She heard a soft thud as Mina disposed her cup into the dishwasher.

Momo listened to the clack of Mina’s heels until it disappeared into the hallway. There were beats of uncomfortable silence. The dull hum from the refrigerator resonated through the lull. A shaky breath escaped from her mouth.

Momo was never good with words, but for this one time, she wished she was able to say something to Mina.

Words were futile devices, but at least they could provide comfort in this lonely silence.

*

Momo woke early next morning.

She rolled over and reached for her phone, checking through her emails, groaning when she realized that she had to go back to her parents’ house in Kyoto for her sister’s birthday celebration tomorrow. Unless Momo was prepared to listen to another hour of complaints from her sister, she had no choice but to spare today’s lunchtime to go find a present.

But that’s not the main reason why she’s annoyed.

She woke up from her bed and opened the window. The wind was cold against her bare skin as Momo leaned onto the railing of her balcony. She looked to the side, where Mina’s room was at.

Momo bit her tongue, contemplating if she should call Mina. She spent last night thinking about her conversation with Mina, couldn’t stop picking it apart, trying to understand everything behind the words. The reason was still out there, but Momo just couldn’t make any sense of it. Momo let out a groan. The ache on Momo’s lower back was slowly killing her. Worse, her brain didn’t seem like it would stop thinking about Mina.

What was it about Mina that made Momo feel like this? Their first impression was bad, but Momo couldn’t deny that Mina was an admirable person, had a great work ethic, very pretty, and also a loving mother…

Momo blinked.

That could be the reason.

“Mina has a daughter,” she repeated the statement. Mina even said her husband was ‘ _somewhere_ ’.

“Good morning.”

Karen was standing on the balcony, still in her pajamas. Momo was either too preoccupied or this girl was a ninja in disguise, it’s obvious that Karen had been standing there for a while. Momo quickly put on a smile. Mina might be messing with her head, but Karen was still a child. She didn’t deserve any of Momo’s scowl.

“Hello, Karen- _chan_. You wake up pretty early,” Momo greeted.

“I have a field trip today. The teacher and my friends will leave me if I come late.”

“Where are you going?”

Karen’s voice was so flat and she looked bored. “To the aquarium, studying about sea lions, jellyfishes, and whales.”

“That sounds neat,” and they went quiet again. Momo tapped her fingers. She wasn’t used to having a conversation with a child. Seriously, talking with Karen was way too awkward than having Mina endlessly teasing her. “Oh yeah, what do you bring for lunch?”

“Egg sandwich and fruit salad.”

Sandwich didn’t sound too appealing for a field trip lunch. Momo remembered her parents packed her lunch that’s enough to feed three of her friends the last time she went on a field trip.

“Momo- _chan_ ,” Karen interrupted her thoughts again. “Are you and mom fighting?”

Now, this was something Momo never thought she’d hear so early in the morning. “No,” Momo said, shaking her head, hoping that her voice was convincing enough. “Where did you get that idea?”

“Mom said that both of you got into argument,” Karen stared down at the glass of milk in her hands before turning into Momo. “You know, I won’t forgive you if you ever hurt my mom.”

Momo laughed to divert the attention. “I won’t hurt your mom.”

However, Karen didn’t seem to soften or even stop giving Momo a stink eye.

“Really?”

For once in her life, Momo felt pathetic for getting scared over a threat from a ten-year-old. But Momo couldn’t just tell Karen that her mother was the source of psychological trauma and emotional rollercoaster that left Momo high and dry in frustration and confusion.

Momo felt really small under Karen’s scrutiny. Karen shared Mina’s eyes: brown, deep, piercing, more than capable to destroy any kind of defenses Momo had. Her skin was pricking; knots were tangling on her throat. Momo only had two options: bailing out or answering Karen with another poorly rehearsed excuse. Either way, both options quickly went to the gutter when Mina appeared from behind the sliding door.

In her sleeping gown, brown hair tumbling over her shoulders, and the cut on Mina’s dress was low enough for Momo to see ample cleavage of Mina’s chest.

“What are you guys talking about?” she heard Mina say.

“Just talking about the weather.”

This kid was cheeky. She could easily change her demeanor at the drop of a hat—just like her mother.

“Okay,” Mina sounded unsure. Momo could only pray for Mina to just drop it, “you should get ready for school, Karen.”

Momo purposely didn’t spare a glance to the other woman, partially because she’s wary of what kind of things that she’d do if she looked at Mina in her current situation. She listened to the shuffle of feet, a low murmur from Karen, and then nothing.

“Someone is grumpy this morning.”

Momo replied with a shrug. She still held her gaze to the view before her.

“What’s wrong with you?” Mina’s voice came again, curiosity seeping through the soft tone.

“Had a rough night,” Momo replied curtly.

“Is it because of me?”

Mina didn’t just ask her _that_. A scoff erupted from Momo’s throat, partly laughing at the irony while cursing at how cruel the universe was playing with her.

“Not everything revolves around you.”

Mina didn’t reply at the condescending tone. She just stood there, looking, _observing_ Momo with her stone cold, monolith face.

“I’m sorry if I went overboard last night,” Mina pondered. She pouted like a kid who just had committed a mistake. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

Momo didn’t ask for this. She didn’t ask for Mina to come to her life and make her confused like an awkward teenager. And yet, Mina always pulled her first, made Momo feel things that she’s not supposed to.

“When you do all those _things_ to me,” Momo started, more like blurted, and she winced at how sharp her voice was sounding now, “when you touch me, when you say things that make me feel funny inside—have you ever thought what they’d do to me?”

“I thought I was just being friendly.”

Somehow, Momo had anticipated that answer but it didn’t mean that she’s not disappointed. Mina’s answer was short, dismissive at best, and if their room was on the lower floor, Momo wouldn’t hesitate to jump over the balcony and gave Mina a piece of her mind.

“Well, yeah… I mean, it’s cool if you want to think like that,” Momo sighed, scoffed, both in disbelief and muted rage, “but I think that… maybe, you should stop getting touchy with me.”

Actually, It didn’t matter if you were gay, straight, asexual or a future nun for that matter. Myoui Mina was irresistible and had the charm to make you down on your knees, and Momo was an idiot to fall for that one.

“Why?”

 “Because I don’t want to feel anything about you,” Momo bit her tongue, cringed at the stupid slip that went out almost effortlessly from her tongue.

“What kind of feelings are you talking about, Hirai?” Mina asked, laughing. The voice was warm, and Momo was flushing again. “Something sparkling, heart-pounding kind of feeling?”

 “Something like that,” Momo groaned and buried her face on her hands, “ugh, this is stupid!”

“It’s not stupid.”

Momo’s lips parted and she stopped, thinking nothing but _oh god_ because Mina’s eyes turned bright with mischief, curiosity, and other things that were enough to turn Momo into a crazy mess. Momo’s eyes dropped into Mina’s lips, and the urge to kiss Mina return. This time, Momo was thinking that maybe she should take the leap of faith and just jumped over the railing. Broken neck be damned.

“Seriously, stop grinning!” Momo quipped, looking away. Much to her chagrin, her childish outburst did nothing to faze Mina.

“I just think that you’re really cute right now.”

“Puppies are cute. I’m _not_ cute and you’re embarrassing me.”

She looked up, noticing that the sun was already up. Her ears caught the noise from cars running down the street below. Momo found herself smiling. She turned to see Mina, observing that the woman was also looking at the sky. Her face was bright under the pale sunlight. The moment was peaceful, Mina was too beautiful, and Momo wished it could last forever.

“I still hate you.”

Mina chuckled. “Good to know.”

“Really, you’re infuriating, always embarrassing me for no reason at all,” Momo smiled to herself.

“Let’s just say that embarrassing you have become one of my hobbies,” Mina said and Momo could hear mirth in her voice. “But don’t worry, I’ll spare you when we’re at the office.”

“Somehow I’m not sure you’ll keep your promise.”

Mina’s mouth shifted to a smirk, a very infuriating smirk that had been a permanent resident in Momo’s mind since day one.

“We’ll see about that.”

Momo laughed. She couldn’t remember the last time she laughed like this. Something was changing between them, but Momo didn’t want to know what it was, but she understood that her time with Mina was something that she treasured dearly. It was a little misplaced, maybe a bit too fast and a lot scarier than Momo wanted to admit.

It felt a little dangerous.


	4. Distance, say that you love me

_So if I call you_

_Don’t make a fuss_

_Don’t tell your friends about the two of us_

_10 cc – I’m Not In Love_

 

When Mina received a call from one of the large clients that complained that their ads didn't generate a lot of clicks, she knew that today was going to be nightmarish. After convincing the client that she's going to check on the matter, Mina confirmed the issue to the PPC section head. It escalated to an argument because he insisted that the problem came from the algorithm of the search engine.

Mina despised it when people ignoring the obvious faults in their jobs. Not only it would render everyone's hard work useless, but also it would cost the company to lose a potential client. She paused all the active campaigns and asked one of the technical team to check on the code. The issue was caused by a new recruit who mishandled the code, causing the script that controlled the bidding went awry.

It took another hour for them fix the problem and after that, Mina still had to calculate the cost that occurred due to the issues. The cost was still in a reasonable margin, but Mina was wary it would affect the company's performance in front of the client. The head of the PPC department apologized for his mistakes, but Mina was already too tired to hear any excuses and dismissed him instead.

Mina pressed her fingers into her forehead, trying to ease the ache that'd been raging inside her head for the past hours. She closed her eyes and instantly regretting it because she could see explosions going off behind the shell of her skull. The advils didn't help either.

She groaned when she heard a notification coming from her laptop. Fortunately, the email only had a few words and a file attachment from a familiar person.

Please let me know if you need anything.

Oh, Hirai, Mina mused and clicked on the attachment, observing the design that'd be used as stock images. She did a quick check on the images and started to type her reply, only to stop when a better idea popped out of her mind.

Hirai had been out of the office for two days. She gave Mina her number, which she insisted that it's for business use only. It was easier to practice some self-control in front of Momo, but Mina admitted that she was pretty much ecstatic to have the woman's number.

Mina took her mobile and dialed the number. It's still quite bright outside. She listened to the dial tone, tapping her finger on the table top as she waited.

_"Hello?"_

 "I've got your email. I'm amazed that you're still working even though you're on your day off," A small grin appeared on Mina's lips. She leaned on her chair, fingers twirling around her hair. "Someone is eager for a promotion."

 _"No. My current job is already too stressful."_ There's a rustle. Mina could hear a faint sound of music in the background. _"Have you checked that out?"_

"Yes. As expected from you."

Momo's voice came out relieved. _"Thanks,"_ another beat, _"is there anything else you want to say to me?"_

 "I just thought that you want to hear my voice."

There was a cough, followed by a crashing sound, and a low groan coming from the other side of the line. Mina held her smile. She spun around in her chair and averted her gaze to the city.

"You drop something Hirai?"

_"Yeah, my ramen cup and some of my dignity."_

"Aw, that's too bad. I hope you didn't hit your toe with that." Mina replied, adding the last word with sarcasm.

 _"This must be really hilarious for you,"_ Momo sneered. Mina didn't know either Momo's upset because she just dropped her food or because of other things.

"I just had a hard day and I need to unwind."

_"Ugh, you're annoying."_

Mina smirked. She missed that phrase a bit. "So how's the hometown?" she asked, smirking in amusement.

 _"Suddenly interested in my personal life?"_ Momo asked back, trying to stay annoyed, but it's obvious that the pain of losing her ramen had gone somewhere. Mina could imagine Momo sitting on the dining room, reclining on the chair and getting comfortable.

"Not really, but I think I've had enough listening to our client complaints today."

_"Trouble?"_

"The PPC guy," Mina scoffed, "too stubborn to even admit his mistakes. Almost cost us a grand because of a simple mistake. But enough of that. I want to know what you've been doing."

" _Well, my sister's birthday was yesterday. I catch up with my family and all that. We had dinner. We drank until late at night and exchanged stories_."

Mina closed her eyes. Again, her mind was running another image of Momo lounging in a huge living room together with her family. Mina wondered what kind of person Momo was like when she's around people whom she's comfortable with.

"You must be the first one to pass out"

There's a chuckle. _"What makes you think that?"_

"I saw you unconscious on the company gathering a few months ago. You can't handle liquor, Hirai."

It happened the second month after Mina relocated to Osaka. It was pretty obvious that there was an unspoken animosity in the marketing department, so the head of the branch decided to bring everyone together for a gathering at a nearby pub. Everyone was drinking that night. Of course, Mina sat by herself and preferred to observe her surroundings. That was when she saw Hirai Momo on the table, cheeks flushed and unconscious.

 _"Oh dear,"_ Momo sighed, in a false forlorn tone that Mina could easily pick out. _"There's no way I could regain my honor after this."_

Mina chuckled. Momo probably didn't realize it, but she actually had a way with words that made Mina interested in keep talking to her. She had her snide moments, but she also knew how to take a joke, and Mina had a thing for someone with that kind of quality.

"In your defense, you looked adorable."

_"Stop calling me that."_

Mina rolled her eyes although her lips were twitching in delight. "Want me to say that you look bloated?"

 _"I prefer you to not say anything about me,"_ Momo replied, though there's a hint of a smile on her voice.

"Okay. I'll hang up now."

There's another laugh, and Mina could almost picture Momo sticking out her tongue over the end of the phone line.

_"I thought you like teasing me."_

Mina swore under her breath, feeling her chest fluttered in a most uncomfortable way. Mina said it herself that she liked teasing Momo, but hearing it directly from the said target didn't make anything less easy. In fact, she began to question what kind of dynamic they're currently having right now.

_"Myoui-san? You dead yet?"_

_No_. She didn't have to think about it now.

"As I live and breathe," Mina replied, keeping herself composed even as her heart started to beat rather strangely. "Just having a migraine."

_"Go home and have some rest. You're not suited for overtime anyway."_

"Very funny. I have a conference call in five minutes, so going home on time is out of the question."

Mina rubbed her forehead again. This day was endless. And once she got back home, she also had to cook for Karen and helped the girl on her study. It's not like she wasn't expecting this. Ever since that day, Mina had committed her life to her job and Karen. And while it sounded easy on theory, Mina always found herself weary and tired with how stressful her life sometimes.

_"You're a superwoman. You can do anything."_

Momo's voice came in almost too smoothly through Mina's being. The edge of Mina's lips crooked to a tired but content smile, marveling at how Momo could come with such cheesy nickname. But the gesture was sweet nonetheless so she wasn't really complaining.

"I prefer to be called Black Widow, but superwoman doesn't sound half bad."

 _"Whatever,"_ Momo laughed along. Mina could hear someone calling Momo's name in the background. _"Sorry. I gotta hang up. Dad needs help."_

Mina nodded, ignoring the disappointed pang inside her chest. "You're a nice girl, Hirai."

A hum. Mina pressed the phone closer to her ear. She didn't want to hang up first.

_"Yeah. Talk to you later, Mina."_

The call ended and soon after, she received another call that she needed in the meeting room. Slipping on her heels again, Mina opened her laptop and prepared the data before walking out from her room. The thought hit her as the meeting went on.

_Did Momo just call me ‘Mina'?_

*

By the time Mina arrived, it was already dinner time. She found Karen in the living room, books cluttering on the table as she did her homework. Mina didn't have time to buy groceries and decided to cook pasta for tonight's dinner. She put an apron over her working clothes and began cooking.

"How's your school today, Karen?" Mina asked as she stirred on the tomato sauce.

"As usual. The teacher gave us a quiz," she replied, eyes never strayed from her book. There's a frown on her forehead as she tried to solve her math homework. "It's pretty easy."

Mina smiled. It was always a delight to know that her daughter was doing well in school, although Mina couldn't help to feel a bit guilty because she had less time to tutor Karen on her study these days. Then, she dished out the meal and placed Karen's plate on the table.

"Has Momo-chan returned yet?" Karen asked, twirling the fork on the pasta to mix the sauce.

"No. She'll be back next week I think," Mina answered. She took a seat in front of Karen and began eating herself.

"You and Momo-chan aren't fighting, right?"

Mina peeked up at Karen, blinking. "No. We're fine. I just talked to her today."

 "I don't want her to hurt you."

The little girl bit her lower lip; her eyes wavered in uncertainty. Mina sighed. She understood where that came from. Karen had through a lot. Well, both of them had through a lot, and Karen was just a child. There were many things that she had yet to understand.

"Honey, Momo will never hurt me," Mina said. Her voice low and there was a solemn smile on her lips. "She's kind. Remember that she also bought you banana pancake that day."

"But she sounded upset when you talked to her in the balcony."

 _Oh boy_ , Mina rubbed her forehead. Of course, Karen would think of it like that.  "No. Momo wasn't upset. She's just… a bit annoyed that I teased her."

"Tease?"

 "Yes. When you tease someone you like at school, sometimes they'll laugh with you, but other times they'd get annoyed. It's not a big deal."

Karen didn't say anything but the look on her face was enough for Mina to know that this girl understood the idea. Feeling accomplished, Mina returned her attention to her almost cold pasta. Her mouth was half open when Karen asked another question.

"So you like Momo-chan too?"

Mina almost choked at the question. She sipped on her drink; still keeping her cool whilst ignoring how hard the beating of her heart was. Karen was indeed a perceptive child.

"Yes," Mina replied. Her voice was still calm and measured. "You like her too right?"

Karen shrugged, uninterested. "She's a bit weird."

Mina held her laugh. "That's something that we can both agree."

"But she's okay, I think," Karen continued with a small voice.

Their dinner moved on slowly with conversation coming in between bites and gulps. Karen talked a lot today, mostly about her friends and school, and Mina listened to it with utmost attention. She could forget how hectic her life was and just enjoyed this moment with Karen. This family was small; she didn't even think that this was perfect, but they had roof above their heads, ate well and slept well.

They only had each other and Mina couldn't ask for a better life.

*

Mina had been trying to stop smoking. But there were times when she thought that she needed something to forget, when she awoke from her sleep for no reason and this was, much to Mina's chagrin, was one of those times.

Mina stood on the balcony, eyes red and hazy, with a cigarette dangling between her fingers. Her other hand was holding on her phone. Her face was damp, sweaty and sticky, and Mina remembered that she had a meeting tomorrow morning.

She checked her phone log and her fingers stopped in one particular number.

"No," she mulled to herself, "Hirai's probably sleeping right now."

Frankly, Mina liked Momo. And talking to Momo would definitely help her, but Mina wasn't desperate. She'd been having this nightmare long before she met Momo, and this time was no different. Mina put the blame on exhaustion.

Mina returned inside and made her way to Karen's room. The little girl was sleeping soundly and Mina would sleep next to Karen if her body didn't smell like an ashtray. A sad smile curled along her lips before she closed the door.

She stood in the bathroom; the reflection in the mirror showed a tired woman in her sleeping gown, her dark hair swept to the side, and faint lines starting to appear around her eyes. Mina pulled the strap of her dress down, her breathing came in long, steady puffs. Turning around, Mina peered through her shoulder.

There was a scar, one that stretched from her right shoulder blade to her waist. The skin color around the scar had turned to a darker shade of brown. Mina narrowed her eyes. She still remembered the agony when the wound was open, wide and bleeding.

"So ugly," she spat, bitter with muted rage.

No one answered but the scar remained.

It reminded Mina of her failures.

*

 "You look rough," Momo called upon entering Mina's room.

Mina sat on her chair, taking a break from her routine which was essentially managing every campaign, replying emails, sorting out issues with clients, meetings, all the essential stuff. Tedious as they sound, Mina counted as personal satisfaction, yet the responsibilities she had to bear started to become taxing and repetitive. The voice prompted her to look up.

There's nothing special about Momo's outfit: a pair of skinny jeans, her city worn converse, white oversized shirt and black scarf stylishly circling around her neck. But Mina observed, and Momo looked good wearing her hair in a ponytail. Mina realized that she was staring because Momo gave her a weird look. The woman cleared her throat.

"When did you return?" Mina asked. Her eyes hurt; her throat felt scratchy. She didn't have enough rest lately.

Momo's eyebrows rose as she looked on Mina's miserable state. The make-up barely covered the black circles under Mina's eyes. "Just now," Momo stepped into the room and put a paper bag on the table. "Souvenirs."

Mina scoffed.

"Lunch too. Bought it at the station."

"You're so kind."

Momo shrugged, didn't bother to reply Mina. She sat on the chair, legs stretching out to get into a comfortable position. Momo brought her cheeseburger and fries, which pretty unhealthy for Mina's standard, but she skipped breakfast today and her stomach already grumbled in protest at the sight of the greasy food. _Whatever_. Mina shrugged and took a sizable bite.

"Good?" Momo asked.

"Disgusting," Mina countered. "I thought you'll come tomorrow."

Momo shrugged. "I miss office."

"You don't miss me?"

A familiar blush crept along Momo's cheek. Mina was glad that she was eating because her dignity wouldn't allow her laughing with her mouth full.

"We should go out," Momo continued. Her cheeks were still looking red but her voice was determined. "There's something I want to say to you."

Mina looked down. Post-it was circling around the screen of her laptop. Dates, numbers, reminders, things that made Mina wanted to vomit every time she saw them.

"I'm busy, Hirai."

A flimsy argument at best; Momo didn't even look impressed by it. "I know, that's why I'm asking you now. God knows that you won't take any break if no one told you."

Mina put the half-eaten burger down. She wiped the grease off her fingers onto the tissue. Her eyes met Momo's, and although Mina wasn't a mind reader, she just knew that Momo was genuine with her request. This kind of feeling wasn't entirely new, but Mina admitted it felt rather comforting to have someone to worry over her wellbeing.

"Okay, and since you ask me, I suppose you're going to pay for our lunch."

Mina was expecting another rebuttal from Momo but the other woman replied with a smile, a small curl of lips that almost infuriating if Mina wasn't too focused with how charming Momo was looking at her right now.

"Sure."

Mina pursed her lips.

This would be interesting.

*

The place was a 10-minute walk from their office.

The pavement was rather crowded as they walked. Mina had to walk close to Momo, so close their hands were brushing against each other. Mina cast a glance at Momo, noticing the other woman was looking rather stiff yet trying to maintain her cool. Momo acting weird around her wasn't new, but something felt different this time though Mina still had no idea what it was.

"What is it that you want to say to me?"

Momo spared Mina a brief look. "Patience is a virtue, Manager."

"You called me Mina the last time we talked." That seemed to garner reaction because she could see Momo's lips twitch. "Was that a slip?"

"Not really. I've been meaning to call you that," Momo tried. She turned to face Mina, head tilting to the side. "You don't like it?"

The question made Mina's face flushed, which was unacceptable because Mina should've had a better self-control. It sounded like a confession. And while they're still in a friendship status, this kind of thing would lead to something complicated and Mina wasn't sure if she even wanted that.

"I like it," Mina concluded and stopped. They didn't speak again and continued walking. Each of them preoccupied with their own thoughts.

Momo led Mina as they stepped down the stairs. The hallway was narrow and dimly lit. On paper, this would be a perfect crime scene. There's a sign placed neatly above the red door, announcing the name Lavenza. Mina held onto Momo's arm when the latter was about to open the door.

"Are you sure this is the place?"

"Yeah. Come on," Momo said as she turned the handle and stepped inside.

And Momo was right. The interior was remarkable; minimalistic décor and tableware and floor plan designed to exude comfort and easy access; bossa nova playing in a low volume; staff meticulously walking around the room to serve food or cleaning the table. Everything about this restaurant was anonymous and unknown. It was the place of commoners; almost every seat was filled and waiters moving effortlessly between them with dishes on their hands. 

Momo picked a table tucked at the side of the restaurant, quite far from prying eyes. She pulled a chair for Mina, motioning the woman to take it.

Mina raised a brow before sitting down. "This is unnecessary."

Momo just smiled. “Hey, I have to keep my manners.” She waved her hand to the waiter and ordered a cup of café au lait and pasta. Mina ordered a cup of chamomile tea and told the waiter that she'd order the food later.

"This place looks a bit too fancy for lunch, don't you think?"

"Are you impressed?"

Mina blinked. She averted her gaze to observe her surroundings. The restaurant was bustling with lively chatters between its occupants. Small chandeliers hung from the low ceiling. Deep blue tablecloths matched the color of the wall, which looked sleek and lush under the soft light.

"Yes, but I have a question," Mina leaned to her chair, her legs crossing. She ran her fingers through her hair, noticing that Momo's eyes were on her, staring at the line of Mina's neck. "What is it that you want to say until you have to bring me here?"

"Well…" Momo drawled, intentionally dragging her voice to annoy Mina, didn't even realize that she also looked cuter than she intended to be. "I've been thinking about us lately."

"Us?" Mina questioned. Her voice was faint. The music quickly muted under her heartbeat. Her eyes were transfixed on Momo; Mina didn't care about anything else.

"Yeah. I mean, with how things quickly changing between us," Momo replied. She leaned forward. Mina followed, pale collarbones visible for Momo to see. "You know that I always feel funny every time you're close. I know this isn't important and you probably think that I'm overreacting."

Mina bit her lower lip. There's a prick under her skin. She didn't like it when Momo was selfishly assuming. "Not at all," she said. "I enjoy our conversation, Hirai. I have no friends and you stick around. It's enough for me."

 "Thank you, but there's something that's been bothering me," Momo stood straight on her chair. The look on her face was unreadable but Mina could see a determination in Momo's eyes. The woman swallowed. There's a sense of dread. She wanted to run, but she knew she's also curious about things that might unfold. "I know this is crazy, definitely out of nowhere, but I think I like you."

Momo didn't stutter but her face was red to a worrying degree as if she would explode in seconds. Mina tapped the table in a steady rhythm. What was she expecting? Their time was short, but Mina didn't deny that they'd been dancing around it for a while, particularly because Momo was interesting and Mina didn't know how to stop.

This confession wasn't a part of the plan, frankly.

"This is… complicated."

Momo's eyes widened slightly. "I thought you're the smart one."

"Oh, I am smart. I understand what you're saying," Mina defended herself, one hand placed on the table, quite close from touching Momo's fingers. "But I'm not prepared to hear you say it so…"

Momo shrugged. "Blatantly?"

"Yes," Mina nodded. She was overwhelmed, but the excitement was enough to curb any confusion she's currently feeling.  Her cheeks hurt, she couldn't stop smiling. "You do realize that I'm your boss right?"

"I do."

"And I also have a daughter."

"Yes."

"That's why it's complicated," Mina smirked. Her long fingers pressed on the side of her mouth. "And those two conditions are just on the surface. There are other things that you don't know, and I'm not sure if you're going to like them."

Momo smirked. Let it be known that Mina's heart skipped a beat at that.

"Try me."

Mina stayed quiet. Her brain was spinning a mile.

"Mina?"

And yes, Mina nearly choked, not because she couldn't find any excuse, but rather because Momo deliberately called her by the first name and that voice was unnecessarily gentle for Mina's standard.

"I need to go to the bathroom." The chair screeched as Mina stood up. Mina looked down, focusing her eyes to her hands. "Excuse me."

The place was empty when Mina entered. Staring into the bathroom mirror, she idly traced the cracks at its surface, starting to believe that it was her face that's cracking. She turned the faucet and cupped some water in her hand. The water strung cold, helping her to chase away the thought.

Her face was red. She was blushing.

Mina groaned.

She washed her face again. Droplets of water dripping from her chin as Mina continued to stare. She didn't like her reflection. It looked too… happy. She's not supposed to feel this.

 I know this is crazy, definitely out of nowhere, but I think I like you.

The phrasing was awkward yet it still did well to make Mina flushed again. Yes, it was a confession, and the prospect of dating Momo had Mina nervous. Again, her heart jumped in excitement because it'd been too long and Mina couldn't deny that Momo was attractive in her own weird way. She gritted her teeth. On the outside, Mina was the reliable one. Mentally, she was a mess just like everybody else.

She dried her face with a paper towel. Closing her eyes, Mina started to breathe deeply, counting to ten until her heartbeat had come to a more acceptable level. Outside, Mina saw Momo slowly eating her pasta with that forlorn look on her face. The woman sighed and felt rather hopeless.

"Sorry for waiting," Mina greeted. Her eyes dropped to the food and her stomach was grumbling; she almost forgot that she only had a half-eaten hamburger for lunch. "Can I have that?" she pointed to the food.

She didn't wait for an answer. Mina reached out to pick on Momo's fork and began plucking on the pasta. She even took her time to lick on the sauce on the utensil. The pasta tasted heavenly as Mina savored on the taste, moaning in delight.

Of course, Momo was staring, and Mina could only stare back. She allowed the deep music to wash over and out, filtering away the outside world and just focusing on Momo's brilliant eyes. She heard a trill of laughter, the scraping of silverware, and the soft lighting accentuated the obvious nervousness on Momo's face.

"You're blushing a lot today," said Mina. There's a husk in her voice.

Momo's voice was just as rough. "You don't look cool yourself either."

"Hm, I wonder it's because someone just confessed her feelings and it got me pretty excited."

Momo gaped, her eyes narrowed. "You sound really nasty just now."

"Whose fault is that?" Mina asked sweetly. To her astonishment, Momo replied with a grin, wide and ideal, with teeth and full lips. Mina touched Momo's cheek with her straight nails, deliberately caressing the skin with the same care she'd given to a newborn. "What makes you change your mind?"

 "I'm a fickle woman." Mina laughed, and Momo could only remain deadpan for a few seconds before she let out a low chuckle, grasping on Mina's hand to keep her close.

"That's one way to put it."

"I just have a thought that I should tell you this. You know, so I can sleep a little better at night," Momo answered, and her voice was calmer. Mina felt Momo's eyes on her, clear and bright.

Mina was quick to reply. "You don't happen to fantasize about me, do you?"

Momo coughed. Her embarrassment seemed to mount even more because Mina could see the tips of Momo's ears had turned red. "I'm not that vile," the woman grumbled, looking at anywhere but Mina's face. "But yeah, sometimes I dream about you."

"Weird, I do too."

It slipped out before Mina could filter her own mouth and she was this close from burying her face in her hands. But that would mean that she couldn't see Momo's face, the brilliance of Momo's eyes, and those red lips that hung open both in surprise and other things that Mina didn't dare to name. Mina shrunk back to her chair, tucking her hair behind her ear. She felt stupid. This conversation was stupid.

But Momo leaned on the table, chin in her hand and there's that beaming smile again. "You're cute when you're blushing," Mina forgot her embarrassment. Her cheeks felt too hot to her liking as she forced herself to glare at Momo. 

"Is this a payback?" she hissed.

Momo just shrugged. "A little revenge won't hurt your pride."

Mina looked unimpressed. She grabbed the fork and plucked a piece of pasta, pouting as she chewed on the food. It felt a little embarrassing to have the tables turned on her.

"Fair point," she took a sip of her tea, noting the obvious smirk on Momo's lips. "Let's just say that we're even."

"So?"

"What?"

Momo groaned. "I just opened my heart to you and you didn't even give me a proper answer."

There was another pause and the reality that Momo just confessed to her returned like a slap on the wrist. Mina rubbed her eyes. Her headache returned in a dull throb. Her eyes caught the blimp of the digital clock on the wall and Mina bemoaned at the fact that they should've returned to the office 15 minutes ago.

"You know, I slept only two hours last night—and though I assume that you're trying to make me feel better, I just don't have a clue where to start."

Momo pursed her lips. The color of her face changed.

"I'm serious when I say that there are things you don't know about me. Karen is my priority right now and, frankly, I don't have time to for any of this." Momo looked down, crestfallen. Mina ignored the tightness in her throat. "But you're honest," she muttered too. "You can easily say what you feel, and it makes me feel complicated because I can't do the same to you."

Momo tapped her finger on the table. It took a while for her to answer "So, in short, you feel uncomfortable having another woman liking you?"

Mina took the question like a jab to her gut. Her eyes were wavering. _God, I'm so tired_ , she told herself. She could say things like "Well, this is awkward. Why don't we shake it off and forget this conversation ever exist?" and this was one of the moments where Mina felt very small. Her throat tightened, and all she could hear was this tiny voice that echoing the same phrase over and over.

_You really can't do this anymore._

"No." Mina's voice shifted to a low, husky tone—a sign of weakness, something that Mina loathed more than anything. "I feel comfortable when I'm with you."

Momo was looking at her. Mina tried to keep herself from running away. Those words started to weigh on her, the implications, the assertion of time and all the things she never got to say began to overwhelm her.

"That's not fair," Momo said, maybe to herself. And Mina's breath caught in her throat when she felt Momo's lips pressed on her knuckles. "You're still as annoying as ever."

Momo's fingers were too gentle on her. "I'm sorry," she murmured.

"That was a compliment."

Momo replied, chuckling, and her fingers started to create circles on Mina's skin. They stared at each other, both were smiling, and Mina braved herself to reach out to Momo. Her palm pressed on the side of Momo's cheeks. The skin felt hot under her touch, and Mina could only sigh.

"All this confession is making me feel dizzy," Mina muttered. She was flushing, realizing that she hadn't felt something like this for a long time.

Momo laughed again. "Ditto, and I thought I've passed the awkward teenager phase."

Mina peered over to Momo, eyes questioning. "So… we're kind of dating now?"

 "We don't have to call that if you don't want to," she said, sounding certain. Momo pursed her lips for a brief moment. "But from now on, you can expect to have a date in weekends, or a homemade cooking I make for you and Karen."

Mina held the urge to groan. That was too much—Hirai was too much, and that sentence was enough to send Mina's heart beating to a dangerous territory until Mina almost convinced that Momo was trying to murder her.

"Well… that's…" _oh Lord_ , she's stuttering. ”I'm looking forward to that."

"Oh Mina," Momo sighed, softly. "You're really hopeless, aren't you?"

Mina shook her head and pulled her hand from Momo. She leaned back on her chair, arms tightly crossed, and glared at Momo. "I'm still your manager," she coughed her words in a vain attempt to sound more dignified, "I'll be strict with you at work, and I won't give any leniency in regards of your job."

"And I should keep this a secret as well, right?" Momo asked with amusement back in her voice.

"You sound really excited," Mina rubbed her forehead as she felt another impending headache. "But yeah. It'd be better if people don't know anything."

"Whatever you say, Mina."

Okay, that was embarrassing. Mina kept her eyes trained on the chandelier above her head, and she won't stop staring until she could control her erratic heartbeat. It was so unfair that Momo could act so calm and smooth when she's usually the first one to get flustered.

"Let's head back."

Mina head herself whisper. "Yes."

She waited for Momo as she paid the bills, and she still couldn't believe that this was happening, that she and Momo had stepped into a territory that's both complicated and unknown. It happened too fast, but then Momo could easily find Mina's hand again, fingers curling around Mina's as they walked outside. And Mina could do nothing but to look at Momo when the latter smiled at her.

She could hear her resolve crumbling.


	5. Reflection, things in between

_I will not ask you where you came from_

_I will not ask you, neither should you_

_Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips_

_We should just kiss like real people do_

 

_Hozier – Like Real People Do_

 

It’s actually easier to practice some self-control.

Mina put in on their age. She and Momo were adults with responsibilities and too busy thinking about anything else when their job was endlessly coming their way. However, there were moments when Momo would come to her room under the excuse of work-related questions and Mina would walk to Momo’s desk for a passing hello.

Lunchtime, thankfully, was a bit easier. Sometimes they ate in the pantry, sometimes Momo took Mina out, or when they were too busy Momo would pack a lunch for them and they ate in Mina’s room.

“Some of my friends said you’ve changed.”

Momo told her one day as they walked to the apartment. It’s only thirty minutes past six and it’s a miracle that they could finish their job faster than usual. And while they didn’t hold hands like any other couples out there, the distance between them was literally nonexistent as their shoulders brushed ever so often.

“What kind of ‘change’ exactly?”

Momo put a finger on her chin. “They said you are… kinder, you smile more often, and you stop saying mean things when someone made a mistake.”

Mina scoffed, shaking her head. “I’m just doing what I normally do.”

“I also think that you’ve changed,” Momo turned to look at her and Mina could only stare back. “Everyone was either scared of you or hated you the first time you came to the office.”

“Including you,” Mina added with a teasing lilt on her voice.

“Including me,” Momo admitted with a nod, “but now, I’m glad to see you getting along with the team. It really takes some time, huh?”

Mina didn’t think like that. She felt like she’s still as strict as before. True, sometimes she’d get irritated when people didn’t do their job well (like that PPC guy), but she couldn’t deny that she had grown to tolerate people around her. She tried not to get angry at simplest mistakes and she tried to have a small talk to some of the staffs although it always ended up awkward for both parties. She’s just trying to be more approachable.

“Hey.” Mina felt a nudge on her back. She blinked her thoughts and noticed that Momo was giving her a weird look. “You must be thinking something difficult again.”

“I’m thinking about dinner actually.”

Momo laughed at Mina’s curt answer. “Why don’t we stop at the supermarket then?”

“For?”

“I said that I’ll cook for you and Karen. Did you forget?”

No. Mina didn’t forget. “I thought you’re just joking.”

Momo laughed again and Mina thought it’s unfair because that laugh was incredibly sweet and Mina couldn’t bring herself to tease Momo when she’s being adorable.

“Maybe you should call Karen and ask what she’d like.”

Mina nodded. She took her phone and dialed the number. Karen’s voice came out a few seconds after that.

“Hello, Karen? I’m going to the supermarket. What do you want for dinner?”

_“Curry sounds good. Extra spicy is better.”_

Momo nodded in affirmative when Mina mouthed the dish. “ _Oh, can you buy ice cream too, mom? Strawberry and chocolate, please.”_

“Karen, remember that we’re going to the dentist this weekend to fix your cavities,” Mina replied. Her voice was stern.

There’s a low groan from the other side of the line. _“Aww, they don’t hurt anymore.”_

“They will if you keep munching ice cream and candies all the time,” Mina sighed. She eyed Momo for a brief moment before returning her attention to the daughter. “Karen, Momo is going to cook dinner for us.”

Karen was quiet and Mina started to feel anxious. Karen was actually a sweet child, but she always had a hard time getting close to people, especially those she didn’t know.

 _“And she’s going to join us too,”_ the girl surmised. The tone of her voice was unreadable, making it harder for Mina to guess what her daughter was currently feeling.

“Is that okay?”

Karen was silent again and Mina’s heart was beating even faster in every passing second.

_“It’s fine.”_

And Mina felt nothing but relief washing over her at the simple sentence. She took a deep breath, feeling her shoulders shaking in every exhale.

“We’ll be back soon, okay? Sit tight.”

Karen replied with a hum and the phone call ended. Mina ignored the look that Momo gave her.

“Did Karen say something?”

Mina shook her head, smiling to herself, and feeling like she’s winning something.

“Nothing.”

*

When they arrived, Momo insisted that she’d do all the cooking and told Mina to spend her time with Karen. But Mina had another idea in mind. Firstly, this was her house, her _kitchen_ on top of that, and even if it was Momo, she wouldn’t let anyone desecrating her pristine kitchen. Secondly, the fact that Momo could cook better than her was making her rather annoyed, so she’s going to make use of this situation to observe Momo. For science, of course.

“Does Karen like carrots?” Momo asked. She already diced the potatoes and onions, leaving carrots last.

“She doesn’t but I already told her to eat her veggies,” Mina added while stirring on the bubbling sauce, “you can add them. Not too much or she won’t eat.”

Momo nodded and began dicing the vegetable and put the pieces on a small plate. From the corner of her eyes, Mina saw that Momo handled the knife really well. She worked fast and clean, just like chefs that she saw in a cooking show. Momo put the vegetables inside the sauce as Mina began to stir. The smell was so good until Mina had to wince when her stomach began to grumble.

“Someone is looking very hungry.”

Momo was leaning on the granite counter. Her grin was wide and there’s a twinkle of amusement in her eyes.

“It looks delicious,” Mina reasoned. She couldn’t just admit to Momo that she was so hungry. “But I’m surprised that you can cook really well. The lunch you brought a few days ago was fantastic.”

“I know right? You liked them so much until you asked for my portion.”

Mina rolled her eyes. Yes, Momo was sweet, talented, funny, awkwardly charming, but it’s also not a secret that Momo had quite an ego although it’s far from malicious.

“Don’t make me regret complimenting you.”

“Oh you won’t,” Momo husked, eyes looking at Mina as if she’s trying to pierce through Mina’s soul. “You like me.”

Mina replied with a soft knock on the latter’s forehead. Momo was laughing at the gesture, though. “You should stop talking.”

The silence that followed after that was comfortable. She glanced briefly at Momo but the other woman was observing the room with subtle curiosity. Mina didn’t remember the last time she had someone cooking with her, and there’s warmth that’d been pooling on her chest that Mina couldn’t even describe.

“What makes you change your mind?” Mina began. Eyes fixed on the bubbling sauce although she could feel Momo’s questioning look.

“I told you I’m a fickle woman.”

Mina knew that’s not true. Everything moved really fast for them and the fact that Momo could easily confess to her was quite boggling. No, she didn’t hate that. She’s just curious, frankly.

“You’re not telling me everything, Hirai. I can smell it from here.”

The smile on Momo’s face was guilty. “I told—no, I _ranted_ about you to my parents.”

Mina turned around and scrunched her face. “Why do I feel that you’re badmouthing me?”

“It’s nothing like that,” Momo added rather quickly, scratching the back of her neck as she tried to arrange her words. “Basically, I told them that you’re an annoying, infuriating, but really smart, very pretty, and independent woman who has an awful taste of humor and always embarrassing me for no reason.”

Mina raised her brow and tried not to be too affected, but her insides were scrambling both in panic and flattery, and it took everything from her not to smile.

“I see.”

Momo chuckled. “Yeah. My sister was suspicious and ended up asking if I have a crush on you.”

 “Your sister is pretty sharp.”

 “A smartass,” Momo clicked her tongue. “But yeah, I admitted that I probably have a crush on you.”

Mina turned the stove off. She took three plates and began filling them with steamed rice. Her back was turning from Momo and Mina took this chance to let herself grinning like a blithering idiot.

“Your parents didn’t mind with that?”

She heard footsteps. From the corner of her eyes, she caught a glimpse of Momo beside her. “No,” Momo’s voice was slow and easy. “That’s why they told me to just confess everything to you because they know that their daughter is a useless lesbian.”

Mina managed to serve the food, still maintaining her cool because it’d be bad if she suddenly got weak on the knees and dropped their dinner. Mina turned to face Momo again. Her face was serious this time.

“And what would you do if I said otherwise?” Momo squinted at her, seemingly confused at the question. “I mean if I told you that I couldn’t accept it or if…” Mina cleared her throat. She began shifting on her feet and her fingers twisting on the apron. “…I’m still married?”

The question was out of nowhere and maybe Mina was still bewildered with everything, though she saw Momo’s face fall for a brief second. _Yep, that was a wrong move_. Mina sucked a breath through her teeth. This was definitely a great start to a healthy relationship.

“I’ll give in,” Momo murmured. There’s a resignation in her eyes when she looked at Mina. “I’m not going to force what I feel to you.”

Momo’s face did get redder at the moment that followed, clearly trying to keep her composure. So much for being the smartest one, Mina didn’t even know what to say or feel in that matter. Something warm returned, constricting her chest like a burning chain, and Mina couldn’t stop herself from staring at Momo’s lips.

“I could kiss you.”

And Momo laughed again, though it only served as a fodder to hide how embarrassed she was. The other woman brought one hand to her forehead.

“Oh man,” Momo sighed, “this is why I adore you.”

Mina shifted closer, pressing her hand on Momo’s cheek, indulging herself in the softness of Momo’s skin. This was the kind of contact that always put Mina at ease: just being in the presence of each other and talking about normal things. The feeling in her chest slowly changed into something strong, almost suffocating, but it also made Mina calm for some reasons. She brushed Momo’s bangs away.

“And you always know how to get my heart,” Mina replied.

Momo held onto Mina’s wrist. “We should eat. The food’s getting cold.”

Mina pulled away, reluctantly. There were things she’d like to say to Momo, things she wanted to do, but Mina wasn’t that selfish. She’d get her time.

“Fine. I’ll go get Karen.”

Mina headed to Karen’s room with a smile on her face. She’s still able to feel Momo’s eyes on her.

This must be what falling felt like.

*

Mina raised her brow after she put the first mouthful onto her tongue. It was good, she decided. The fact that Momo created the sauce herself instead of buying instant packet added a nice signature on the taste. She looked up at her daughter and noticed that Karen was looking like she’s really enjoying this dinner. She even ate all the vegetables.

“This is good,” surprisingly, Karen initiated the conversation first. The girl spared Momo a look, “you made this yourself?”

Momo took a mouthful of water before answering. “Yeah. I’m glad you like it.”

“I thought you’re going to cook instant curry for us,” the girl quipped.

Mina opened her mouth to scold Karen but Momo was faster to reply. “Well, curry is like graphic design. It needs a personal touch to make them distinguishable from the others.”

The girl blinked, obviously trying to make sense of Momo’s sentence. In the end, she let out a shrug and put the last bite on her mouth.

“How was your study tour, Karen?” Momo asked, trying to quench the awkwardness because Karen was just sitting there and staring at her.

Mina held her wince. Karen was never good with strangers after all, but she also wanted her daughter to be more open especially to Momo.

“The aquarium one?” Karen asked back. “It’s boring.”

“Aquarium is dark and makes you sleepy right? I almost fell asleep the last time I went there,” Momo added with a nostalgic laugh.

Karen couldn’t agree more. “I just wanted to see jellyfishes but the teacher wouldn’t let us stay in one place too long,” she said with a dramatic sigh, “I love jellyfishes. They make me feel calm.”

Mina could only shrug when Momo turned to glance at her.

“Do you join a club in school?” Momo asked again.

“Yes. I play oboe in the school’s band.”

“Really? I thought you’re in the athletic club because you can run really fast.”

“I run…” Karen’s voice dropped to an almost whisper, “because I don’t want to get hit…”

Mina felt her heart drop when she saw Karen’s face. Something familiar began crawling on her throat. She looked at Momo and the woman was looking very confused at the answer. Clearing her throat, Mina quickly butted in.

“Karen,” Mina called her daughter. She didn’t say anything but it’s clear that Karen understood what she had in mind. A brief guilt made a pass on her heart for leaving Momo out of the loop, but this was something that Mina didn’t want to share with anyone else.

“Um…” Momo’s voice broke through the barrier between them. “Is something wrong?”

Mina put her hand on top of Momo’s, fingers curling on the knuckles. Tiny shivers went through her being as her nightmares began mocking her from the darkest corner of her mind. Mina heard footsteps as she tried to regulate her breathing. Not long after that, she felt a tap on her shoulder and saw Karen holding a cup of steaming tea. The look on the girl’s face was something between guilty and worry, and it only made things worse for Mina because she’s not supposed to show any weakness in front of her daughter.

“Thank you,” Mina gave Karen a caress on the cheek before sipping on her tea. Two sips were enough to calm her shaking nerves and after four sips, Mina felt like she just wanted to wrap herself in a thick blanket and sleep through everything.

“I’m sorry,” Karen spoke, arms circling around Mina’s neck as she hugged her.

“It’s fine.” Mina closed her eyes, inhaling the sweet scent that’s Karen’s favorite shampoo, and slowly hugged the girl back. When she pulled back, Mina could see that Karen was pursing her lips with tears were threatening to fall from her eyes. “Go back to your room. You look tired.”

Karen nodded. Sending Momo a weak smile, she slowly made her way to her room. The door closed with a soft click.

Momo’s expression had turned worried by the time Mina shifted her attention to her. She held Momo’s hand because she needed to make herself believe that this moment was real than any of her nightmares. It worked, as Mina’s breath came out smoother and even in each exhale.

“You okay now?” Momo whispered.

“Yes,” Mina scoffed in disdain. “That was really uncool huh?”

Momo rolled her eyes. “Now you’re just trying too hard to look okay when you’re not.”

“It’ll be over in seconds,” Mina made a circle with her thumb on Momo’s skin, “I need air. Let’s go out.”

Momo was still looking unconvinced but she followed Mina out. The hallway was empty when they stood outside. Mina could hear the faint sounds of television from some of the rooms. She leaned on the railing, hands curling to a fist to ease the shaking. Mina lamented the fact that her cigarette was somewhere inside her bag. She could use some distraction right now.

“What was that just now?”

Of course, there’d be questions. Mina might be trying to keep everything under control, but her little panic attack and Karen’s slip was enough to tip someone off if they really paid attention.

Momo wasn’t stupid and she’s paying attention.

“As I said, there are things about me that you don’t know,” Mina explained. Her eyes were glazed as she watched how bright the moon on the night sky. “This is one of them.”

Mina understood that Momo was expecting to receive a straight answer. However, Mina wasn’t the type to do that, so she kept pursing her lips and let silence do the talking. She heard Momo sigh.

“This should be the part when I say ‘you can tell me’ right?” Mina glanced at Momo, but the woman was looking at the sky above as if she’s also in the middle of looking for an answer.

“Do you want to know?” Mina asked back.

“I want to, but not now,” was all Momo said, finally looking at Mina. “I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell everything to me.”

Once again, Mina couldn’t help the rush of emotions that went through her being. Her heart was chorusing behind her ribs, each beat was a constant reminder that Momo had meant so much to her.

At this moment, in this empty hallway, where Mina could only see Momo under the pale moonlight, it all felt like a dream, one that Mina wished would never end.

“Can you kiss me?” Mina asked, more like she _almost_ begged. Her voice even came out rather soft to her liking.

“Right now?” And Momo sounded like she’s expecting it too. Their faces were close, as Mina could make out her reflection in Momo’s eyes.

“Yes.”

Mina felt Momo slid her finger under her jaw as her eyes fluttering, waiting for those lips to touch hers. And Mina was suddenly aware of Momo’s presence. Her perfume crawled into her nose. And Mina could feel Momo’s breath on her mouth. Everything was slowing down. Every passing second felt like a torture, and Mina leaned in. Her mouth pressed onto Momo’s mouth.

And when Momo kissed her back, Mina began noticing the details of Momo’s soft lips—or how in the world Momo managed to press her tongue against hers. It hit her in a way that she didn’t understand and the pressure wouldn’t stop, it made her slowly losing her mind, and Momo’s lips on hers started to feel more like a lifeline she desperately needed to stay afloat.

It’s terrifying. Mina had to grab onto Momo’s shirt to regain some clarity. Momo broke the kiss first and slid her lips along Mina’s jaw.

“You’re still trembling.” Momo’s voice was hoarse, but her touch was still as gentle as ever.

“It’s… I feel dizzy,” Mina gasped as Momo began kissing the line on her collarbone.

“You should get back in.”

Neither of them moved. Momo was still kissing every inch of Mina skin and Mina didn’t look like she’s ready to let Momo go.

“I should.”

Momo hummed in between kisses to Mina’s neck. “Can I kiss you again?” she asked, eyes staring at Mina.

Mina bit her lower lip. _I shouldn’t be doing this_ , she told herself. There was a conundrum, and everything was starting to boil down. She held Momo close, and she was sure that Momo could hear the insane echo of her heart. But she looked back at Momo and thought to herself that she should probably stop everything before it got messy. She didn’t need to add more complication to her life.

But Momo was here and Mina didn’t care about self-control anymore.

“Please.”

She pulled Momo onto her again, lips shaping, and Momo’s heart was beating against her fingertips.


	6. Memories, you and I

_On nights wrapped up in silver rising over the clouds,_

_The mistake pressed down on me won't disappear..._

 

_The Band Has No Name –Mistake_

 

Mina was in the middle of writing a proposal when the phone rang. Brows furrowed and her lips pursed in concentration. A ‘do not disturb’ sign was hanging on the door and anyone with a sane mind wouldn’t dare to step into Mina’s room, especially when the woman was looking that she’s going to implode at the slightest disturbance. She ignored the call, fingers still tapping against the key as sentences flowing smoothly. The call didn’t stop and Mina cursed under her breath. Even though Mina was trying to keep her temper in check, this was a moment where she wished that she could choke the person who dared to disturb her through the phone.

“What is it!” she snapped, answering without looking at the extension number.

_“You sound like you’re ready to pop a blood vessel there.”_

Mina breathed. “Oh Momo,” she mouthed the name, mellowing at the familiar voice. She leaned onto her chair and pressed a finger on her forehead. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. Do you need something?”

_“We have food here. It’s Akesaka’s birthday and he bought pizza for us. You want one?”_

Mina averted her gaze from the screen and, true, she could see people gathering around Momo’s desk from the glass window. “I’d love to but I have to send this proposal before 4,” Mina sighed. She checked her watch and wincing when she realized that she only got fifteen minutes left. “Sorry, I’ll call you again later.”

 _“Okay,”_ Momo replied. Maybe Mina was overthinking it but there’s a brief disappointment in that voice. _“See ya.”_

Mina sighed, sending a forlorn look outside. Her shoulders popped loudly when she stretched her arms up. All this office work wasn’t working well on her body as exhaustion started piling up on her.

Mina had a hard time sleeping at night. She blamed it on the stress even though she was painfully aware that’s not the problem. Sometimes she would tuck herself into Karen’s little bed, hoping that it would do enough to ward off the unpleasant dreams away. It started to become a pattern and Mina was not proud of it. She’s supposed to become Karen’s backbone, not the other way around.

The sigh that followed was heavy. She started to work on her assignment again.

However, the pace was tired and reluctant.

*

“You should get some rest,” Momo called when entering Mina’s room.

Mina was in the middle of massaging her head as she looked up “You always pick the worst timing to visit me,” she said weakly.

Momo ignored the statement and pulled a chair, eyes scrutinizing on Mina’s half-dead state. “I need my daily dose being lovey-dovey with you.”

 “That sounds stupid,” Mina scoffed. “And I’m tired, so don’t try anything funny.”

“You’ve been here for hours,” Momo continued. The playful tone in her voice was gone. Momo put her chin on her hand as she leaned to the table and gave Mina her fullest attention. Her face was neutral. “I know you’re busy, but this is really over the limit isn’t?”

“I have a bigger responsibility,” Mina countered. “And I’m sorry I couldn’t enjoy a pizza break like you and everyone else.”

Mina winced. That wasn’t her intention and Momo’s unimpressed look only added more weight to her conscience. “I’m sorry.”

Momo ignored her and put a cup of pudding on the table. “The pizza was gone in seconds but at least I could get you this.”

“I hate sweet things.”

 “No, you hate bitter things. Make up your mind already.”

“I’m not hungry,” Mina continued with a groan just as her stomach was rumbling again.

A smirk was steadily growing on Momo’s face, a familiar one and Mina braced herself for whatever was to come. “Do you want me to say ‘aah’ as I feed you?”

Mina attempted to cover her embarrassment by coughing as she opened the cup and shoving a mouthful while glaring at Momo. And by glaring, Mina was putting much force on it as a conviction that she didn’t find Momo’s awful one-liner amusing. However, the more time she’d spent with Momo, the more she realized that the effect of Myoui death glare was starting to get less effective on the woman.

“Your comebacks are as awful as ever.”

Momo was staring at her right in the eyes. “I’d do that, though.”

Mina looked away, annoyed but mostly very embarrassed. “I’m not a kid.”

Their little kiss that night had changed the gravity between them. Apart from their conversation had grown more intimate, Mina found it inconvenient that she wished to have Momo’s arms around her at any given time. Mina wasn’t clingy but Momo’s presence was always giving her comfort, especially in times like these.

Mina didn’t resist when Momo turned her chair around so she would face the window. When she looked down, Momo was kneeling, and there’s something within Momo’s eyes that’s molten enough to melt Mina. A faint smile curling on Momo’s lips.

“You’re not but I want to take care of you.”

Mina’s expression softened. A small smile tugged at her lips as Mina lifted her hand to smooth Momo’s hair. “You’re trying too hard to swoon me.”

“Can’t blame me for trying,” Momo stated. Her fingers curled around Mina’s wrist as she scooted herself closer to Mina. Momo’s hand was warm and Mina tried not to pay attention when she felt a pair of lips brushing against her knuckles. “Tell me everything.”

 “I didn’t have enough sleep these days,” Mina looked down, sighing in discomfort at the dull throb that’s pounding against her head.

“Nightmare?”

Something caught on her throat. “How did you—”

“I’m just guessing,” Momo shrugged. She’s still holding onto Mina’s hand as she observed the woman’s face. “I assume this has something to do with what Karen said?”

Of course, Mina wouldn’t say it, but she couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was useless to hide from Momo. Maybe Momo was secretly a psychic, or maybe Mina wasn’t as secretive as she tried to be.

“You’re half right,” Mina relented with a nod. “I hate feeling weak like this. Even Karen is acting very careful like she’s trying not to make me upset,” her expression quickly changed to a frown. A disappointment was apparent in her voice as she continued. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have burdened you with this.”

“I don’t mind,” Momo’s hand tightened around Mina’s wrist. “What’s the point of having a girlfriend if I can’t carry some of your problems?”

Mina’s low, surprised laugh carried through the room, entwining their fingers together as she held Momo’s hand at her chest.

“We’re too old to be called girls.”

“Ladyfriend then?” Momo challenged with an amused smile.

Momo received another swift knock on the forehead. The phrase was still awful and Mina should’ve hated Momo for that. “You really know how to destroy the mood.”

Momo brought Mina’s hand to her lips and she gave another kiss at the back of Mina’s hand. “You wanna go somewhere after this?”

“I can’t. I have to meet a client after this.”

“You said you don’t like meeting with clients after office hours.”

“I still hate it,” Mina recited her answer like gospel truth. “But I have to because apparently, the potential client is a huge pharmaceutical company in this country and the branch manager thinks that we shouldn’t waste the opportunity.”

Momo pouted. “I see.”

Mina’s brain was taking a detour from seeing Momo sulking like a child. It was cute, to put it simply.

“It’s just dinner. It won’t take long.”

Momo pursed her lips. “I know. I just… don’t like the idea of you exerting yourself.”

Mina tilted her head to the side and her voice came out sweeter than usual. “Someone is getting clingy.”

“I’m not.”

Momo huffed and she stood up, but Mina was quicker as she grabbed Momo and pulled the woman to her. She chuckled when Momo nearly lost her balance as her hands immediately flew to Mina’s thighs for a steady purchase. The smile on Mina’s lips was unflinching as she leaned close to Momo, noses almost touching.

“Are you sure about that?”

Momo exhaled, almost shuddering, and her face was looking red. Momo was indeed trying too hard to look cool and dependable, but Mina always had her way to turn Momo into a flustered ball of mess. Such was their dynamic. While smooth Momo was charming, it was the awkward Momo that made Mina adore her in the first place.

“It’s unfair,”Momo retorted back, voice dropped to a mere husk.“You know I can’t kiss you when we’re in the office.”

“You can’t but I’m the boss here,” Mina replied almost too easily, almost sounded like she’s bragging. “I can do anything I want.”

Mina almost laughed again when she looked at Momo’s face. It’s as if Momo was in the middle of turmoil because there were at least three different emotions rounding on her face right now. And when Mina leaned closer, Momo’s eyes were closed, her lips were open, and even her breath was slightly puffy. Let it be known that all Mina wanted was to pull Momo and just to kiss her, and for once Mina had no reservation about it.

Her mouth, however, pressed onto the line between Momo’s lips and cheek. It only took a simple nudge to make their lips met, but Mina knew they’re still in a very public room where anyone could find them. And while Mina didn’t mind if people know their relationship, she preferred to keep this moment between herself and Momo. Yes, she’s selfish like that.

“I’ll be back soon,” she said with her lips brushing against Momo’s skin, “don’t miss me too much okay?”

Momo’s face did get redder, though her voice was still defiant as ever. “And don’t ever stop being annoying, Mina.”

Mina grinned and gave Momo’s cheek a quick peck.

“I’ll do just that.”

*

Corporate dinners were on the last of Mina’s favorite event but she admitted this one was exceeding all her expectations.

Hasamitsu was one of Japan’s top pharmaceutical company and their brands famous enough to get global recognition, so it’s no wonder that they picked one, if not the most, luxurious Italian restaurant in Osaka for dinner. For starters, Mina didn’t even like Italian dish, but she couldn’t deny that the food was phenomenal. Mina took a particular liking to the seafood tagliatelle, even wondering if she could ask the chef for the recipe so she could try it at home.

“Hasamitsu doesn’t play around,” Ishida, the branch manager, commented at last. “Look at the prices. They’re more expensive than my monthly paycheck.”

Mina didn’t bother checking. Sipping on her wine, Mina decided to look around the restaurant instead. “This place is too big for three people.”

“I heard the company’s marketing director will come too,” Ishida added. He missed the confused look on Mina’s face because he’s too busy ogling on the menu.

“Why would a director want to attend a dinner with us?” Mina asked, suspicious.

Ishida just shrugged. “Dunno. Aiba- _san_ said that there’s a change in the company structure and their current director is a very detailed person. Hasamitsu actually has their own marketing team, but he thought that their work didn’t reach his standard so he’s looking for an alternative.”

Aiba was the representative from Hasamitsu. He’d excused himself to take care of some business, leaving Mina and Ishida occupying the table.

“And he chose our company?”

Ishida closed the menu and leaned to the chair. “Considering that we’ve had a good run for the past months and big projects in our portfolio, I’d say it’s natural if we catch his attention.” He gave Mina a light pat on the shoulder, sending a toothy grin to the young manager. “And it all thanks to you, Myoui.”

“It all thanks to everyone who supports me,” Mina offered a small smile. She swirled her glass and watched the red liquid inside. “I can’t do everything alone.”

Ishida’s laugh was kind and understanding. “To think that you almost pissed everyone off in the marketing department the first time you came here. Time really moved fast, huh?”

Mina couldn’t agree more. She knew her team was excellent and didn’t doubt their abilities, or that of herself. But she couldn’t contain her excitement to know that people appreciate their job and find satisfaction in their services.

“Myoui- _san,_ Ishida- _san_ , sorry for making you wait,” Aiba called upon his entry. The man was still young, around 25 years old, and trying hard to hide his nervousness. “This is our marketing director: Aijou Goro- _san_.”

Aijou Goro was a man that would make you stand on your toes in his presence. His hair was all white and slicked back. He had a slender build, but he was thick on the chest and there’s no excess of fat on the belly. He wore a black suit, white shirt, an equally black tie, and black chinos; his shoes were polished and shiny. The restaurant’s lighting accentuated the aging line on his face; his eyes were wide and cautious as if they’re always on the lookout.

Mina stood up, offering nothing but a quirk of an eyebrow at the sight of this man. Ishida almost knocked his knee on the table and in the middle of offering his business card to the man. Mina waited until Ishida finished before pulling her own card.

“Myoui Mina,” she offered the card with both hands, slightly bowing her head, “marketing manager of Densetsu Co.”

Goro accepted the card. His expression was unreadable but Mina could see a thin smile forming on his lips. “Pleased to meet you, Myoui- _san_ , Ishida- _san_.”

Their dinner resumed after that. It went rather formal with Goro asking about their jobs. Mina and Ishida took turns in talking but Goro put more attention to the company’s ongoing projects, thus pushing Mina to answer most of the questions.

“I’ve read the proposal that you sent to us a few weeks ago Myoui- _san_ ,” Goro added. His voice resonated deeply across the table. Mina peered to her side and noticed that Ishida was sitting with his shoulders squared. “I’m impressed. I especially like the design. It’s detailed, yet very easy to understand.”

“Thank you. My graphic designer, Hirai Momo, made that. She’s very talented. Actually, my team has a lot of talented people.” Mina replied. Her smile came out rather too wide. Mina’s cheeks were getting warm as she realized that she just called Momo as _her_ designer. Stupid slip.

Goro raised a brow, but he didn’t comment on that.

“Aiba, I think there’s a gelato stand over there. Why don’t you take some for me?” he pointed at the counter tucked near the corner of the room. “You can have some for yourself. Do you like gelato, Ishida- _san_?”

“Eh? Well…” Ishida was flustered and looked at Mina. The woman replied with a shrug. “I sure do, sir.”

“Then go with Aiba and choose whatever you like. I heard the gelato in this restaurant is really good.”

Both Aiba and Ishida excused themselves, leaving Mina and Goro alone. Mina, obviously, was more interested in her wine and while she could feel Goro was staring at her, she wouldn’t give the satisfaction by breaking the silence first.

“What a small world,” he said, “you look a lot happier than I remember. Not that I have anything to say about that. I’m just glad to see you doing well.”

“No, it’s Japan that’s too small,” she sang out, too sarcastic and full of malice, as she tapped her fingers on the table. “This should’ve been a formal corporate dinner, am I right?”

“Excuse me,” he said, then he gave a little smile. “Maybe I feel a bit too eager to see a familiar face.”

“I thought you’re retired. I mean, your family is already rich, why bother working?”

Goro picked on the napkin on the table. “I have a lot of free time, and I think it’d be a waste if I’m doing nothing.”

Mina chuckled. Something bitter was growing in her throat. She swallowed it. “Must be really nice to have such privilege,” she spat, acid burning in her voice that made Goro frown.

“How’s Karen?”

The light from the chandeliers was upon Goro’s face in a pale yellow hue. Mina stared at him, taking notes of the aging lines and exhaustion that was hidden behind the rigid façade. His gaze was hard, but it was looking tired. His shoulders were tense but they also sagged with a burden, and the clench of his jaw was too obvious to ignore.

“Why do you want to know?”

“I haven’t seen her in a while,” Goro added, “around three years.”

“She’s doing fine,” Mina stated. Her voice sounded too low, almost like she’s talking to herself. She didn’t care if Goro couldn’t hear her.

“May I see her?”

“No. Karen doesn’t need you or anyone from Aijou family to visit her.” Mina had hit the sore spot because she could see Goro’s gaze sharpened. She didn’t care and gave Goro the same look. “We’re doing fine right now. Karen is doing really well for herself, so you don’t need to worry.”

“And what about you?”

“Aki isn’t there.”

Mina felt the name coiled around her chest, the scar on her back felt like it was burning and making her suddenly nauseous at how poisonous that name as it rolled on her tongue. A part her wanted to run, the other part of her wanted to jump into boiling water at the sheer disgust of having to bear that man’s vestige for the rest of her life.

Goro focused straight on her eyes. Mina knew this man was nothing like Aki, but she couldn’t bear looking at the similarity. The way Goro was looking at her felt like he’s like trying to pierce into her soul.

“I’m doing fine,” the finality in Mina’s voice was blatant. “As long as Aki isn’t there, I’ll do just fine.”

*

There’s a faint sound from Karen’s room when Mina finally arrived. Her ears caught a subtle, yet confident sound from the oboe. The song was something she hadn’t heard before. It was slow, colored with longing, something that filled Mina with loneliness that she couldn’t comprehend. She zigzagged through the room, careful to not bump her toe on the furniture, and dropped onto the large sofa.

Mina was too exhausted she fell asleep with her swollen legs sprawled on top of the plush carpet. She’s still able to listen to the oboe; it pulsed throughout the empty space and lulled Mina deeper into slumber. She didn’t know how long she’s out before she woke up to the vague tap on her shoulder.

“Mom?”

She opened her eyes and worried face appeared before her.

“Hello, dear. Sorry I made you wait for me,” Mina said, smiling at her daughter and beckoning her to sit on the couch with her.

Karen padded across the carpet and pulled herself up. Mina scooted a bit so Karen could snuggle up against her. She pressed her mouth on the girl’s forehead, inhaling the faint smell of lilac on her hair.

“You look really tired,” Karen said. She held Mina’s hand and start applying massage on the sore muscles.

“I have a lot of things to do,” Mina replied. Her voice was scratchy. “Did you practice for the performance?”

“Yeah. I got the solo part, so I have to practice harder.”

“The song is beautiful. You play really beautiful,” Mina complimented.

She was rather skeptical when Karen told her that she wanted to join the school’s band. Not because Karen didn’t have the talent, but it was because Karen never showed any interest.  Her daughter was withdrawn; she didn’t even have any friends and rather difficult to socialize. And when Karen told her that she’d passed the audition and became a member that’d participate in a regional music competition, Mina felt nothing but immense joy

“Hikari helps me with some of the parts.”

“Who’s that?”

“My friend. She plays the flute and we share a lot of solo parts in the song.”

“That sounds great. Let me know when the performance is okay?”

Karen nodded, and both of them went silent again. Mina was holding Karen, slowly rocking her body and humming a song that hopefully would send them to a dreamless sleep. Today was particularly exhausting, with the stress of her work caught up to her and the unwanted confrontation with Goro, Mina wished that she could just sleep away and wake up forgetting everything.

“Mom, what’s wrong?”

Mina closed her eyes to keep her tears from falling. Her arms were on Karen’s back as she pulled their bodies close. She could feel Karen’s questioning eyes on her but Mina wouldn’t show her face.

Mina didn’t want to say. But every time she closed her eyes, she’s reminded of Goro, Aki, and the failures that would stay with her forever.

“I met…” her voice cracked, “I met Goro- _san_.”

A beat. Mina listened to Karen’s soft breathing.

“Granddad?”

A nod.

“Is he with…”

“He’s alone,” Mina whispered.

Something was rolling on her cheeks. She’s just glad that the room was dark so Karen wouldn’t be able to see her. Her heart felt very heavy when Karen began caressing her back, and the voice that came out from her throat sounded more like a beginning of a sob.

“Does he hurt you?” Karen urged.

“No,” Mina shook her head. “He said he wanted to see you.” Mina let out a long breath, gaze screwing up to the dark ceiling with a gloss in her eyes. “I said you’re fine but he can’t come here.”

There was another beat.

“It’s okay,” Karen said slowly. She kept her arms around Mina and buried her face on her mother’s quivering shoulder. “You did the right thing. I know that granddad would never hurt you but…” Karen inhaled a shaky breath, one that Mina understood why. “I’m still not ready to see him again.”

Beneath her fingertips, Mina could feel warmth, and there’s a faint sob coming from Karen. She didn’t see the girl’s face but Mina could feel it in her heart that what Karen felt was thousand times heavier than her. She tightened her hold on Karen. Palm pressing on the head, Mina’s fingers threaded lightly through the soft hair.

“We’ll be fine,” was all Mina could suffice.

And that was a promise that she never wanted to break.

*

Later that night, Mina was still unable to close her eyes.

She rolled beneath the duvet, trying to find a comfortable position but every movement only made her more anxious for some reasons. She reached her phone. It’s thirty minutes past 1 a.m.

Her phone buzzed. She didn’t bother to read the name, didn’t even care at the possibility that only creeps would call this late. Her voice was shaking as she said, “hello?”

 _“Can’t sleep again?”_ Mina held her phone tight, closing her eyes; a warm, yet painful wave rushing within her. _“You’re rustling a lot.”_

Mina let out a sigh. “How can you know?”

 _“Pretty sure that your bed is positioned right beside my bedroom wall_ ,” Momo explained. Her voice was heavy. _“I can hear you rolling around from here.”_

“Well, that’s creepy.”

Momo chimed in with a tired laugh. _“But seriously, are you okay?”_ Mina bit her lower lip, contemplating if she had to answer Momo’s question or just keep pretending. _“Did something happen in the dinner?”_

“Why don’t you come here?” Mina asked suddenly, looking at the ceiling like she’s trying to find some answers. “Maybe I can sleep better if you’re here.”

A tickle, a low hum of her heartbeat, and Mina listened to Momo’s silence. It was comforting and warm.  There’s a sense of security at the sound of Momo’s voice—and Mina never knew that she needed this more than anything in her life.

 _“Okay,”_ Momo said, stiff and conclusive. _“I’ll come right over.”_

The call ended and there’s a knock not long after that. She opened the door and found Momo already there, in her shorts and sleeveless shirt. The look on Momo’ face was confused, but there’s an obvious concern reflected in her eyes.

“Mina?”

The woman didn’t answer. Holding Momo by the collar, she pulled the woman close and pressed their lips in a kiss.

Mina wanted to forget.

Let her have her happiness, even if just for one night.


	7. Mask, scars

_ But I see your true colors _

_ Shining through _

_ I see your true colors _

_ And that's why I love you _

 

_ Cyndi Lauper – True Colors _

 

Momo could smell jasmine in Mina’s room.

She thought about that as she rested on the bed; her eyes staring at the ceiling and the steady hum from the air conditioner was the sole acoustic in this lonely room. Dim lighting from the balcony seeped between the curtain and Mina was breathing softly beside her, resting. By now, she could hear soft patter as the rain began pouring outside. The air was mildly cold, and the atmosphere, somber and lonely, was making Momo felt really sleepy.

Wrapped in blankets, Momo thought how strange it was to have Mina sleeping beside her. She glanced to the side but Mina wasn’t looking at her. Then she assumed that Mina was probably lonely. Maybe Mina thought that this bed was big enough for two people—that’s the most pragmatic thing to say. But Momo was thinking of something else, and she wished she could just stop thinking because this didn’t bode well with her conscience. 

“Are you still thinking, Momo?”

A preemptive strike and it hit Momo right in the chest. Mina still had her eyes closed, but her voice was clear as if she’d been awake for a while. The covers slipped down, showing Mina’s bony shoulders; the same shoulders that bear responsibilities and maybe other things that Momo had yet to understand.

_ You need to eat more _ , the sentence was hanging on the tip of Momo’s tongue. She didn’t say it, unfortunately.

“I’m thinking about many things.”

“Must be really important until you can’t sleep.”

A chuckle escaped from Momo’s lips. “Will it make you feel better if I say that I can’t stop thinking about you?”

Mina was looking at her with one eye open the second Momo turned around, she could barely make out Mina’s face, but knowing Mina, she must have a blank expression right now.

“We should kiss again,” the woman stated, flatly.

“You sound frustrated,” Momo caught Mina’s hand before the latter could take it down. Her expression turned serious. “What happened in the dinner?”

“The new client is someone familiar,” Mina began, “Aijou Goro. He’s the marketing director from Hasamitsu and he’s…”Her voice was lowered and eyes were looking at anything but Momo’s face.  “He’s Karen’s grandfather.”

The exhaustion was leaving Momo almost too immediately. “What?”

“Didn’t you know? I _was_ married,” Mina spoke again, voice laced with disdain. “And it didn’t work well for everyone involved.”

“What do you mean?”

Mina pulled her hand from Momo, slowly sitting down on the bed. Momo couldn’t look away, mesmerized, when Mina pulled the strap of her sleeping gown down her shoulder. Momo already had her hand raised halfway, intending to touch Mina, when the woman turned her back around for Momo to see.

“This is what Aijou Aki left me,” Mina muttered. 

Momo’s eyes traveled from the dip of Mina’s waist. The scar was stretched out and discolored, the markings of flesh was a shade darker than the rest of Mina’s skin. The one that caused the wound had intended to inflict a permanent scar, or worse. It was violent, ripping into the skin to draw blood. 

Momo’s throat tightened and it was getting hard to swallow. “Why...?”

 “He was a hateful person, full of anger, and very prone to violence,” Mina pulled her gown up. The tone of her voice was neutral, but Momo wouldn’t be deceived. She could see that Mina’s hand was trembling. “And he also has a severe dislike towards women like me.”

Momo felt dizzy, but she decided to ask, trying to keep her voice level. “So he… abused you?”

 Mina looked down again. It took several seconds and corrective breathings for her until she looked ready to provide the answer. “To put it simply.”

Something awful was bubbling inside her stomach, making her reeling both in anger and disgust. Momo scooted closer to Mina and reaching out her arms to Mina, pulling Mina to the bed by the stomach. Her eyes began to sting and Momo forced the shut before the tears could roll down her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” was all Momo could say. She should’ve said more—hell, she should’ve _done_ more.

“Why are you apologizing?” Mina’s voice came out too soft, almost rendering Momo’s effort to keep from tearing up fruitless. 

“I don’t know,” Momo inhaled again and made effort for her voice to sound normal. “It’s very frustrating to be so useless.”

Momo tightened her hold on Mina’s body. She took that information like a blow to the chest. And while Momo still had questions—of course, there’d be questions, she was able to see clearly the mask that Mina had been trying to hold onto was quickly withering away. It pained Momo that Mina had to build one. It’s as if Mina was trying to keep everything to herself, to present the strong Myoui Mina while hiding her scars.

There’s a short lapse after that. Mina didn’t say anything and Momo kept burying her face on Mina’s hair.  “You’re not useless.” Mina said again, softly this time. 

If this was a normal situation, Momo would’ve rehearsed her answers with every single conviction she had, but now she’s here, in Mina’s bed, and Mina was asking her a question that should’ve been easy for her, and yet...

“All I can do is hugging you, letting you know that I’m here, and telling you that everything will be fine,” Momo decided. Her lips brushed against her shoulder. “You deserve more than that, Mina, but I—“

“You’ve done more than I could’ve asked for,” Mina cut back. Her voice was oddly calm. Then, she let out a sigh. “Karen has been doing really well. She has friends, she’s involved in school’s activities, and we have a lot of promising project in our hands. A simple inconvenient like this should’ve never bothered me.”

The corner of Momo’s mouth quirked upward. “You’re right.”

“I get to know the overconfident and cheeky co-worker, and the office has been quite fun since.” Mina was supposed to be joking, but it was hard to understand the implication when the voice was painfully flat and devoid of emotion.

“You’re not that bad either, Mina- _san_.”

 “Maybe it’s me who don’t do enough,” Mina was silence again. Momo felt Mina’s frame was slightly trembling. “I should’ve fought harder, to become stronger. This… thing is frustrating,” her voice ended in whisper.

Momo’s mouth pursed shut. Again, she was rehearsing her answer inside her head, and there was this heavy feeling that refused to go away. Mina didn’t say anything, maybe she’s waiting, or maybe she’s also confused about many things.

“I can’t speak on Karen’s behalf, but I think you’re doing very well,” Momo took a deep breath, waiting for another rebuttal from Mina. It didn’t come. “We’re at the same age, but you’re so different from me. You have a great career, you’re smart, talented, you have found your place in society, you have a daughter who loves you,” Momo sighed, having that bittersweet feeling at the base of her stomach again. “As I said, you’re a superwoman. You’re strong. You can do everything.”

Mina didn’t turn around to face her. “I don’t have laser eyes so I failed the first qualification to be one.”

The quip came out as naturally as their usual banter. That fact alone was enough to bring a small smirk on Momo’s lips. She only wished for Mina to look at her though. Talking to a backside wasn’t as fun as looking at Mina’s pretty face.

“Myoui death glare is a non-lethal version of that.”

“Your joke is still the worst.”

“You’re laughing.”

“No, I’m cringing as we speak.”

She could hear Mina chuckle. Honestly, it’s nice to find a hint of smile in that forlorn voice. How could Mina be annoying and lovable at the same time? Momo didn’t know which side of Mina she preferred, but she had to admit that Mina had become a routine in her life. A very annoying routine, indeed.

They’re silent for a long time, long enough for Momo to start contemplating if she could just try to sleep. Her breath came a bit quicker when she felt a dip on the bed and there’s the feeling of Mina’s arm over her stomach and soon enough she felt a pair of lips kissing hers.

Momo inhaled again and made effort so her heartbeat didn’t reflect on her voice. Their noses brushed against each other. “You feel better now?” Momo didn’t move away. The scent of Mina’s shampoo was comforting.

Mina hummed. “This is embarrassing. I hate myself for being so weak in front of you.”

“I don’t mind,” Momo spoke up eventually. Her fingers fiddled with the tip of Mina’s hair in an attempt to distract herself. “I feel very happy, honestly, to have you open up to me.”

“I won’t do this too often,” Mina said.“This might be the first _and_ the last time you’ll be sleeping with me, so be thankful for that.”

Momo snorted. “Want me to kneel and kiss your feet too?”

“Ugh, you’re not allowed to talk until morning,” Mina groaned and buried her face deeper onto Momo’s neck.

Momo let her lips brushing against Mina’s head, and she felt Mina’s arms tighten around her. Exhaustion was slowly seeping into her being as her eyes felt considerably heavier in every passing second. Momo started to breathe slowly, the room was quiet and perfect, and Mina was sleeping beside her.

Momo began to drift deeper into slumber.

*

Mina was still sleeping when she woke up.

She decided not to wake the other woman as she stepped out from the bed. By now, the rain had stopped; the sky was dazzling, replete with moisture, even the air was crisp against her skin. Momo opened the door and caught a sight of a young girl already sitting on the couch. Karen was in her pajama, holding a mug, as she turned to Momo.

“Oh, you’re here,” she commented. Her expression was as flat as ever. “Good morning.”

Karen’s voice, which was quite deep for a ten-year-old, brought Momo back to her senses. She approached her and sat on the opposing sofa. “Good morning.”

Karen was observing her and, as usual, Momo was trying to keep her composure. The little girl had her eyes on Momo, seemingly scanning every nook of Momo’s body. The expressionless face only made things more awkward between them.

“Mom’s still asleep?” she asked.

“Yes.”

Karen nodded. Momo peeked onto Karen’s cup, noticing that the girl was in the middle of enjoying a warm Milo. 

“Did she have a nightmare?”

 “No. She slept well last night.”

The entire apartment was bright, and finally Momo could see Karen’s face clearly. She always thought that Karen was like a small carbon copy of Mina. And as she took her time observing the little girl, Momo concluded that both Mina and Karen shared the same pained look. Those clear brown eyes were looking dull and exhausted, as if they had gone through many things. 

Karen put the mug on the table and stood in front of Momo. “Thank you,” she said with a bow, “for helping my mother.”

“Hey it’s fine,” Momo quickly added, obviously panicking. “I’m glad I could help,” her brain spun a mile to find another excuse, “um, you want me to cook breakfast?”

“Really?” Karen said, blinking up to Momo, before shrinking back to her apathetic state, “but is it okay…?”

Momo smiled and put her hand on top of Karen’s head. “I could use a little help actually.”

Karen's answer was a small hum and a simple nod of her head.

*

Momo looked out, noticing that the sky was undeniably clear thanks to the rain last night.The entire apartment was filled with the scent of miso soup as Momo and Karen prepared breakfast. Karen was standing next to her, flipping on the eggs with a considerable skill. Momo was brewing coffee for her and Mina. The scent helped Momo to clear her head, and she remembered about things that had been bothering her since last night. The feeling of déjà vu was unwanted, and Momo turned to look at Karen.

“What?” Karen asked back as she put the eggs on the plate.

Momo shook her head. “You’re not curious why I’m here?”

Karen didn’t immediately respond. “Mom’s not the only one who couldn’t sleep last night, you know,” she answered slowly.

She didn’t like the implication, but kept the thought to herself. She poured the coffee into the mug, adding extra sugar for Mina. “You can come to sleep with us. I mean, the bed is big enough.”

Karen only offered a small smile at that. “I’m sure mom needs you more,” then she turned to look at Momo full on the face. “You saw the scar?”

The fact that Karen could bring that up casually didn’t sit quite well with Momo. What kind of hell had both Mina and Karen gone through? It was almost saddening how Karen dealt with things. How calm and callous she’d been—just like Mina, although Momo understood that the pain was still searing beneath.

“I did.”

Blinking, Momo met Karen’s eyes. The girl bit her lip. “You’re… not scared?”Momo’s shoulders went stiff, hand curling to a fist as the realization slowly sinking in. “Because dad said that everyone would be scared if they ever saw it.”

“So that’s why Mina’s been hiding it.”

Momo flinched at her own statement. Looking down, she saw Karen leaning against the granite counter with her nail scraping against the surface and sunlight outlining her rigid frame.

“Yes. I sometimes see her standing in front of the mirror and looking at it,” Karen’s voice dipped, eyes coming up to meet Momo’s. “That day was scary for both of us.”

“What happened?”

“I,” Karen started, then shaking her head. “I can’t tell you. I’m really sorry.”

Karen was an honest child and the pain in her voice was too obvious to ignore. And just like Mina, Momo also could feel the cold loneliness emanating from Karen. She dropped to her knees and Momo’s arms instinctively wrapped around Karen’s body and pulled her close. 

Momo rarely let emotions overshadowing her logical thinking. Ergo, this moment wasn’t particularly her proudest moment. She remembered what Mina said to her, the subtle flashback of the scar on Mina’s back, and Momo closed her eyes again. In her embrace, Karen was shuddering.

“Momo- _chan_?” she heard Karen call her. “Are you crying?”

“No,” she said. “I just need to recharge my energy.”

A single tear made its way down her cheeks. Her chest was this close from bursting.

And, of course, she wouldn’t say it.

*

The public transport was a nightmare no matter where you are, though Tokyo was another kind of beast compared to Osaka. But that’s not what Momo had in mind. The discomfort was more due to the fact the train was severely packed until she had to keep her balance by holding onto the grab handle while Mina was pressing close to her, so close until their fronts were touching. This wasn’t new for her. Hell, she had slept with Mina last night, so there was no practical reason for her to be nervous. But Momo was still uneasy, not to mention that Mina’s secret had done numbers to her anxiety.

And yet, Mina was looking normal. Momo cast a glance at Mina, the tension in her shoulders slowly chipping away when she realized that Mina was purposely leaning her head to rest on Momo’s chest. At that moment Momo could forget the uneasiness, she could forget the scar, the unshed tears, and the false persona that’s Myoui Mina, and just observed the woman before her.

Mina looked up, sending a weak smile to Momo and poked her on the belly.

“What’s wrong dear?”

There was a pleasant ring on the word ‘dear’ that rolled out from Mina’s lips. Momo couldn’t help but blush. It sounded warm and intimate, and Momo wanted to believe that Mina saved it just for her. 

“Maybe we should ditch office and go somewhere else instead,” Momo offered a light shrug. “I feel like I’m too tired to do any design today.”

“Where do you have in mind?”

Momo tilted her head, eyes looking up.

“USJ?”

 “I can’t believe you just asked me to bail on the job,” Mina chuckled, leaning onto Momo almost too casually like it’s the normal thing to do. “I can call the HR and have your paycheck cut, you know.”

“Come on,” Momo tried again. Generally, Momo wasn’t a persuasive type of person. It’s the same reason why she was bad in customer service. This time, however, Momo wanted to be selfish. Mina could pretend that everything was fine, but Momo clearly felt that Mina would implode if she kept bottling everything. “Just for this one time.”

“We should bring Karen if we’re going to USJ.”

“I want only you right now.” 

The phrasing of her statement made Momo realize that the implication was more than just that. It sounded like a date—no, more like a proposal, and Momo was sure that she’s definitely losing her mind.

“Fine,” Mina said simply, her voice didn’t reflect what she’s currently in mind. “I’ll call it sick today. You call the HR yourself and make your own excuse.”

When both of them finished their calls, Momo’s first instinct was to reach for Mina’s hand. Her heart was hammering in nervous excitement.

“Shall we?”

Mina smiled, entwining their fingers together. “Let’s go.”

*

Mina led them as they traversed through the park. Their hands were clasped loosely, fingers tangling, and neither of them wanted to pull away. The park was quite empty, understandable because it’s on weekdays and most people were either at work or school. 

Momo shifted her hand and pulled Mina closer, didn’t miss the surprise on Mina’s face and how gentle the smile that curled along those pink lips. It was easier to pay attention to Mina when she didn’t put any defense around her. Momo always thought that Mina was beautiful, albeit broodingly, but this might be the first time she’d ever seen Mina so relaxed. 

Both of them shared a particular phobia of the rollercoaster, so they picked a safer attraction like visiting the 4D theater and other rides that wouldn’t cost them a cardiac arrest. Momo had a great time, she even bought souvenirs, mostly everything that involved about Minions because Momo loved those yellow fuckers. Mina was less than impressed though.

“I can’t believe you’re a Minions freak,” Mina commented as Momo gleefully put another Minion plush doll into her bag. 

“What? Minions are cute,” Momo protested. 

“No, they’re idiots, they speak gibberish, and I’m sorry for your taste,” Mina continued.

Momo ignored Mina’s rant and suddenly pulled the woman onto her. Mina was a second too late to react as a pair of lips pressing on the corner of her mouth and when she blinked, Momo was grinning.

“You’re talking too much.”

Mina grumbled through her teeth. “Why are you smiling like that? It’s ridiculous.”

“You also look ridiculous wearing that Minions cap.”

True, Mina was wearing one. The cap was already stupid enough with its bright yellow color. And since Mina was still wearing her formal working attire, the contrast was making her look so out of place. The statement was enough to send Mina’s face into a deeper shade of red.

Momo didn’t fight when Mina pushed her by the chest. True, Momo felt a bit guilty for teasing her but this was the only time Momo could hold over Mina’s head as it was a rarity for Mina to be so flustered over something trivial.

They continued their adventure, playing around, riding attractions and taking pictures, only stopped when their stomachs grumbled in hunger. Momo took them to a restaurant that served Western-style food and alcohols, a sign was hanging by the front door, and the exterior was colored in blue and white stripes. 

“…so this is what they call dating huh?” Mina muttered. She was leaning against her hand and looking outside the window.

“Hate to break it to you but yes,” Momo accepted the menu from the waiter and began browsing for food, “we’re kinda dating right now.”

“I guess we’re not different from those people.”

Momo recognized that voice. She told the waiter that she’d place her order later, then she turned her attention back to Mina. “I believe so,” Momo replied.

Mina stared back at Momo with her eyebrow raised. “You don’t really have to do this,” she started with a firm voice. “My past was awful but I’m not paper thin, Momo. You don’t have to burden yourself with it.”

Did Mina seriously think that Momo doing this out of pity? Momo squinted at her, though Mina didn’t seem like she’s going to take back what she had said. 

One look into Mina’s eyes and Momo was able to see anger. It didn’t settle; it sat below the surface, making her to look callous in front of people who didn’t bother to delve deeper.

“You’re right, I don’t have to,” Momo replied. She took another gulp of breath before continuing. “But you need me,” her voice came out in a husk. She’s not sure if Mina could hear it.

Mina shook her head and looked away again. “Huh. You’re pretty confident with that statement.”

Momo reached out to Mina and put her fingers on Mina’s chin. She’s not a fool, she could recognize the patterns, she knew when Mina was putting a façade. Like when she talked about her past, or the nightmares, or the scar, or other things that amplified her already bubbling anxiety.

“It’s not about confidence,” Momo phrased it as a statement and both of them understood what it meant. She held Mina’s face gently in her hands. “It’s about you.”

Mina let out a shaky breath that tickled Momo’s skin. “I feel like I can’t function properly after meeting Goro- _san_.”

“He reminds you of many things right?”

Mina hesitated. Here’s another pattern: Mina was a smooth talker, all touchy-feely, and suave until her personal issues resurfaced and then she went limbo like she didn’t even know how to work through it. 

And maybe Mina had been doing this for all her life because she didn’t know anything else. All of her pain, her insecurity, she poured everything to her work, to raise Karen all alone. Momo wondered, how many nights did Mina spend curling in her bed alone when nightmares come?

“He’s not exactly the best in-law, but he did me a couple of favors, especially after…”

“After Aki slashed your back,” Momo finished, trailed off, and bit her tongue. She felt like a blithering idiot for finishing that sentence. 

_ Great, you’re not helping _ , she berated herself. It’s not like Momo hadn’t said some idiotic things to Mina before—hell, they even had sarcasm battle as their daily conversation because Momo found every quip that came out from Mina’s mouth profoundly enjoyable. 

But now, Christ, Momo was sure that she was just mindlessly hurting Mina with her unnecessary comment. Something heavy was weighting on her shoulders and her heart was squeezing almost too painfully inside her chest. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“You’re not wrong. Goro- _san_ helped me through the divorce,” Mina added. Her smile was kind but the bitterness in her voice wasn’t that difficult to miss. “I don’t know if he did that because he was guilty or because he had another motive.”

Momo let her fingers caressing Mina’s cheek, a simple gesture that she hoped it’d be enough to provide some comfort. “Maybe he really did want to help you.”

 “I wonder about that,” Mina scoffed, then her voice turned somber again. “He said he wanted to see Karen too.”

“And?”

Mina shook her head. Her expression was still looking somewhat normal for someone who’s clearly in distress and that made Momo worry a little. 

“I’m still not ready,” Mina chuckled thickly. She pulled Momo’s hands off her face only to entwine their fingers together. Mina blinked over, cutting into Momo like the first day they met. “I think both of us will never be ready.” Mina let out a long breath, gaze screwing up to the ceiling again with obvious gloss in her eyes. 

“You did the right thing,” Momo spoke again, her voice was softer than it had been before like Momo didn’t want to push the wrong button. “Maybe it’s stupid of me to make any assumption, but I believe in you. Whatever decision you’re going to take, you must know that I will support you.”

“But—” Mina stopped herself. “Sorry. I know you’d never lie to me.” 

Mina smoothed her thumb on Momo’s knuckle. Just like the night when they first kissed. Mina’s expression softened. Seeing Mina so vulnerable had always brought Momo whiplash, though now Momo was kind of glad that Mina was slowly opening up to her. Looking down at their hands, Momo smiled seeing Mina was still holding them.

“Mina,” Momo called her. Mina’s eyes snapped to hers and Momo couldn’t help but to smile at how adorable Mina was looking right now. “I trust you for every decision you make. And in turn,”  she smoothed her hand through Mina’s hair and gave Mina her best smile, “please, trust in me as I take care of you.”

Momo was sure that Mina was this close from exploding. Well, Momo also didn’t know how in the world she could muster that insane amount of courage in order to say _that_ thing. 

What was the meaning of it? A promise? Another slip? Was Momo seriously thinking that she had the power in her to do that? 

But Momo bared her heart, and she intended to keep it that way. It was a confession, one that bore too many promises, and it would stay forever in every part of her being. Everything was coming in waves and Momo didn’t have time to segregate what she’s feeling anymore. Momo was always bad at romance, and she was even worse when she’s trying to be smooth, but damn if her conviction wasn’t strong enough to make Mina believe that she’s not alone anymore.

“You really know what to say to make a girl feel slightly better.”

“Just slightly?”

Mina’s laugh was sounding more like a sob. “Your ego doesn’t need another push.”

“Aw man, I can’t win against you, can I?”

“I love you,” Mina stated simply. “I’m in love you. I want you to stay with me. I want you to cook for Karen and me. I want you to sleep with me, with or without nightmares. I want Karen to be close to you. I want you to be a part of my family,” Mina pursed her lips and her cheeks were turning red again. “You’ve won me, Momo.”

Momo didn’t know what to think of the confession. It’s pure Mina: passionate, diplomatic, typical marketer but that’s what made everything so overwhelming. Momo should’ve said something if her heart wasn’t thumping so loudly over her brain. And, honestly, Mina was indeed detrimental to her health. Momo didn’t dare to guess if she’s going to survive this ordeal.

Momo breathed, each inhale went deeper than the previous one. She saw Mina waiting for her. Momo opened her mouth.

“I love you too.”


	8. Unspoken, doubts and fears

_ I don't understand if you really care _

_ I'm only hearing negative, no no no, bad _

_ Lisa Loeb - Stay _

“Goro- _san_ wants to meet you.”

Momo stopped; hands went halfway under the pouring water. The washroom was empty save for both of them, making the water sounded louder than it needed to be. Momo blinked, then there was a sigh—it burst against her mouth, and Momo ended up chuckling. A small one as it tried to poorly disguise whatever uneasiness that began to crawl under her skin. Mina, on the other hand, was staring.

“What for?” Momo asked.

“He said he wanted to meet the designer,” Mina shrugged, “to avoid miscommunication.”

Momo rolled her eyes. “I’m not good in talking department, and you know that,” she commented, maybe ranted it out.

“I’ll come with you,” Mina turned, to humor Momo, “Goro- _san_ is a reasonable man and he knows what he’s doing. You’ll be fine,” then she ended it with a sigh. “I hope.”

There’s a distinctive dread that wasn’t too hard to miss in Mina’s voice which, in turn, didn’t make Momo feel any better. Two weeks had passed since the company started working on the Hasamitsu project. Everyone was excited with the project at first; now Hasamitsu was like everyone’s worst nightmare.  

“I definitely don’t want to meet him with a face like this,” Momo shook her head. She cupped the running water in her hand and splashed it to her face. It’s not enough to ward off the sleepiness. Momo winced at her reflection. She looked terrible.

“I’m sure he’s more interested in talking about how bad we’ve been doing this job.”

Momo wiped her face with a paper towel. “Okay, you sound pissed.”

“I received emails from Hasamitsu. They’re not happy because the digital campaign in social media didn't work out as they had hoped,” Mina peered at Momo through the mirror. “And there are other technical things that I’m embarrassed to even speak about it.” 

Momo frowned. “And?”

“The campaign is suspended,” Mina sighed with a shake of her head. “It won’t take long until they stop using our service.”

She heard faint footsteps outside, probably the janitor—Momo didn’t care enough because all she could see was Mina’s face, or how Mina was looking at her, eyes bore the same exhaustion as Momo’s and lips crooked downward in frustration.

“This is tiring,” Momo said it, more to herself.

“Indeed,” Mina agreed. “I just hope Goro- _san_ won’t berate us for performing so poorly.”

“Yeah. My thoughts exactly,” Momo added with a wince. “I don’t think I can keep my cool if he criticized my design.” The long working hour had taken its toll on some of the staffs, including Momo. Her back was aching, her average sleep was three hours, and sometimes she would stay overnight in the office. 

“Maybe he’ll say one thing about it. I can’t guarantee if he’s going to be kind about it though,” Mina chuckled, reached out to Momo and touched her cheek. 

Momo batted Mina’s hand away. Gently. Her fingers caught against the inside of Mina’s wrist and held it close. “I could really use a cooldown hug now,” she added.

The laugh was just kind of happened. It chorused against the wall in a light, low rumble and made Momo a little dizzy.   


“You’re such a child,” Mina told her and leaned forward, poking Momo’s nose like it was enough for a substitution. 

“You think he’s going to ask things that are outside of,” Momo made an air quote before continuing, “’job boundaries’?”

“What makes you think that?”

Momo didn’t want to appear too privy, but she knew bits about Mina and Goro’s relationship. She couldn’t imagine how awkward it must be for Mina to be in this situation. “Just curious,” Momo muttered, shrugging. Her hands pressed onto the granite as she pushed herself to sit on it. 

The frown Mina wore was apparent; maybe she's wary about it too. “I hope not.”

 “You’re hesitating.” Momo pulled Mina by the waist, hands pressing on Mina’s back, and their faces were paralleled to each other. Mina was looking beautiful as she took a sharp intake of breath when Momo slowly slipping her fingers under the blouse. 

“I never hesitate.” 

Mina held Momo’s hands before they could venture much further, pressing them against the cold granite in a playful hold. Momo could feel the soft shudder of breath from Mina against her mouth. It was enough to destroy whatever self-control Momo had because she couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Mina.

“I didn’t lock the door,” Momo muttered, half-expecting for Mina to understand that kissing here didn’t sound like a good idea although she also understood that it’s useless to reject the temptation.

As expected, Mina replied with a laugh as she leaned forward, kissing the corner of Momo’s mouth like it’s something she’d been itching to do. _We’re not supposed to be doing this_ , Momo almost said, but then Mina pressed her lips fully onto Momo, making the woman sighed into the kiss, realizing that making sense of this situation was just another futile excuses for both of them.

The kiss went quick as Mina pulled away almost too abruptly, leaving Momo gaping, searching for the familiar warmth that’s Mina’s lips. When Momo opened her eyes, Mina already had that infuriating grin on her face. She had her thumb to Momo’s bottom lip, intending to wipe the lipstick stain but only manage to press the plump flesh down until it parted. In that moment, Momo’s breathing came a bit too harsh.

“Let’s get back to work,” Mina giggled, obviously enjoying what she’d done to Momo. With a graceful flick of her wrist, she tucked her hair behind her ear and walked out, leaving the peculiar jasmine scent lingering on air.

Perhaps Momo had forgotten that she still had a functioning brain because it took her a solid two minutes to gather her thoughts from the floor. Momo turned around and stared at her own reflection, noticing that her lips were slightly red.

Momo ended up squealing; cheeks starting to get hurt with how wide she’s grinning.

Never a dull day alright.

*

Momo followed Mina inside the restaurant. Her shoes squeaked against the marble floor as they made their way through the room. Momo walked close to Mina, ignoring how underdressed she was with her usual flannel shirt and jeans. The place was luxurious, with expensive silverware, suave waiters, and grand chandeliers; the kind that only served aesthetic food for the riches.

Their table was near the window and Momo awkwardly pulled the chair to herself when she realized that the waiter was about to do the same. Restaurant’s protocol, maybe. Momo kept her eyes on Mina in her peripheral vision. The woman sat beside her though she seemed tense than she needed to be. 

The waiter came up to them quickly with a polite smile on her face as she put the menu on the table.

“What can I get you?”

“Two hot coffee, extra sugar for this lady,” Momo pointed at Mina. “We’ll order food later.”

She nodded and took the menu before sauntering off, leaving Momo to cast her eyes about the room to ease her own uneasiness. Her knees jiggled along with the nervous tap of her shoes against the floor. 

“What Goro- _san_ looks like?” Momo asked, partly in curiosity.

“He’s tall, with dark eyes, old, white hair. He looks like he’s frowning all the time and that’s just his normal expression, I think. He’ll make you feel intimidated from just staring at him.”

Momo let out a weak cough. “Now I’m getting more nervous.”

“That makes the two of us,” was all Mina say. She looked down her lap while chewing on her lower lip. Their coffee arrived a moment after. Mina didn’t waste time to take a small sip. “I hate feeling uneasy like this.”

 “Sorry for the wait,” a deep voice resonated and Momo tensed almost instantly.

Mina must have felt the same way too, because she stood up with her spine straightened in a perfect posture. Momo followed suit, her business card ready inside her pocket, trying to appear nonchalant in the face of this unknown adversary.

“Good evening, Mina- _san_ ,” Goro greeted. He put his tablet on the table before turning his attention to Momo. “And you are Hirai Momo?”

Momo offered Goro her business card and sent a brief bow to the older man. “Pleased to meet you, sir.”

Goro accepted the card with a smile, quick and rehearsed, before sitting down on the chair. Momo caught Mina’s expression from the corner of her eyes, didn’t miss the glint in her eyes and how rigid her expression was. Mina was obviously trying to hide her pain, and that fact alone made Momo’s heart hurt a little bit.

“So is there anything you want to discuss with us, Goro- _san_?”

Mina didn’t beat around the bush; probably she’s fed up with all this less than enjoyable suspense between them. Her expression was bland despite the obvious disdain coloring her voice.

Goro raised a brow. “What’s the hurry? I just arrived here.”

Mina didn’t react, or she tried not to show any reaction. “We don’t want to waste your time.” 

Really, Momo didn’t know how to make out of this situation. Mina seemed like she had difficulty maintaining her cool; it’s as if Goro’s presence was more than enough to destroy whatever defenses this woman had.   


Of course it’s weird to meet with your ex in-law, especially when you also had a history with the in-law’s son. And it’s definitely even weirder to have that ex in-law as your client. Mina was a consumed professional, but it’s not a rocket science to know that it took more than professionalism to face Aijou Goro with a straight face.

“Aren’t you pretty straight to the point, Mina?” Momo frowned. The way Goro called Mina was too callous and it made her feel annoyed for some reasons. Goro threw a brief glance at both women before continuing. “I have a plan to create an advertisement  for our product and broadcast it in television and in other video streaming service .”

“Is this different from the current project?” Momo asked first as an excuse because she couldn’t stand the obvious, one-sided animosity that Mina had towards Goro.

“Yes. This is a brand new product. As you can see, our company’s goods are mostly pain relievers, skin care product, and pain relief patches. They are always associated with adults, sometimes old people, that’s why our management thinks that we should create something new that’s suitable for younger audiences.”

He pulled something from his briefcase. It looked a lot like an aerosol paint that Momo often saw in home depot store. The label was Hasamitsu’s products but it has an ‘under development’ notification placed on the side of the can. 

“It’s still under R&D’s supervision and we’re going to launch it around next month. Basically, it functions like normal pain relief patches, but—”

“Repackaged as a spray,” Momo added, deadpan, and quickly regretted how loose her mouth was. Goro was staring blankly with Mina quietly pressing her palm on her face. Momo faked a cough. Her cheeks were feeling rather hot. “So you want us to do the promotion?” 

“Exactly,” Goro agreed. “Our competitor has already launched their own brand of aerosol pain reliever, while Hasamitsu still sticks with the conventional one,” Goro leaned on his chair and pressed his fingers on the side of his head. The dim lighting didn’t help to conceal the exhaustion that’s circling under his eyes. “That’s why we need to work a bit harder for this advertisement so it can yield the expected result.”

“Excuse me,” Mina commented after a while with Goro watching her as he sipped on his drink. “That’s a very nice idea and all, but our company never work on a broadcast advertising. We don’t have the resource and I think I’ve made it pretty clear that we’re specializing in digital media.”

“Oh I know. It’s a pity that the campaign performance has been quite abysmal these days,” Goro jibed back with mirth in his voice. 

“Is that an insult?” Mina asked back. 

Momo’s brows twitched in surprise. Mina’s voice sounded different; it was calmer compared to a few minutes ago, but there’s still something hidden beneath the cool façade and Momo wasn’t sure whether Mina was doing it on purpose to intimidate Goro or she wanted to appear strong despite how hard she’s trying to hide her own uneasiness.

Under the table, Momo put her hand on top of Mina’s balled fist, trying to calm the other woman from making mistakes that would cost everyone’s effort. Mina didn’t budge at first, but her fist was slowly unfurled and Momo quickly twining her fingers with Mina for an added measure.

Goro was pointedly staring at them. He didn’t seem to notice what happened under the table, or that’s what Momo wanted to believe.

“Do you want me to say that your company sucks?” Goro quipped with slight smirk on his lips. Mina didn’t say anything but the look in her eyes was murderous.

“Mina is right. Our company doesn’t have the resources to do that kind of ad,” Momo quickly added to diffuse the situation. The animosity between these two was so thick you can even slice it with a knife. “And we're also busy with another project too, so please understand our situation, Aijou- _san_.”

Goro didn’t immediately answer. Instead, he had his eyes on Momo, which in turn made the woman turn tense in return. “I’m sure you familiar with storyboard, right Hirai- _san_?”

Momo gulped. Her brain was spinning fast.

“Yes. I know a bit or two about it.” 

“Perfect,” Goro clapped his hands, “can you help me with—”

“This project is not listed in the previous agreement, so Momo can’t do any job for you,” Mina cut in. Again, Momo held her wince. Mina was sounding more like loose cannon the longer she’s in Goro’s presence. 

“I can make you a new agreement. If you’re worried about payment, I will personally pay your shit company, so don’t worry about it!” Goro’s eyes narrowed. The neutral look on his face subtly changed. Even his voice turned considerably colder. He turned his tablet on and showed a couple of early ideas for Momo to see. “I did some brainstorming with my internal team. Why don’t we discuss it now to make it easier for you to understand?”

*

“Who are you to Mina?”

The lilt in Goro’s voice was curious for Momo. The woman looked up from her notebook, noticing that Mina wasn’t on her seat, and she was alone with Goro. She snatched her pen and began scribbling random on the paper.

Momo blinked up, finding the question odd. “We’re just colleagues.” 

“Only colleagues?” Goro repeated, more like he’s trying to find a crack in that statement. “Both of you look rather close”

Momo very slowly rolled her eyes to meet Goro, who was staring back at her with the same calmness that started to grate on Momo’s nerves.

“Is that a trick question?” 

The restaurant was crowded enough, but Momo felt like she’s trapped. Her face was hot and she wished she could just leave. Momo saw something in Goro’s eyes like the man was in the middle of analyzing her. 

“I’m just curious about your true relationship with her. You know, she’s a bit difficult to deal with.”

Momo narrowed her eyes. “I’m not going to say anything about it.”

A laugh. Goro brought his cup to his mouth, smirking against the glass when Momo’s head snapped up. His voice was firm and confident as he met Momo’s gaze head-on. “Oh sorry, didn’t think it’d hit a sore spot.”

Something in Goro’s voice almost made Momo snarl. “Can we just go back to the job, please?”

“How about Karen? Have you met her?”

There was a twitch on the corner of Momo’s eyes. The question had managed to invoke the protective side of Momo. She didn’t like where this conversation would go.   


“What do you want to do?”

 Goro grunted, making a small gesture with his shoulder. “I’m her grandfather. I deserve to know what she’s doing.”

“I think there’s a good reason why Mina’s reluctant to let you see her.”

“You sound like you know everything,” Goro stared her down. His voice came out in a perfect deadpan. “Mina showed you that scar, didn’t she?”

Momo’s face soured at the mention of that scar, which was all kind of understandable. Not only it left a bitter taste in her mouth, but it also made her think about what kind of unspeakable things that happened back then. 

 “I kind of understand why you picked Osaka office when your company is based in Tokyo,” Momo surmised, still meeting Goro’s cold stare that actually burned more than a scorching heat. She placed her hands on the table, balling her fists to in an attempt to calm herself. “You know that Mina works here,” Momo waited for a reaction, but Goro’s face was a perfect, stone cold monolith. The accusation didn’t even budge him. “This project, this dinner, all of it is just an excuse for you to find Mina, right?”

“And what are you going to do with it?” Goro let out his own chuckle. He leaned back, eyebrows raised, his body language alarmed Momo almost immediately. “You would trust someone you don’t even know just because she showed you that scar?”

Momo have him a pointed look. “No one would lie for something like that.”

“Are you sure?” the question was laced with just enough conviction that made Momo almost doubting her own statement. Goro’s cool eyes stared back, reading her, accusing her.

“She told me that your son abused her and Karen.”

“And do you really know?” Goro growled, serious, and he didn’t seem like he’s accepting blind accusation. “ Do you really have any idea what happened between Mina and my son? Has she told you everything yet?”

Momo’s throat went dry.

“No.”

Goro’s gaze was fixed on Momo. “You can’t be that stupid to trust someone who’s not even telling you the truth, can you?”

Momo stumbled, trying to fix her gaze onto Goro. This man was too much, but Momo wouldn’t look away. She couldn’t allow Goro to mess up with her mind. 

Goro was dancing around the topic. She’d been sitting with him for the past hours and Momo was still grasping at Aijou Goro’s character. It’s not like he’s going to personally abduct Karen or anything, yet it’s safe to assume that Goro was not a friendly old man regardless how unassuming his appearance was. His smile was polite, yet it also belied secret and fakeness that made Momo’s skin crawl. 

“Mina is important to me,” Momo replied. She wanted to say something else but refrained herself. Goro didn’t need to know. The tips of her fingers started to turn white with how hard Momo was clenching her hands. “And I want to trust Mina, even if it’s stupid of me for doing it.”

It’s kind of weird to say this now, in front of a stranger, about what she felt about Mina. And those feelings were some sort of crashing down, down her throat and past her ribcage, past every fiber in her body until her eyes stung and she was overwhelmed with suffocating desperation. It would be uncool if Mina stepped in now, to see Momo in this pathetic state all because she let Goro under her skin, feeding her with doubts and fears. 

“You’re a good girl,” Goro’s voice rang out, teetering between amused and pity. “And you deserve better. It’s not too late to stop getting involved with someone who’s not entirely honest to you, Hirai- _san_.”

Momo bit back her answer. If anything, she’s not in the position to talk back to Goro. Momo was exhausted. She didn’t have the energy to fight. She felt a presence beside her and followed by Mina’s voice asking her. Momo didn’t listen to her own voice; her mind was full of voices that she’s not able to ignore.

The sad thing? Momo still didn’t know a thing about Mina, what kind of person Mina was, and why Mina always drove Momo senseless when she’s around. Momo didn’t have any control over it. The first time she had her eyes on Mina, she knew that she couldn’t run away. Her world seemed to stop every time Mina smiled at her, and her inability to deny Mina. 

It’s stupid.

And that’s when everything became scary.

*

The neighborhood was understandably empty at night. It’s already late and Momo’s feet felt sore. She fixed her gaze on the road as she walked, listening to the steady clack of heels as Mina walking by her side. Her lower back was aching and Momo reminded herself to make an appointment to doctor one of these days. 

“Hard day, huh?”

Momo glanced at Mina. The woman was looking forward; her expression was sour.

“As it should be,” she replied, curtly.

“You sound annoyed,” Mina threw another accusation. Momo shifted her gaze, straightening her back as she tried to keep her composure. 

“I don’t get enough sleep,” Momo’s voice was dry. “It just happens.”

Momo wished Mina would just drop it because she could feel Mina’s gaze burning on her skin. “Goro- _san_ told you something.”

“He didn’t.”

“It’s not a question.”

It was a second too long. Everything started to blur. Momo stopped walking as her chest started to feel a bit tight. And Mina was standing there, looking at her, confused at Momo’s lack of words and maybe something else. 

“I feel terrible,” Momo muttered, pinching her eyes shut, remembering about her promise and Goro’s face. 

Mina was waiting.

“I’m trying to make it work,” she continued. “It’s just that… maybe, I’m too weak and fickle, and it sucks. Because I know I should’ve trusted you and I think that’s the most logical thing to do, right? Especially since I asked you first and you accepted me no matter how ridiculous our situation is.”

She’s not making any sense. Her words were all over the place. _I’m the worst_ , she thought. 

“Oh Momo,” Mina sighed. Not suddenly. Her voice was softer, placed together with hesitation. Both of them had been thinking about this for a while. Mina insisted, shaking her head. “I should’ve never left you alone with him. I’m really sorry.”

Momo braved herself to look Mina, ignoring the sharp prick behind her eyes. “No. It’s purely my fault. I let him messing with my head.”

Mina cleared her throat, eyes looking away. Probably she’s trying to find something to say. Momo could only watch the arrays of emotions in Mina’s face with interest, preparing herself for another disappointment. It’s difficult, you know, to figure things out.

“Goro- _san_ has made this job feels too personal for me.” She ran her fingers along Momo’s arm before curling around Momo’s wrist, pulling the confused woman closer. “I know I haven’t been entirely honest, but—”

Momo’s stomach churned.

“It’s just— I don’t want to burden you,” Mina murmured. Her expression darkened; her thin lips pressed to a tight line. “I love you too much to subject you to that.”

Momo told herself, _Mina was honest._ She’s thinking about trying to reassure Mina, but sometime between that, her ears started to ring as she swallowed the bitter bile down her throat. Momo didn’t want to doubt Mina, tried to convince herself that she’d trust Mina with everything she had. But the doubts were there, ghosting the back of her brain, and didn’t seem to subside soon.

So Momo forced a smile, intending to just finish this conversation and walking away, only to have Mina catching up to her. Her blunt nails dug into Momo’s skin.

“Momo, wait.”

The woman replied with a shake of her head. “Let’s just go home. It’s late already.”

“We’re not finished talking, Hirai,” Mina almost snapped at her, still holding onto Momo. She shuffled forward to get a better look of Momo’s face. The authority in her voice returned in vengeance and it stung Momo right on the chest. 

“I didn’t lie when I said I trust you,” Momo said slowly, honestly too. “But maybe I’m just as bad as anyone else in this relationship. I mean…,” Momo let out a chuckle, wincing at how exhausted it sounded. “How can I be a good girlfriend for you if I can be easily swayed like this?”

“But you are,” Mina berated, half-heartedly with her hands grasping on Momo’s cheeks. Momo tried to meet Mina’s eyes, finding them sharp and daunting and boy, did it make her feel unexplainably small.  “I can give you a lot of compliments until you died from embarrassment, but you should understand and _remember_ that I’m so lucky to have you.”

Momo’s smile was weak. “What kind of compliments?”

The question caught Mina off guard, but she continued her sentence almost too easily. “You don’t know how to take hints, you’re not even as calm as you’re trying to appear to be. You have a limited wardrobe but I think you look cool with that flannel shirt and skinny jeans. Your charm point is that you’re slow to catch on things. You’re brash, brave, impulsive, you confessed to me first, you try to love me and Karen, you even try to trust me, and I really love you for that. And—”

Momo was sure that her heart was beating too hard against her ribs as Mina kept assaulting her with compliments. She froze, beet-red, as her mental switchboard began to overheat. How should she react to this? The feelings were overwhelming and Momo wasn’t clearly thinking when she grabbed Mina’s face and pressed her lips onto Mina’s, intending to shut the woman up. Their lips shaped and flushed. Momo could taste coffee on Mina’s tongue, and the kiss was as messy as the onslaught of different emotions started to rage within Momo’s being. 

It didn’t matter that they’re in the middle of an empty street, or how long they’re kissing. The sudden, sharp sense of intimacy just happened. Both of them were exhausted, and there’s nothing more desiring than having someone else to share the burden. The uneasiness slowly subsided, Momo had her hands placed firmly on Mina’s hips and Mina securely wrapped her arms around Momo’s neck.   


They pulled away after some time, foreheads pressing to each other, and listened to their own heavy breathing. 

Mina asked her first.

“…how long have you been waiting to kiss me?” 

“After you almost killed me with your compliments.”

Then there’s a laughter. “I have many more to tell, you know.”

Momo kept her eyes close, but she was smiling. Her head, though, was still spinning. 

“I’m not ready to die young.”

“I won’t let you,” Mina’s thumb found her lip as she caressed it. “You’ll stay. I love you a bit too much.”

Momo could agree on that.

She, too, loved Mina terribly. 

And it made slightly crazy.


	9. Joint, disjoint

_The promise that bound me to you, that day, on the way home..._

 

_Suga Shikao –_ _ ユビキリ _

 

 

Momo struggled with the gnawing ache on her lower back. She adjusted the strap of her bag, only to get it digging deeper into her skin through the thin material of her shirt. The sidewalk was full of salarymen alike and Momo pivoted in autopilot to avoid any unwanted collision. Her brain was tired enough to deal with any of that.

The train journey was more like an endurance test for her. Everyone stood really close with shoulders pressed against each other, and Momo bore her gaze to ceiling, thinking about Mina and had to hold her gag when she smelled a sharp stench of body odor from some dude near her. Public transportation was hell. Nothing new about that.

It’s dusk when she arrived at the front lobby of the apartment. The sky was colored in pinks and oranges, glossy, looking like it’s a perfect picture for a postcard. It felt a bit romantic as she looked up, silently wishing that Mina was here, but Momo knew better. They had been busy for the past weeks. Mina always had meetings with some production houses for the commercial and Momo was preoccupied with her own job. Their moment together was scarce and Momo admitted that she’s kind of missing Mina.

And then she saw Karen in the hallway with an oboe in her hand. Moreover, before Momo could say her greeting, Karen already noticed her, peering at Momo curiously. The instrument looked serious in her hands.

 “You’re alone.”

“Mina will come home a bit late today,” Momo said at length, almost regretting it because Momo couldn’t ignore the crestfallen look on Karen’s face. “Are you going to practice?” Momo asked suddenly to divert the attention.

“Yes.”

Karen was sounding flat as she said that, almost sounding bored, though Momo wasn’t in the place the judge the girl’s behavior.

“Can I watch?”

Karen raised a brow at the question. “You won’t like this kind of music.”

She wouldn’t like it, but Momo was always up for something new. Her lips turned to a grin.

“I can listen to anything.”

Karen gave another dubious look before walking off.

“Hey, where are you going?”

“Rooftop,” Karen answered without looking back, not even waiting for Momo to follow her. “The wind feels nice up there.”

Momo always thought that Karen was Mina’s mini clone, but that these two was actually nothing alike. Mina’s sternness was limited to work and professional matter; the woman was a sweetheart and a bit spoiled in private. But Karen was a special case. She’s very quiet and didn’t seem to be able to communicate her feelings properly which, in turn, made everything feel awkward between them.

“Are you coming?”

The corners of Momo’s mouth quirked to a smile. Karen was asking Momo, so it’s safe to assume that she’s thrilled to have her very first audience although Momo wasn’t quite sure because Karen’s bored look could mean anything.

Nevertheless, she bit the bullet and approached Karen. All of her exhaustion seemed to evaporate as soon as she jogged to the staircase.

*

This moment was fleeting.

She couldn’t explain it any other way. Mostly because Momo didn’t have a wide vocabulary, but she knew Karen played beautifully and it’s enough to distract Momo from whatever worldly affair that had been burdening her. The melody was clear and bright as it pierced the lonely afternoon sky.

The feeling was confusing, mostly because Momo had never felt something like this before. Maybe the music got into her, maybe the mood was too perfect, or maybe Karen was too good at playing her instrument. Either way, Momo just sat there, feeling the music seeping into her bones, and realizing that something was missing when the music came to a halt.

Karen was looking at her

“Are you crying?” she asked, and Momo’s hand immediately reached to her face and dabbed the tears off her eyes.

“It’s just the dust,” she said, even as she realized that it’s just a lie. “You play really beautiful.”

“It’s my solo part. Of course, I have to play it well.”

Karen took a purposeful step to Momo and sat beside the woman. Their arms almost touching although there’s still an unspoken distance between them. Metaphors were easier when words were not enough to convey what you feel. Maybe Karen was trying to tell Momo what she’s feeling because she’s not good with words. Or maybe not. Everything was nothing more but an assumption. Momo could be wrong.

“Did mom tell you when she’ll be home?”

“No. I didn’t have the chance to talk to her all day,” Momo explained. Then she let out a sigh. “She’s very busy,” she muttered. “And I’m not sure it’s a good thing or not.”

The words hung on the air like a burden.

“She’s always like that.”

Karen’s words sounded like a statement. Or was it a confession? Momo didn’t know. She heard crows cawing in the distance and the breeze was cool against her face. Her shoulders set back and Momo took another deep breath.

“I wish I can do something.” Karen put her oboe on her lap, fidgeting on the reed with her nails. She held her gaze upfront, obscuring her troubled expression from Momo. “Something that can make her feel better.”

Momo chuckled. “Kidnapping her might work,” she joked.

Karen turned to Momo. There’s an obvious interest glimmering inside those bright eyes. “You really think so?”

“I’ll even help you with that,” Momo added, lips quirking like she’s trying to emulate a villainous grin. “But I don’t have a car, so I’m gonna carry her on my back while you take her bag.”

“Aren’t the cops gonna get us?”

Momo almost laughed. Karen was no more than a child at heart. It’s easy to guess that she’s curious as well as excited with the idea.

“Of course not. We’re going to wear a disguise to protect our identity.”

Momo was rambling. She’s an adult and should’ve known better, but toying around the idea of kidnapping Mina was just as fun. She stood up and started to make a pose; one hand making a gesture on her right eye, left arm stretched out to the sky, even her voice turned lower to create a dramatic effect.

“Something cool and dashing like phantom thieves.”

Karen looked back at her with an unreadable expression, and Momo was hit hard with the realization that she’s just humiliating herself in front of a kid.

“You’re funny,” Karen blurted out, laughing at this point.

Momo blinked.

“Huh?”

Karen nodded as she gave a small smile to Momo. “What you did was stupid but it’s also funny. Just like mom said,” she added as if it’s something that Momo should’ve known by now.

Momo couldn’t decide if she should be flattered or insulted. Of course, she’s not going to blame Karen. Mina had to take responsibility for that.

“Really?”

 “Yeah. Mom always looked so happy every time she’s talking about you,” Karen admitted, very much ignorant that Momo was this close from having her head exploded. “She said that you’re always talking about ridiculous things. Now I understand why.”

Momo kept herself from grinning like an idiot. Her dignity was already shattered; she didn’t have to make it worse. She had to change the topic quickly before she lost her mind.

“Have you eaten?”

“Ice cream and chocolate cornet after school,” Karen admitted with a light shrug. She didn’t sound like she’s worried over it too. “That’s not eating isn’t?” she winced at her own question.

“How about we have ramen for dinner?” Momo proposed. She put her hands on Karen’s shoulders; her expression was confident and bright. “I’ll cook for you. The taste won’t be that different from the ones in Nipponbashi. You’re going to love it.”

“Can you make ramen with egg and cheese?”

“Of course,” Momo agreed. She offered her hand to the girl, “Shall we?”

Karen didn’t hesitate this time.

*

The dinner was simple and comfortable and it was easy to get lost in conversation. They had ramen with eggs, mushrooms, and shrimps, and a glass of cold barley tea. Karen’s mood was getting better as the dinner went on. She involved herself in the conversation, making awkward yet comical gestures and telling Momo about interesting things in her school. It’s a pleasant change of pace, frankly.

“We should leave some for mom.”

“Yeah, she’s probably starving,” Momo agreed as she put the bowl down. She’s glad that her cooking turned up well. It’d been a while since the last time she made ramen by herself. “It’s good that we finally have a chance to talk.”

“What?”

“Well, you’re starting to open up, which is a good thing,” Momo commented as she leaned on her chair and placed her hands on the table, trying to get comfortable. “And you also let me see you perform. When is the competition anyway?”

“Next week.”

“Mina knows this, right? I’m sure she’ll come.”

Karen went quiet for a while and was seemingly deep in thought.

“She won’t.”

“Why?”

Karen blinked at the question, but she tilted her head. “With how busy she’s been, I don’t think she’ll have time to go,” she sighed again. “She often came home very late, and we didn’t talk much either.”

Momo swallowed. Her mouth felt a little itchy. “Maybe because she’s tired.”

 “Mom always keeps everything to herself. Every time I ask her, she always said that she’s fine,” Karen was visibly distressed, taking a deep breath and began fidgeting on her seat. “She often looks so serious… and sad. It’s like when we’re still with dad.”

Momo’s hand twitched. She didn’t know any other way to do this. She’s not good at consoling people, didn’t even know how to talk to children with a traumatic experience.

Karen was troubled as she tried to arrange her sentence.

“Mom said that she met with granddad,” Karen picked on the table. “She didn’t say anything about it but I think she’s scared.”

Chains started coiling around her chest. Her knees started to jiggle in a fit of uneasiness. Momo met Karen’s gaze. Her brain was spinning to find something to say, preferably something that could calm the poor girl.

“They’re just working. Nothing will happen beyond that.”

“But what if… it is?” Karen’s voice trailed to a whisper. “What if dad shows up and takes mom away and hurt her?”

The realization hit her and Momo despised it. As much as Momo disliked Goro, she still had this hunch that Goro was thoroughly sane and wouldn’t hurt Mina. However, she didn’t know a thing about Mina’s ex-husband. If that guy could scar Mina for life, Momo didn’t dare to think what kind of monster he’s going to be if he got his hands on Mina again.

Momo didn’t listen to her voice. Everything just blurted out.

“Then I’ll just kidnap both of you.”

“But you don’t have a car.”

It’s incredibly sincere thought that would have been funny, but Karen was staring at her as if she believed everything that Momo said. It’s sweet and baffling, in a sad kind of way.

“That would become a problem,” Momo agreed, “maybe I should rent a car first?”

“Can you even drive?”

Momo winced. “Uh… I plan to get my license next month.”

Karen was blank for a mere second before she let out a scoff, burying her face on her hands. Those tiny shoulders were shaking, followed by a muffled giggle. The girl’s face was flushing when she looked up at Momo.

“That doesn’t sound convincing.”

“Hey I’m still in training,” Momo replied; her tone remained simple. The words that soon rolled off her tongue tasted close like a promise. “In the meantime, I’m going to keep you well fed and help your mother from overworking herself. Consider it as a training to become a dashing phantom thief.”

Karen laughed again. “That sounds stupid.”

Momo could only smile, but her mind was resolute.

She’s going to talk to Mina about this.

*

Momo was restless.

She threw her glance to Mina’s room, standing up before sitting down again, grumbling to herself. Obviously, someone caught her weird attitude and Momo realized it when she caught Akesaka staring at her.

“What?” she chided.

“You make me anxious with all those grumbles and jitters,” he pointed out. Then he sent a brief glance to Mina’s room. “You’re not seriously thinking going in there.”

It’s not a secret that disturbing Myoui Mina when she’s busy was like asking for a swift execution, and Mina wouldn’t make an exception for that.

“I have something to discuss with her.”

Akesaka raised a brow. “Is it about a job?”

“No,” Momo shook her head. “It’s about her daughter.”

Akesaka pursed his mouth. He gave a good look at Momo, then to Mina’s room, and back to Momo. “Just make it quick,” he concluded before focusing back to the monitor.

Momo didn’t find Akesaka’s advice helpful, but she slowly rose from her chair and made her way to Mina’s room. Her heart was beating a bit too hard. She took a mouthful of breath and pushed her way inside.

“Do you have time?”

Mina only peered at Momo from her laptop. The table was cluttered with papers and empty cups of coffee. Momo wrinkled her nose. Mina really had to clean those.

“Not now, Momo. I’m busy.”

It’d be stupid for Mina to think that simple rejection was enough to deter Momo.

“I’ll be waiting here until you’re not busy anymore,” Momo said in resolute.

The frown in Mina’s forehead was apparent. “Don’t you have something else to do?”

“It can wait.”

“No, it can’t because your deadline is on the 12th, which is tomorrow and you haven’t sent any revision to me, so I suggest you go back to your desk and—”

“When was the last time you speak with your daughter?”

Mina blinked because, obviously, she didn’t expect that question. She lifted a hand over her face and pulled her glasses off, fingers tapping on the tabletop. Her shoulders were set back.

“Why are you asking me this?” Mina inquired

Momo raised a brow. “Karen’s worried about you.”

“She’s just a kid.”

“She’s _your_ kid,” Momo corrected. It’s a little sharp. “She has every right to worry about you.” Momo pulled her phone and snapped a picture of Mina’s face. She quickly shoved the picture to Mina’s face before the woman could protest. “Look at it! You look miserable, you work like crazy, and I bet you don’t even remember that Karen will have a competition next week!”

Mina’s face fell. She met Momo’s gaze. Mina was looking exhausted, but the look she gave to Momo was cutting. “You’re not in the place to tell me what to do.”

“You’re just being selfish,” Momo still shot back. She’s not going to hold back. Sure, she had her own breakdown after that disastrous meeting with Goro and she understood that Mina carried heavier baggage, but this was too much. “Overworking yourself like this won’t make you feel better, Mina.”

 “What do you know, Momo?” Mina scoffed. She’s tired, irritated, probably sad too because there’s a crack in her voice. Maybe what Karen told her was all true.  “Look, I’m busy right now and I’m not in the mood for emotional pep talk. Just go away.”

A knock from the glass door broke their heated conversation. Ishida was standing outside, his hand raised in silent permission to enter. Mina cast a brief glance to Momo before motioning Ishida to come in. The cool air from the outside breezed in as the door opened.

“Did I disturb you?” the man asked gingerly, fixing his gaze to Momo and Mina.

“No. What is it?” Mina asked back. Her voice was terse.

“Have you finished the sales report for the meeting? I need to make some adjustment.”

“I’m currently working on it. Should be ready for tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Ishida frowned, “the meeting’s been moved to 3 pm this afternoon.”

“What?” The color of Mina’s face changed. “Nobody told me that.”

“Weird. I’ve already asked the admin to inform you.”

Mina’s eyes were deathly sharp; there’s not even a crack on her expression as she picked the phone and dialed a number. “Tatsumi, come to my room now.”

Momo rubbed her hands. The temperature seemed to drop a couple of degrees. Even Ishida was looking uncomfortable.

Tatsumi was a man in his mid-twenties with his hair slicked back and wore a pair of thin-framed glasses. He was looking nervous as he stepped inside the room. “Yes, ma’am?”

“Ishida- _san_ said that he asked you to inform me that the meeting’s been moved.”

The man was looking down and fidgeting on his finger.

“I put a note on your table when you’re out for the teleconference this morning.”

“Where?”

“Near the calendar.”

Mina looked at the calendar for some notes. “You didn’t put anything there.”

The man was visibly paled at that. “What? But I’m sure— ”

Now Mina’s voice was beginning to sound like she’s in the verge of exploding.  “How can you even sure about that? You put a small post-it near the calendar, didn’t even try to follow up, and you expected _me_ to know!?”

Momo winced. The anger in Mina’s voice was so palpable until Momo felt like Mina was actually fuming at her. Tatsumi, in return, was starting to quake on his shoes.

“Sorry, I—”

“And the sales data that you sent me is also wrong! I have to revise everything because you’re too busy watching e-sports on your phone and don’t even understand how to summarize a report! You’re just an admin, your job is nothing compared to the others, and you can’t even do it right!”

“Mina!”

“Oi Myoui!”

Both Ishida and Momo quickly interrupted. And it took a millisecond for Mina to realize what she’d said. She dropped on her chair, eyes looking down, and her eyebrows met in anguish. Momo could see the way Mina clenching her fists. They’re trembling.

Momo caught a whiff of Ishida’s voice as he sent Tatsumi out. The job hadn’t been kind on Mina’s mental state and it showed.

“You can send me the report when you’re ready, Myoui,” Ishida concluded. His voice was uneasy. He looked like he wanted to say something more but preferred to keep it to himself. The click of the door was deafening in the heavy silence that befell the room.

“Mina, you’re…”

“I need to go to the washroom,” Mina replied, almost gritted her answer.

She stood up, looking a little wobbly than usual. Her expression smoothed out until it’d become impossible for Momo to understand what kind of storm that’s brewing inside Mina’s head. Mina sidestepped Momo as she walked to the door—

And that’s when Mina suddenly stopped.

Momo was a second too late to catch Mina when the latter fell to her knees, a second too late comprehend everything as Mina began throwing up dark, yellowish liquid from her mouth. Mina was hunching, hands pressing against her mouth in a futile attempt to stop the regurgitation. Everyone was looking at Mina in panic, in horror most likely. Even Ishida quickly ran back to help.

“Call the ambulance!” Momo yelled, holding Mina’s shivering figure. She didn’t seem too bothered with the fact that Mina was vomiting on her shirt and the air was filled with a strong, foul stench of coffee and other things. Her brain was too convoluted to think any of that. Momo only wanted Mina to get medical attention as soon as possible.

“Just use my car,” Ishida quickly offered. “I’ll drive you. It’d take too long for the ambulance to get here.”

Momo just nodded. She held on Mina’s arm around her neck as she pulled both of them to stand.  Someone handed her tissues and Momo used them to dab the excess of drool from the corner of Mina’s mouth.

“You’ll be alright,” Momo called. Her voice sounded different in her ears. She’s probably choked up. Hell, Momo didn’t know anything anymore. “I’m here.”

She heard Mina hummed but it’s low, tired, and Mina’s consciousness was slipping away in each second. Momo kept moving, still holding onto Mina, focusing to get to Ishida’s car and ignoring the bewildered look that other people gave her. Mina’s head lulled to the side and rest against Momo’s shoulder, her breathing was slow and measured.

Momo sucked a breath through her teeth. The sharp needles that began pricking on the back of her eyes were starting to become a nuisance.

_This is the worst._

*

The hospital lounge was full of people. Momo was sitting in the corner, quite far from other people. Legs stretched out, Momo was leaning on the chair with a straw on her mouth, the empty juice box was discarded somewhere. She’d been biting on it for a few minutes now to distract herself.

Momo was tired and she’d like to have a big beef bowl and twelve hours of sleep, but the idea was unrealistic. There were many things going on through Momo’s head. One, her conversation with Mina reminded her that she definitely had to revise the design. Two, she had to tell Karen about this and she realized that she didn’t know how to deliver bad news to someone, much less to a kid. Three, her shirt was wet. And _stink._ She already washed it, but… yeah, still stink.

There’s a tap on her shoulder. Ishida was sending her a wry smile as Momo looked up.

“Myoui is resting now. The doctor said she had a… uh, Gastroesophageal reflux,” Ishida exhaled forcefully, all but shaking his head in disdain. “Seems she’s not taking care of her health. Chugging all that coffee is not good for her digestion.”

 “Mina skipped her lunch too,” was all Momo could provide. Her throat was too scratchy to speak. Ishida didn’t comment any further and took a seat beside Momo. “Don’t sit near me. I stink.”

“My car smells worse than you,” Ishida cut back with a sardonic laugh. “Never thought I’d see the day where the mighty Myoui Mina finally collapsed.” A pause. Maybe Ishida was thinking about it too. “She took everything herself. No wonder she’s breaking down.”

“That’s just who she is,” Momo added, pouted, feeling suddenly useless and angry. “This project with Hasamitsu doesn’t bode well for her mental health.”

“What do you mean?”

Momo bit her tongue. She wanted to tell everything to Ishida, or maybe begged Ishida to just terminate the working agreement so their company didn’t have to work for Hasamitsu anymore, but Momo wasn’t in the place to do any of that. Then again, the contract termination would affect the company’s reputation and rendering everyone’s effort useless.

“Let’s just say this project is too much than we can handle.”

“I agree,” Ishida added. Eyebrows frowned in distaste, and Momo could understand the sentiment. Mina was pushing herself too hard and didn’t seem to realize that the price was a tad too high. “Asking us to produce a TV commercial is a dick move from them. They know we don’t have the resource for that,” then he turned to look at Momo. “You came with Myoui in that meeting with Aijou- _san_ right? Why didn’t she reject it?”

“She did, but you know, Aijou kinda insisted for us to do this,” Momo said in a slow voice. “He basically guilt tripped us by saying that we didn’t do a great job in PPC, and he gave us the last chance to do our job right.”

“What an asshole.”

If the situation was slightly better, Momo would’ve laughed with how Ishida openly cursing Goro. It was necessary and felt poetic in all its obscenity. Momo’s shoulders hurt with how she’s sitting but it’s next to impossible to find a comfortable position with chairs like these.

“I’m gonna go back to the office. And you… please tell Myoui’s daughter about this,” he let out a grunt as he stood up, complaining under his breath about his knees. “I know it’s hard but just try to make her understand, okay?”

Momo’s reply was only a small hum. Her brain was all over the place. A sharp tug on her shirt finally caught her attention and she slowly blinked whatever that’s clouding her mind and turned to look at Ishida.

“You better get back home and change your clothes,” his cool, dark eyes were staring down at her, reading, knowing. “Freshen up a little. I’ll ask Akesaka to cover your job.”

“Yeah. Thank you.”

“Hey, she’ll be fine.”

And Ishida’s voice was laced with such assurance that Momo had to inhale another shaky breath to calm herself. The pricking needles returned. Momo had to clench her fists to keep her emotions from spilling over.

“I know.”

“You’re such a crybaby,” Ishida commented. The tone of his voice remained gentle.

“I’m not!” Momo pouted. Her cheeks felt somewhat wet, actually.

Ishida offered a small laugh and gave Momo one last pat on the shoulder before sauntering off, leaving Momo alone with her thoughts. The sound of constant conversation in the room pierced through her. Her throat still felt a bit scratchy, but the throbbing in her head had turned down to a merciful degree.

And Momo began to breathe,

slowly.

*

“So… your mother is staying in the hospital tonight.”

Momo waited for any reaction, an outburst would suffice, but Mina’s daughter was just sitting there, looking down and didn’t utter a single word. Momo watched Karen absentmindedly fiddle with her fingers. There’s this uncanny silence that began to unsettle Momo. 

 “Do you want to go to the hospital?”

 “No.”

Karen’s reply was brief, hanging in the middle, and Momo didn’t know how to take it.

“Then we’re going to visit her tomorrow, yeah?”

God, even Momo’s voice was a mess. 

No answer. Karen only gave Momo a simple nod.

“Right,” Momo muttered under her breath. Everything was messed up, and Momo didn’t have any idea to fix it up.

And yet Momo tried to become a good adult. She’d been trying to take control of the situation, even if she knew she’s far from reliable. Momo pressed the back of her hand to her eyelids, feeling another headache coming. Six hours to midnight and Momo cursed that time couldn’t move faster.

“Do you want me to stay here?” Momo asked again, biting hard on the inside of her cheek. “I mean, it’s dangerous to be alone. At least until Mina returns…”

Momo felt bad for this. Hell, she felt bad all over.

Karen’s answer was a weak, shivering, “Yes.”

And as Momo lie down on the futon on Karen’s bedroom floor that night, she listened to the sound of muffled sobs from the bed beside her. It pierced through the eerie silence of the room. Even the hum of the air conditioner was quieter than usual.

The night marched on, and the chain that coiled around Momo’s heart was slowly suffocating her.

 


	10. Love, prisoner

_You always confused on your way_

_No wonder, you couldn't back home_

_All you could do was scream_

_And hope for someone's help but it'd reach nobody_

 

_Aimer - Polaris_

 

The last time she’s in a hospital was that night after the incident. There were bits and pieces of memories. The pain was blinding, gripping every fiber of her being, dangling in line between life and death. And there’s blood, lots of blood, and the knife, and Mina could barely make out the lingering voices around her.

Those days felt more like a distant memory. The bitterness, however, remained unchanged.

Her parents both died when she’s still young. After that, her grandparents brought she and her brother, Kai, up. Her grandfather died sometime on her second year of high school and her brother got accepted to a college in Fukuoka. From then on, it was just Mina and her grandmother.

Her family had steadily decreased as days went by, and when grandmother died later that year, it suddenly dawned on her that she was all alone. The abruptness felt misplaced, almost like a bad joke, and Mina didn’t know how to take that.

Before the funeral, Mina had barely known Aijou Goro was.

That day, when Goro showed up all of a sudden, Mina actually wondered why he would bother to come. From all she knew, Goro came from an old family involved in plantation and medical care whose name was quite well known in some of the prefectures and also owned a number of companies including real estate, restaurant management, and hotel chains.  He’s wearing a sleek black suit as he stepped to the altar to burn the incense; his expression was solemn. But still, this man was still unknown to her, what kind of relationship he had with her late grandmother. Then, turning to Mina and sent her a smile that barely graced his lips, he said,

“Let me help you,”

His voice was firm and measured and offered no further explanation.

True to his words, Goro did stay through the day. However, he didn’t say a thing about his true intention, insisting to Mina and Kai that he’s just here to help.

Goro came to her house three months later. However, he didn’t come alone.

Aijou Aki was a tall man with long limbs and pretty features and his eyes were round and sharp just like his father, but they looked darker and disarming. Other than the fact that Aki was currently heading an Aijou-owned tangerine plantation in Shizuoka, Mina didn’t know anything much about him.

They sat in the living room. Mina was fidgeting beside Kai, eyeing Goro and Aki in discomfort. There’s nothing impressive the first time they met; sidelong glance, a brief conversation that’s barely memorable and something else that Mina didn’t bother to remember.

However, she could pick up a small detail when Goro said that her grandmother used to work in one of the Aijou’s tangerine plantation, and Mina remembered that her grandmother always received a box of tangerines in every two weeks. Her grandmother always said, “Aijou- _san_  is so nice…” or something like that. Tangerine was her grandmother’s favorite food. When her grandfather was still around, they always ate them together in the living room, lounging away in the lazy afternoon.

The memory was still fresh on her mind. Those were the times where everything was simpler. When they’re poor and happy. However, now that she looked back, Mina felt nothing but immense loneliness lingering within her.   

Kai did most of the conversation with Goro. Even after Mina got to know Aki a little, she still had an impression of aloofness coming from Aki, no matter how polite he was. His expression remained cold and unchanging even as Goro told Mina that they’d come again before leaving. 

Their story, though, was far from over.

*

Bad weathers wouldn’t stray too far from an equally bad day.

Season’s changing and spring was on its last day. The windows were shut as rains pattered against the glass. The sky was dark and grumbling with an occasional flash of lightning. The room didn’t have anything interesting either: only a bed, night table, IV, and a small green flower vase. Even the food was bland, but the nurse said it’s necessary for her recovery and Mina ate them slowly as she watched the rain pouring outside.

Someone was knocking on the door. Mina didn’t bother to reply as her throat felt scratchy so she just continued staring to the window with no interest, wondering when she’s going to get out of this place. Her ears caught someone stepping in and as she turned around, Kai was approaching her with a small smile.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

Kai was a bulky man with a crew-cut hair. He’s three years older than Mina and worked as a baseball coach at a high school in Tokyo. His hair was looking wet as he hung his coat in the hanger. Once he was close enough, Mina was able to see wrinkles started to form around his eyes.

“My stomach still feels weird, but at least I’m not vomiting anymore.” Kai dropped a container onto Mina’s lap. There’s a neat arrangement of melons, apples, and pears inside. “The hospital’s food isn’t that bad you know.”

Kai’s eyebrow rose, turning his expression doubting and curious all at once. “You didn’t look too thrilled eating that porridge.”

Mina opened the container and took one slice of apple. The fruits were juicy; it’s a nice change from the food that she’d been eating. “Just kidding.”

Kai took a seat next to her. “When are you going out?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Mina replied between bites, shrugging out to make a point. “I could leave now but they need me under observation.”

“I see,” Kai commented with a nod. “Karen told me that she’s going to visit after school.”

“I just hope the rain has stopped by then.” Mina stopped chewing for a brief second before sending a worried look outside.

“I’m sorry I can’t pick her up. I have to go back to Tokyo this afternoon.”

“It’s fine,” Mina shrugged and took another bite from the fruit. “Momo will come with her.”

Talking to Mina was like decoding a puzzle. Mina would never mention personal matter even if her life depended on it. Kai learned this the hard way when he found out about the abuse when he got a call from the hospital that Mina was in a critical condition because of that slashing incident. But this one was different. Mina had talked to Kai about Momo, and despite the woman’s effort to keep the information as brief as possible, it was too easy to guess that there’s something between them.

“About Hirai Momo…” Kai dragged out, looking as if he had any place to ask his next question. “Is there something I should know about her?”

“She’s my neighbor,” Mina explained, preferring to stare at the fruits.

Kai wasn’t a psychiatrist but he’s a coach. He understood how to deal with people. He noticed that Mina was absentmindedly picking on the blanket, unsure of what she’s going to say.

“And?” Kai prodded gently.

Mina wanted to say that she and Momo had kissed, they went to an amusement park together, that Momo helped her in the office and cooked for her and Karen. “And uh… we’re going out.”

Mina could only pout at the knowing smirk on Kai’s face. She hated it when she had to disclose her private matter, but Mina realized that she had nothing to lose. Kai was never judging her preferences, just like when Mina confessed it to him years ago.

“Why is it so hard for you to admit it?” Kai asked her again.

“Because I don’t know—I mean, with how I fucked things up, I don’t know if there’ll be an easy way for us.” The confession was honest, and yet it didn’t make anything less easy for her. “Momo is a good girl. She never doubts me even when I’m not entirely honest to her. And I think she deserves better.”

“You also deserve better,” Kai’s voice was sharp. He didn’t look too pleased about it. “You deserve happiness just as much as everyone else in this world.”

“Maybe I was cursed,” Mina said in retaliation.

“What do you mean?”

Mina looked up to see Kai, a rueful smile on her lips.

“Aijou Goro,” she watched how the frown in Kai’s face quickly changed to a look of horror and confusion. “The situation was poetically stupid. He came around under the guise of a client and asked me to work on a project for his company.”

Kai’s lips thinned out. “What did he do?”

“He knows that I’m responsible for the project, so he gave me and my team a lot of things to do. I ended up overworking myself and now I’m hospitalized.” In this quiet moment, Mina’s laugh was echoing through the room like a painful mockery. 

Everything was a mess and yet she could barely cry. Sometimes she felt like there were needles poking on her eyes, but her sadness only reflected in the shakiness of her breath and how exhausted her body was feeling. She just wanted to sleep, to forget all the sadness, the loneliness and everything else that made her feel like a prisoner.

However, she couldn’t exist like that. Reality was there to wake her up every morning, and there’s always something that kept Mina grounded to this life. Then she felt something warm on her skin, realizing that Kai had put his hand on top of hers, and her heart ached at the sight of a sad, understanding smile forming on Kai’s lips. She hated this.

“It’s annoying to see you miserable like this, you know.”

“Is that really weird though?” Mina asked. She meant it too. 

“You really don’t understand a thing, do you?” Kai sighed in exasperation. “How can you easily say that? She let you puke on her shirt and carried you here.”

An angry flush made its way across Mina’s face. “Where did you…?”

“The nurse told me that a woman carried you here, ignoring the fact that she stank like sin, and held you all the time until the doctor took care of you.”

“What’s your  _point_?”

“Hirai Momo cares about you. A lot. And you're an idiot for thinking otherwise." He pulled his phone from the pocket of his pants and began dialing a number. “So, I’m going to call Momo and teach you how lucky you are to have her.”

“What!? It’s working hours now, you’re just— and where did you even get her number!?”

"Admin," Kai replied, nonchalant. It took only five seconds and Momo’s faint voice coming out from the phone. Kai turned to Mina, giving her a look that’s best described ‘I told you so’ before speaking.

“Yes, this in Mina’s brother, Kai. Are you Hirai- _san_? Sorry to call you so suddenly but can you come to the hospital right now? Mina is in trouble.”

Mina was fuming, but she’s also smiling. Not too much though, but it’s enough to make her feel conflicted for some obvious reasons. She wished Momo would just ignore the call but, deep down, she knew that she wanted Momo to come.

“Done,” Kai chirped, obviously satisfied. “You don’t mind waiting 10 minutes for your princess charming to come, right?”

Mina wasn’t having any of it. She dropped onto the bed with a tired sigh.

“Whatever.”

*

Momo was standing by the door, heaving on her breath with her jeans and shirt wet from the rain. It’s surreal, looking at her girlfriend (yes, she’s thinking about that word) in a way that’s best described as disbelief and fascination—it’s fascination, mostly, and Mina could only stare. Kai was talking to Momo, but all she could listen was the unsteady beat of her heart, forming an echo that went from ears down to her throat, making Mina questioned if this was the reality she’s living in. This wasn’t a movie, Momo should’ve ignored Kai’s call and just visited her later with Karen, but Momo was here.

“Damn, you’re soaked,” she heard Kai’s voice. Blinking, Mina saw Momo was leaning on the wall, obviously catching her breath. “Were you running?”

“Bicycle,” Momo groaned. Her voice was getting even although it’s pretty clear that she’s tired. “It’s not easy to ride on it while holding an umbrella, you know.”

Kai’s reply was an amused chuckle. Even Mina had to smile on that. The mental image of Momo didn’t even think twice to use public transportation and chose to ride a bike while holding an umbrella was definitely a sight to see.

As expected from Hirai. Always acting on impulse.

“My, you have quite a stamina.” Kai was walking to Mina’s bed to get his bag. He knew Mina was listening, didn’t miss a chance to send a knowing wink to Mina. He pulled a towel and handed it to Momo. “Here. Wipe it up. Want a drink too? I have Pocari with me.”

Momo shook her head and suddenly her expression turned serious. “How’s Mina?” Momo didn’t waste her time asking about the most important question. The exhaustion in her voice disappeared almost instantly. “Is she okay?”

“Physically, she’s fine,” Kai replied. The tone of his voice was easy. “Emotionally, she’s missing you.”

Mina wanted to scream but it’d only make everything more embarrassing. In the end, she did one thing she’s really good at: lying back down on the bed and hiding under the blanket, quietly wishing for a black hole to devour her.

There were footsteps after that, and Mina dreaded that soft click from the door as it closed. She managed to peek at Momo though, dragged her eyes from Momo’s hair to Momo’s face, and her shirt, looking all wet, cold and uncomfortable. Mina huffed and braved herself to look at Momo fully.

“Are you okay?” Momo began. She pulled a chair and sat on it, wincing at the cold. “Does your stomach hurt again?”

Mina didn’t say anything. She just stared, stared, didn’t even realize that she was blushing until Momo reached out to her and pressed her hand on Mina’s cheek.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Momo was amused. The room’s lighting accentuating her smile quite well.

“You realize that my brother was just pranking you, right?”

“Can’t blame him though,” Momo laughed. She pulled away, and Mina instinctively leaned forward to follow the touch. “Then again, I can’t help but worry about you too. Considering…”

“I puked on you,” Mina deadpanned

“Just so you know, thanks to your vomit, I finally had a seat when I took the train. Apparently, I smelled so bad until no one wanted to stand near me,” Momo answered, and she sounded like it’s something that’s worth praise too. 

“Is that even a compliment?” Mina raised a brow, skeptical.

The curl in Momo’s lips was familiar.

“Wouldn’t say it to you if it isn’t.”

 “Talking about puking is considered as flirting now?” Mina blinked and she let out a choked laugh.  “You’re the worst romantic, Hirai.”

Mina was trying to keep it cool, but it’s difficult when Momo was openly smiling at her and making Mina feel like she’s fifteen again. She had Momo’s cheeks in her hands, thumb wiping on the wet skin—and Momo just smiled at her, like what they always ended up doing: enjoying each other’s presence.

“I can’t think of anything with all that rain.” And Momo never missed a single beat. “But, yeah, it’s a bit gross to think about it now.” Momo’s eyes landed on the food tray on the night table. “They feed you well?”

“Very well, although they could work on the taste,” Mina shrugged. She leaned her body on the headboard. “Kai brought me fruits.”

“Should’ve bought some snacks,” Momo added with a click of her tongue.

“You’re probably going to eat it all.”

“Hey, I can share some—oh, I can’t because your stomach can’t digest, let’s say, a bag of spicy chips right?”

Momo’s smirk was actually infuriating, but Mina had been staring at the ceiling for almost two days and needed to see something that could make her feel better.

“No worries. I can eat them, though I can’t guarantee if I’m going to puke on you again.”

“That’s definitely the grossest thing you’ve ever said.”

Momo was quick to reply, sort of cringing like she meant every word she said. Mina just laughed, rubbing her eyes. No, her stomach still felt weird and she couldn’t laugh too loud. This whole conversation was stupid but she just couldn’t stop there. Giggling, Mina scooted closer to Momo and watched Momo watching her because this time Momo looked like she’s waiting for Mina to do something— _anything_.

“Mina?”

“Thank you,” the whisper came out like a choked cry. “And I’m sorry for puking on you.”

“That was my favorite shirt.”

“Aw, I’ll remember your sacrifice for the rest of my life.”

The moment was quiet, intense, and Momo opened her mouth to say something—then closed it again, averted her look to the side, pulled her head back and shrugged.

“I’ll live with one less favorite shirt.”

“Really?”

Momo cleared her throat, nodding. “I still love you anyway.”

Mina clicked her tongue and laughed, breathlessly, at just how lame Momo was, and Momo was sort of laughing back. The voice in her head reminded her that she didn’t deserve this and the medicine she’d been taking was probably making her vulnerable, but who even  _cared_  about that? 

It’s too tempting, too close, and too good for her not to just lean in and kiss Momo because it's just  _that_ easy. One hand was gripping the blanket, the other’s creeping on the back of Momo’s neck, and Mina went on, pressed her lips against Momo with the same kind of passion like their first kiss.

The position was weird. Mina’s upper body was angled to the side and her stomach wasn’t too happy with that, but it didn’t matter. What really mattered was the fact that she accidentally nipped on Momo’s lip, and Momo reacted with a muffled mumble without even breaking the kiss—then there’s a squeak like Momo tried to stand and slipped on her own shoes, but Momo had her fingers curling on Mina’s dress, subsequently  _pulling_  it down until Mina felt cold around the shoulders. Momo’s tongue tasted like rain and  _please Kai,_  Mina silently begged,  _use that big body to guard that door!_  or something close like that because, really, the last thing she ever wanted to happen was someone entering the room and catching them in this position.

“Was that enough to compensate for your favorite shirt?” Mina was grinning, ignoring that her lips were probably bruised right now.

“Uh… that’s… um, thank you?” Momo was confused, setting down to the chair while her eyes running wildly around the room.

“We kissed so many times and yet you’re still flustered about it?”

Momo’s laugh was breathless. The flush on her cheeks was visible now that her face was completely dry.

“Maybe because you’re a good kisser?”

Both of them laughed, and that seemed to make Mina forget that rain was still pouring outside and the nurse’s going to come in 10 minutes for another batch of medicine. She pulled her dress up her shoulders and tightening the knot before turning her attention to Momo.

“Did you tell anyone that you’re here?”

“Only Akesaka. I was panicking and he just told me to use his bike. You know how he was.” Momo tapped her cheek as she tried to remember something. “Oh yeah. Ishida has a meeting with the production house this morning.”

Mina made a mental note to take Ishida for a drink once she’s out from this place.

“You better head back. I’ll ask Kai to get you a taxi.”

And everything just sort of settled down. They shared a look and Mina noticed the lazy smirk on Momo’s face, the glitter in her eyes, shining twice as bright, twice as gentle, and Mina wanted nothing but melt into them. And for once, Mina could forget that she still had to speak to Momo, like  _seriously_  talking because she couldn’t lie forever. Then, her heart grew slightly heavier with guilt as she realized that maybe she should open up to Momo because everything started to become a burden to her—

“I’ll come again with Karen,” Momo reached to Mina and pressed a hand on Mina’s forehead, letting her sentence hang like a promise.

“I know.”

There’s a soft click and Mina caught Kai’s head poking from behind the door. She pulled away from Momo, her pace was slow and reluctant.

“So, how’s my sister?”

“She’s getting better.” That was Momo’s answer and Mina knew her brother would never question anything further.

“That’s what I’d love to hear.” Mina was too late to evade Kai from putting his hand on top of her head. He’s an oaf of a man; his hand felt like an unnecessary weight on her. “My sister is a bit difficult, and I thank you for sticking with her.”

Momo’s blush returned in a vengeance. She’s laughing, obviously for keeping her cool, but Momo was a sucker for praise and that smile was sickeningly cute.

“Don’t mention it. I like having her around too.”

Kai was looking like he’s ready to say something against that statement but Mina, who’s not in the mood being the verbal punching bag, quickly opened her mouth and, “can you help Momo to get a taxi, dear brother? She needs to go back to the office.”

Kai rolled his eyes. Obviously, he’s not amused, but he complied anyway. “Anything for you,  _dear_ sister,” he replied with as much sarcasm as he could before walking off to take his coat.

“Thank you,  _dear_  brother.”

Momo gave a little jerk of her hand towards Mina as she followed Kai outside, giving Mina a quick smile as she walked away.

Mina returned to stare at the ceiling. The remaining time she’s going to spend in this place didn't seem to end sooner.

*

Mina didn’t remember much about the past few hours, but she was bored of staying in her room, so she decided to take a walk around the hospital. 

Nothing was interesting. Everything was white and gray, even the air smelled sterile and suffocating. She observed people, noticing that each person had a different way to react to anything. She passed in front of a young couple and overheard  _Sorry, we’ve worked hard to save your baby but—_  and followed by a broken cry from the wife while the husband was crying and throwing expletives to the doctor. Then she walked passed two elderlies and they reminded Mina of her grandparents. In that fleeting moment, she listened to the coughing, the wheezing, the dismal talking, and the rolling wheelchair.

Mina focused her eyes to the floor. She never liked hospitals and she’s making a mistake by coming out from her room. She didn’t mind where she’s walking and arrived in the cafeteria. Mina didn’t want to buy anything (she didn’t even bring her wallet), but she needed to calm herself. The place was half full with visitors. They talked at the same time and didn’t seem to pay attention to the television. There’s still two hours left before Karen come to visit her. That child already had it tough, she didn’t need to see her mother being miserable like this.

“Well, what do you know?” Mina hated the fact that she could recognize that voice. She pinched her eyes shut, refusing to face the very person she dreaded the most, cursing under her breath when she heard a screech from the chair.

It offended her enough that the universe always toying with her. She opened her mouth, ready to shoot every foul comment that was loaded on the tip of her tongue, and yet it disappeared almost too quickly when she realized that Goro didn’t come alone.

“Mom!” Karen didn’t waste any time to tackle her and embrace Mina as if she’s the only one that matter in this world. Mina, however, was more concerned with the man before her.

“Why are you here?”

“You’re sick, so we’re here to visit you,” Goro replied, almost as easy as how he fixed the position of his glasses.

Mina narrowed her eyes. Her hands instinctively held Karen’s closer.

“But why is Karen with  _you_?”

“I’m sorry, mom,” Karen blurted out. The look on her face as she pulled away from Mina was apologetic. “I know I should’ve come here with Momo, but granddad… suddenly appeared at school.”

Mina raised a brow. Did Karen mean that Goro materialized out of thin air or…

“What really happened was,” Goro cut Mina’s thought with a condescending smirk that made Mina’s stomach turn in discomfort. “I went to her school and pick her up. At first, she didn’t want to come, but when I asked her about you, she told me that you’re hospitalized.”

Mina sucked a breath through her teeth. She wondered how other people deal with a situation like this. The logical thing to do was definitely blaming Karen, but Mina’s not vile, and she would never give Goro that kind of satisfaction by showing weakness.

“You have your resources, Goro- _san_ ,” Mina growled, “maybe I should file a report to the police because what you did look suspiciously like kidnapping.”

“It’s not kidnapping if it’s my granddaughter.”

 “I’m aware that you have a thing for showing up unexpectedly, but this is way over the limit, and I assure that this will be the last time you’re fucking around with my life.”

The words left her mouth before she could stop herself. Mina’s not delicate. She’s sick and she’s not in a good condition to deal with any of Goro’s bullshit.

“Mind the words. We have children here.”

“Why don’t you keep it short so I don’t have to waste my breath from talking to you?”

Goro seemed genuinely surprised by the confrontation, yet his expression was only a small raise of his brow, and Mina couldn’t decide if it’s a good thing or not.

“I want Karen to cast on the commercial.”

Mina looked at Goro, then she stared at Karen, and returned back to Goro. “What?”

“Yes.”

“You’re not making any sense!” Mina hissed her reply.

“We’re running out of time. This project is going nowhere. It only takes a few weeks for us to launch the new product and we haven’t done any promotion. We’re also tight on the budget, so this is the only solution we can take.”

“My daughter is not an emergency plan!” Mina half-snapped, nearly glaring. “I won’t give Karen to you. There are a lot of child actors out there. I don’t care about budget. Your company has a lot of money to burn.”

“Mom?” Karen’s voice was small but it was enough to snap Mina out from her anger. She held Karen’s almost too tightly, forcing a smile to calm the confused girl.

“Fine,” Goro said this, and Mina could hear her heart dropped to her gut. She didn’t know how to handle that “Just remember that the project deadline will be in two weeks and I hope you’re ready to give us another solution.”

Mina groaned. Her gaze was cutting. “That sounded like a threat.”

“Oh no, don’t misunderstand me, Mina,” Goro chuckled in dismissal. “You realize that there’ll be consequences if your company fail to deliver the service, right? You’re not that apathetic to destroy your company’s reputation.”

“You don’t need to remind me,” Mina’s eyes were wavering, but her voice stayed firm. “That goddamn project of yours will be done.”

Goro’s just smiling.

“Hm.”

Cursing him to the seventh hell might not make her feel better, though Mina had a legit reason why she openly loathed that man. In any case, Goro was being passive-aggressive; years living with the Aijous gave Mina enough time to learn that this family was nothing more than a privileged riches who bully people around. It’s always been his MO and Mina wouldn’t fall for that again.

“Hey,” Mina winced when a cold pair of hands touching her face. Again, Karen was looking at her with the same worry. “It’s alright. Granddad’s gone now.”

Her fingers gently brushed the side of Karen’s cheeks. If she could focus her attention to the girl, then maybe Mina could forget the dull pain that began to form at the base of her stomach.

“They have pancakes here,” Mina offered. Her voice came out higher than it needed to be. “You want some?”

Karen didn’t seem too convinced. The little girl was smart and she probably realized that Mina was using a cheap trick to distract her.

 “Sure.”

Mina stood up from the chair with Karen’s hand in hers. They made their way to the counter, slowly, and Mina started to settle down and listened to the slow beat of her heart as their fingers began to entwine.


	11. Spiraling, presage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long, arduous chapter ahead. Proceed with caution.

_When I'm rolling with the punches and hope is gone_

_Leave a light, leave a light on._

 

_Coldplay – Midnight_

 

It’s already seven in the evening, and Mina still had more work to do.

Proposals, reports, the usual things. At worst, it’d take about an hour to finish. A snarl crawling out from her lips at the thought that she still had a meeting with Goro and his team for their project. It wasn’t a request; Goro directly _told_ her that he wanted Karen to cast in the commercial. She loathed the idea of her daughter being broadcasted all over TV and streaming site services. Society was cruel, disgusting even, and Mina didn’t want to subject Karen to any of that.

Mina rubbed her face, letting out a heavy sigh. It’s late and she’s exhausted, and she had no energy to finish everything. Idly resting in the hospital also didn’t make her feel any better. She bailed out, ignored the doctor’s order to rest for a couple of days for recovery, and went to work instead. Her mind was in shambles, too many things coming out at once, and Mina only wanted to live and stay sane for the rest of her life.

When she walked out from the room, she saw Akesaka was still on his desk, staring at the computer screen while drawing something on his drawing pad. Mina chose not to say anything to the man as she made her way to Momo’s desk.

It’s nothing special but Momo did make sure to make that chair comfortable if she had to sit on it for hours. The pillow that Momo attached for extra comfort felt really good against her aching waist; so good to the point Mina wanted to sleep away all of her exhaustion. She slipped off her heels, sprawling her legs on the smaller chair under the table. She looked up, realizing that the air conditioner was right on top of Momo’s head. _No wonder she always wears a jacket_ , Mina mused to herself. The quiet hum from the air conditioner and the slow tapping coming from Akesaka’s fingers promptly lulled her to sleep.

“Getting real comfy there, manager.”

“Akesaka,” Mina greeted back, voice firm but lacking the usual authority she always provided. Her exhaustion disappeared almost too quickly. “Why are you still here?”

“Working on the banner, revising for that son of a bitch TV commercial.” Mina chortled at the well-placed insult. Someone other than Momo finally shared the same sentiment as hers and Mina never felt this validated before. “No one will call me. I live alone after all,” he added with a solemn smirk without averting his gaze from the monitor.

As per usual, Mina didn’t understand a word coming out from his mouth although the additional information made him look a bit somber. Mina took a deep, measured breath, and willed herself to look more dignified, but she’s tired and the chair was a bit too comfortable. Mina didn’t have any intention to stand up.

Akesaka looked up at her and Mina felt her heart went to a brief still. The look in his eyes was piercing. “Are you okay now?”

Mina rolled her eyes despite the conflicting feelings she’s currently having. The attention was nice but the act was starting to get old as people kept acting cautiously around her as if she’s going to vomit a huge chunk of her intestines in the next five minutes.

“I’ll manage. Thanks for asking.”

And the man just sat there, staring at her, maybe observing her, and his dead-fish stare was unnerving as he told Mina, “Hirai’s not here.”

“And?”

“I’m not going to let you puke on my shirt,” Akesaka shrugged as he began typing something on the keyboard. “Only Hirai has the chutzpah to pull that one.”

“Look,” Mina said like a warning. Something was burning on the back of Mina’s neck, slowly creeping up to Mina’s cheek and stayed there. “It’s just one time. I was in a bad shape and Momo’s happened to be there and…” Mina stumbled in her words. She didn’t know how to say this without embarrassing herself. “Anyway, I’m fine now, okay? I’m not going to vomit on anyone again.”

 “Obviously. You can only puke on Hirai.”

“Yes—what?” Mina was too slow to catch on. Akesaka was grinning and Mina didn’t like what it implied. “What are you trying to say here?”

“It’s pretty obvious,” he told Mina. The tone of his voice was easy. “You and Hirai are pretty much becoming like those couples dating in Odaiba Ferris Wheel.”

Mina thought it’s unfair that Akesaka could easily assume things like that. His smug grin was quickly getting on her nerves and Mina didn’t know how to take that. The gears inside her brain were cranking to look for excuses, yet her reply was nothing but a feeble,

“Odaiba is in Tokyo.”

That’s not her proudest comeback. She also deserved the unimpressed look that Akesaka sent at her. This man probably—no, he _definitely_ knew. If she had to believe Momo’s story that Akesaka lent her the bike out of kindness, Mina wouldn’t be surprised if this guy had some ideas that there’s a thing between Mina and Momo.

“Both of you will go there. Someday.”

Mina didn’t immediately reply. Instead, she focused on the scent that was a mixture of lilac and honeydew from Momo’s jacket. It’s sweet and relaxing, and Mina tried to not inhale Momo’s scent too deeply.  

“It isn’t really that special.”

“Really?” Akesaka hummed, obviously interested. “I suppose you’ve been to somewhere more special then?”

She took a small breath, quietly settling down, and her mind wandered when she visited USJ that one time. “Universal Studio, I think. We did a lot of things there.”

“Ooh, so that’s why you and Hirai suspiciously absent that day!” he guessed with glee as if he just won a lottery. “Of course! Ditching the office and run away like a pair of high school lovers was more fun than sitting in this shitty building all day, right?”

Mina felt caught but it’d be useless to deny because Akesaka was still having that infuriating grin on his face. “Why are you suddenly interested in my life?”

“I’m just curious. You and Hirai are polar opposites, especially when you guys still at each other’s throat. Hirai is a dork and you always look at other people like they’re no more than worms under your shoes, but somehow you can make it work and it’s very fascinating.”

 “That’s oddly specific,” Mina deadpanned, feeling offended.

He waved his hands, obviously ignoring Mina’s accusation, before changing the tone of his voice. “I think some of us are getting suspicious, especially those gossiping girls over there,” he pointed at the desks where the girls from the accounting department seated.

Mina sent a brief glance to where Akesaka was pointing. It’s not a secret that those people would be the first to notice, considering they also the first who spread rumors about Mina when she first got here.

“What did they say?”

“Nothing yet, but ever since your accident and how,” Akesaka made an air quote with his fingers, “chivalrous Hirai was acting, people might have some opinions on that.”

Mina felt cornered. Maybe she’s getting too self-conscious, or maybe her paranoia was getting worse, but there’s this morbid curiosity within her that made Mina want to know what Akesaka think about her or, rather, what Akesaka think about her _and_ Momo. She looked at him right in the eye and straightened her posture.

“And you?” Mina’s voice dropped lower, tensing a little. Her fingers curled to a ball. “You don’t mind with,” her throat felt scratchy again, “us…?

 “I’m fine with anything,” Akesaka said honestly. His chair squeaked even louder as he eased down. “I don’t really care about what you and Hirai do, but I know that you work hard. Hirai works hard. We’re still brother and sister in arms working together under the spirit of Bushido, and that’s all that matters.”

The man was obviously rambling and Mina wondered if Akesaka stored liquors under his desk. This job was hard, demanding, mentally draining, and Mina could empathize if she found some of the workers here were secretly alcoholic. But his eyes were clear, and he was staring at Mina with some sort of clarity.

“Uh…” Mina scratched her cheek, realizing that Momo’s habit started to rub off on her, “thanks I guess?”

Akesaka nodded and his face turned flat again, easily changing his expression at the drop of a hat, and returned to his work.

“Where’s Momo?” Mina asked again, feeling rather awkward at the abrupt end of their conversation. 

“Hirai’s going to the convenience store to buy some food.”

“Pardon?”

Akesaka pondered for a second, then stared back to Mina with a frown as if Mina should’ve known better than asking him. “I think she said something about buying consommé chips,” he made a face and shivered. “Ugh. Why in the hell would she eat those?”

“Because they taste good?” Mina tried to counter.

Akesaka stopped a brief second. His face went through emotional journey ranging from surprised, confused, disgusted, and ended up in dismissal.

“Yeah, but that’s just… your opinion.”

Mina was defeated. _What’s his deal?_ Everyone had their own preferences, but Akesaka didn’t need to say that out loud! Mina loved consommé chips. Momo also seemed to like it. They even kissed once right after and none of them stopped— okay, maybe it’s difficult to stop once they started kissing, but that’s not the point right now. Consommé tasted good and nothing could change her mind.

“I’m going home.” Mina decided that she’d had enough of this spiraling, nonsensical conversation with Akesaka, and stood up from the chair. “It’s been nice talking to you.”

“Okay. You be careful on your way home, boss.”

Mina bit her lip, contemplating if she had to say something more. Akesaka had been helpful, in his weird own way, and Mina considered to take him for a drink someday. She gave him a smile instead.

“You too,” she said with a small nod of her head. “Good night, Akesaka.”

That one felt nice too.

*

The evening wind felt cold when Mina finally walked out of the building.

She’d left her heels and changed to a pair of flip flops that were mercifully comfortable for her legs. The conversation she had with Akesaka still lingered in her. It’s short, weird, but Mina admitted that it made her feel somewhat at ease. A smile easily made its way to her face the moment she saw a familiar figure approaching from the opposite direction, a bag in her left hand, while her right hand was holding a phone. The dim lighting from the phone illuminated a part of Momo’s face.

“Eyes forward, Hirai.”

 Momo let out a soft yelp when their bodies collided. It’s not enough to make her fall, but the impact brought her attention back to her surroundings. “Shit. I thought it’s someone else!” Momo huffed and shook her head before putting down her phone. “Finish your job already?”

“Yes, and I’m going to visit my psychic after this.”

Momo frowned. Her confused look was quite adorable. Alas, the lighting was a bit too dim for Mina to enjoy it. “Psychic? You’re going to the hospital?” she asked and stared back to her phone, probably to check the time. “This late?”

Mina shrugged and placed her finger on Momo’s chest. “Fortunately, the psychic is standing in front of me right now,” she enjoyed how Momo’s eyes practically went wide and how easy to turn this woman to a flustered mess. Mina then pointed at the bag on Momo’s hand with her chin. “What have you got there?”

Momo blinked and quickly retorted with a soft chuckle. “This? Just a few cans of beer and…” Momo rustled through the bag to sort out the goodies that Family Mart could provide. “Consommé chips.”

Mina caught a glimpse of beer cans inside the bag. “Asahi super dry…” Mina let out a dramatic sigh. “That’s some dad-drinks you have there.”

Momo grinned, taking a step towards the opposite direction with Mina following beside her. “I bet you never see a girl downing a dad-drink before?”

“Suntory premium is better.”

“It’s twenty yen more expensive,” Momo waved her hand in dismissal, purposely dragging her voice to annoy Mina, but she was smiling too. “I need to save some money for retirement, Mina.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Mina rolled her eyes. She leaned close to Momo and placed a quick kiss on the corner of Momo’s lips. A car passed by, completely unaware of them, flashing a light into the air between them. Momo, though, was grinning at the gesture.

They’d been walking for five minutes now—no words between them, but Mina had her fingers curled around Momo’s wrist and just enjoyed the warmth of Momo’s skin. She glanced at Momo, sidelong like she’s trying to guess what Momo was thinking at the moment. And Momo stared back at her with a quirk in her lips, looked up at the sky, and cocked her neck to the side. The gesture was simple and Mina didn’t say she hated it either.

“It’s okay to take a longer leave, you know,” Momo said after a while. “Ishida even let you rest until you feel better.”

“Babe, the house rent and Karen’s education don’t pay for itself.”

Momo hummed something as they kept walking, keeping Mina close out of some sort of protective instinct. “Yeah, but your health is important too.”

“I’m taking it easy now,” Mina replied, sounded honestly sad and guilty. She hadn’t told Momo that Karen was with Goro that day. It didn’t make her feel any better now that she’s thinking about it. “Thanks to someone who reminds me all the time,” she sent another smirk to Momo.

“Someone has to do that,” Momo replied it with a shrug. She looked a bit hurt, almost making Mina guilty for teasing her.

 Mina laughed and scooted closer to Momo. “Honestly, that incident makes me want to quit this job.”

“If you quit, I’d probably leaving too.”

That statement was uncalled for. Mina threw a glance at Momo. “Seriously?”

Momo was looking at her; the corner of her lips quirked in a solemn smile.

“It’s not worth it if you’re not there.”

It took Mina a solid thirty seconds to comprehend what Momo had just said, which was embarrassing for Mina’s standard. She was losing a beat, but then she looked at Momo, finding the woman was dead serious. The fact that Momo was willing to go that far was enough to make Mina felt funny in the stomach.

“A career double suicide is not romantic. At all,” she huffed, almost desperate at how helpless Momo made her feel. “You’re probably thinking it is, but being jobless in a big city like this is like asking for a lifetime humiliation.”

“You can come with me to Kyoto and work in my family’s inn,” Momo offered to her if it’s the most natural thing in this world. “It’s not a five-star hotel per se, but the locals recognize us and our business has been good so far.”

There’s nothing funny in that statement but Mina couldn’t help but chuckle at the implication. “That sounds neat but I don’t really want to bother you.”

“It won’t be a bother.”

“I don’t like the idea of depending on other people,” Mina confessed, sounding almost like she didn’t like the idea of it.

Mina almost bit her lip, mentally berating herself for talking without filtering her words. She peeked at Momo, but Momo just stared back at her with an expression that’s between confusion and astonishment.

“Fine,” Momo agreed, almost too easy. “You don’t want to depend on anyone, but,” she turned and gave Mina a small, solemn smile, “you know you need me and the others for everything else.”

Momo struck the right note. It’s neither cold nor oppressively patronizing. It made Mina’s heart constricted as if there’s a chain coiling around it. She was so stunned; her mouth hung open just slightly. Momo was right—no, Momo was _always_ right. Mina could proudly claim that she’s the most independent woman on the planet and yet she couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.

“You’re being unfair,” Mina stopped in her track and took a moment to calm herself.

The look in her eyes was panicking when she realized the weight of her words on Mina. Her converse slid against the asphalt as she turned to face Mina. “Please don’t misunderstand me! I-it’s just—I’m serious, you know, about you. About _us,_ ” Momo sighed. Her shoulders dropped in resignation. “I mean it when I say I want to help you, but if you think I’m being annoying…”

“You’re not.” Mina pressed her finger on Momo’s lips. Her eyes started to feel hot. Maybe Mina should’ve tried to be more honest? Or maybe she needed therapy to tone down that colossal ego of hers. “You’re doing so much and I have no idea how to repay that.”

Momo’s fingers were dry and warm as they hold onto Mina’s. Momo was probably the only person who treated Mina with such kindness, with a smile and honesty that hurt Mina more than a pile of knives. “You don’t have to give me anything.”

Mina looked away, unable to meet Momo’s eyes for some reason.  “I need you,” she said, slowly, under her breath.

And that’s when Momo suddenly pulled her into a small nook that’s hidden from the main street. Mina felt concrete on her back and Momo’s fingers on the back of her neck. The bag was somewhere near their feet, on the ground, forgotten, and Mina couldn’t see anything else but Momo’s face.

She remembered someone told her that feelings were nothing more than just chemical reactions, an illogical imbalance, a mess, just like when you’re stupidly drunk on alcohol, yet Mina’s here, sober to the core, and she knew that she’s losing her mind. She didn’t know how to react to everything that Momo had said and done to her.

“What are you doing?”

A murmur. Mina didn’t even recognize her own voice.

Momo spoke against the cold evening air. “I’m sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable.”

Mina chuckled again, more like she’s trying to hide the sudden weight that surged within her. “Just give me time. I’ll try to be better,” she mustered her strength to prove her point. They’d been together for some time and while Mina tried to keep her emotion from leaking out, Momo always knew how to get under Mina’s skin.

It’s unfair.

 “Yeah,” Momo was smiling as she pressed Mina’s palm against her cheek. “What’s important right now is I want to see you healthy and stop looking so sad all the time.”

Mina’s breath hitched and she longed for nothing but a deep hole to crawl into. The outside world slowly ceased. Cars, voices, and sounds—everything was muted. Her heartbeat, however, was getting louder.

Louder.

 _Louder_.

 ** _Louder_**.

Didn’t even stop.

It’s so noisy.

Mina couldn’t hear anything else.

She caught Momo by the hem of her hoodie, secretly hoping that this place was far from prying eyes as she pulled Momo closer to her. It’s maddening because now that they’re very close to each other, Mina was unable to hold the rush of emotions that went through her, pounding the same sentiment into her, that Momo meant so much to her. And Mina wished that she could tell Momo because that’s also important.

Mina swallowed. It’s useless. Her throat was parched. “You should stop saying that.”

“Saying what?”

Mina had a whole speech improvised through her brain but, again, her heart was beating too loud and it became really difficult to even arrange a simple sentence. And yet, she understood one thing.

“Saying things that makes me feel sad and happy at the same time.”

“Okay I’ll stop talking,” Momo laughed. Mina’s ears were ringing. That laughter was soft and breathy; the pitch of Momo’s voice rubbed against Mina’s skin, and she was shivering again. “Close your eyes.”

The kiss was like second nature to them. Momo’s fingers holding onto Mina’s jaw and Momo placed her lips on top of Mina, as natural as the attraction and adoration both of them had for each other. Mina found herself exhaled and bit into Momo’s mouth, thinking of everything and nothing at the same time. She held onto Momo’s shirt almost too tightly, definitely wrinkling it, but both of them were beyond caring right now. The air was cold and Mina’s hands began to shiver, so she quietly slipped her palm under Momo’s shirt, and moaned at the feel of firm, straight lines on Momo’s belly.

Momo broke the kiss and slid her lips along Mina’s jaw. Her voice was harsh as she chuckled. “Cold…”

“You never told me that you have—ah…” Mina gasped. Momo’s hands were on her waist, trailing a line down to her butt and gave it a firm squeeze. “…abs.”

Momo hummed against the skin of Mina’s neck. “Surprised?”

“With how you eat,” Mina instinctively turned her head to the side to give Momo more access to plant kisses on her skin. “Don’t blame me if I think otherwise.”

“So you approve it?” Mina scoffed though it easily morphed to another moan as Momo moved up her neck and gave Mina’s ear a soft nip.

“Okay, we’re not going to fuck on the street,” Mina gasped and pushed Momo away, reluctantly. Her face was flushed and it’s hard to maintain a stern look when Momo was visibly grinning at her. “And we really should hurry.”

“Of course,” Momo said in finality, but not before holding on Mina’s hand and pressed her mouth on the skin because _yes,_ it’s _necessary._ “Let’s go home.”

Mina wanted to laugh. She should, frankly, but the situation was too much. She’s awake, but not quite there, and the gravity seemed unable to pull her back from the clouds. Then she looked down at their joined hands, to Momo’s staunch shoulders, and felt hopelessness creeping into her.

Her eyes lingered on the side of Momo’s face and stayed there.

She had so many mistakes, but loving Momo was not one of them.

*

Mina had a set of rules: never showing weakness.

It’s more of a defense mechanism. She’s orphaned at a young age and she spent her youths mingling with old people rather than girls around her age; her marriage with Aki also didn’t contribute positively to her mentality. The thought didn’t make her happy, but it’s necessary to be independent and since the divorce, Mina had been doing quite well on her own.

She’s not always cold. Mina had a sense of humor, as dry as they come, and she’s not that emotionally stunned to have some sort of relationship. In retrospect, Mina wondered if she might be isolating herself more than she needed to. She’s trying to be a responsible mother, a respectable employee, and it’s justifiable because Mina wanted to keep everything under control. Those are her reasons for existing, to forget the doubt and guilt that’s starting to wear her down, and that voice whispering in her ear that _you’re never doing enough._

…Maybe she should seriously arrange a schedule with a psychic.

 And so she’s here, in the humidity of her bathroom, sitting inside the tub where the water was a bit too hot and Mina’s head was starting to make rounds. Long bath was relaxing because the heat could make her focus onto something else rather than the jumbled windmill of her mind. How long had she been here? Mina couldn’t even make out the numbers on the LED pad. Was it 36? 40? Her breathing came in a small, heavy puff, and Mina closed her eyes.

“Mom? Are you sleeping there?”

Mina stirred awake, blinking the sleepy haze away. There’s a concern in Karen’s voice although Mina thought it’s a bit unnecessary.

“No. Just drifting,” she breathed. The knots on her shoulders popped as she stretched up. “What is it?”

“I put your clothes on top of the washing machine,” came the answer. Then Mina heard a pat near the door. “Can I talk to you?”

“You can wait until I finish bathing.”

“Nah, I feel like I must talk to you right now,” Mina raised a brow, confused at the sudden request. “To keep you awake. It’d be bad if you fall asleep there and pass out.”

“Very funny” Mina rested her head on the wall, silently grinning at Karen’s wit. “Okay. You have my permission to talk.”

“The music competition is next week and I really want you and Momo come and see me play.” Karen sounded careful, but there’s no hesitation in that voice.

Mina shifted her shoulders upward, peering towards the door and caught Karen’s silhouette from behind the foggy screen. The girl was sitting there, unmoving. “I understand why you want me to come, but why Momo too?”

“She watched me practice although she didn’t understand a thing about classical music,” Karen muttered, both to herself and Mina. “I thought I should show her my progress.”

A knowing smile formed on Mina’s lips. “Just that?”

As expected, Karen went silent. “I want to make both of you proud,” came the explanation. It’s soft, a bit unsteady. Mina kept listening. “I want to show her—no… both of you that I work hard too.”

Mina unclenched her fist, eyes looking down at the water. Ideally, that words alone should’ve made her feel accomplished yet all she could feel right now was regret, coming at her in waves. Her vision was blurry. She blamed it on the hot water. “I’ll tell Momo about it,” that’s all she could say, partially glad her voice sounded normal.

“Thank you,” Karen finally answered. The silhouette stood up. The movement, however, was slow and reluctant. “Just call me if you need something.”

Karen left Mina in a deafening silence.

Something dropped onto the water in a silent drip, followed by a choked sob and wires around her lungs.

*

Mina woke to the sound of running water.

She made her way to the dining room, holding a wince at the dull pounding at the side of her head. Karen was already awake and she already put on her uniform. Black blazer, white shirt, an equally black tie, and her skirt ended just above her knees. All the dark color reminded Mina of a funeral. And as Karen turned to her with a cheery “Good morning!” and a brilliant smile on her face, Mina slowly came to her senses.

Mina watched her daughter put two plates of French toast and hard scrambled egg on the table. Her daughter spared a smile before pouring a cup of warm tea for Mina. Then Karen retreated to her own seat and happily dug on her breakfast.

“What?” Karen asked, raised a brow when she felt Mina’s gaze on her.

“This is weird,” was all Mina could provide. She pulled a chair and sat on it while keeping her eyes on Karen, trying to find anything that could give her a clue on what her daughter was possibly thinking at the moment. “You look very happy today.”

Karen’s expression dropped slightly. “Is that wrong?”

“No! Of course not!” Mina added in panic. Inside, she wanted to bang her head against the wall for being overly suspicious of her own daughter. “It’s just a surprise to see you wake up this early,” her eyes dropped to the food before her, “you made this yourself?”

“Sorry, I can’t make difficult breakfast like you always do.”

“It’s okay,” Mina replied. She took a bite of the toast, relishing at the taste. Even the scrambled eggs tasted amazing. “You did great.”

“Really?” Karen asked dubiously. “I think I burnt some of it.”

Mina looked down at the food and picked up a piece of toast, finding it extra hard in her fingers. “It’s not that bad,” she bit on it and winced at the loud crunch as she chewed. Karen’s expression almost made her laugh.

A blush was dusting over Karen’s cheeks as she gave Mina another sweet smile. “I’ll try to become better,” she said and it echoed with Mina in a way that made Mina feel sad for some reason.

“Morning practice today?” Mina began. It’s a beautiful morning and she’s in the middle of enjoying breakfast with her beautiful daughter. The mood was perfect and she didn’t need any unwanted feelings messing this moment.

 “I also have cleaning duty too.” They went quiet for a second with Karen preferred to look at her half-eaten breakfast before looking up at Mina. “Are you going to be late again tonight?”

Mina put down her cup. “I might be.”  Maybe it’s just her but Mina could feel that Karen looked strangely elated by the information. “Why do you ask?”

“Nothing,” Karen was a bad liar. It’s easy to coax the truth out of this girl because she always had a habit of scratching the back of her ears every time she’s telling a lie.

But not this time.

Karen’s face was normal. Her voice was firm and she didn’t even fidget on her seat. Mina, however, was not one to be deceived. She reached out to Karen and gave a small pinch on the girl’s cheek.

 “Ow! Mom!”

“Now you tell me what you’re hiding,” Mina teased with a grin as she playfully poked the girl’s cheek.

 Karen swatted Mina’s hand with a slight pout, sighing in defeat. “The competition is next week, so Kasaki- _sensei_ decided that we must practice some more.”

“Is it going to be really late? I can pick you up if you want.”

The girl retorted with a light scoff. “Mom, the school is just 5-minute walk from here. I’ll be okay.”

To that, Mina shook her head in disagreement. “I won’t be too worried if Goro doesn’t know where your school is.” She remembered their unfortunate meeting in the hospital and felt bitter at her own inadequacy. “What’s going to happen if he does that thing again? He’s not someone who just stops at ‘accidentally picking you up from school’”

Karen stared at Mina with a slack jaw, then a burst of laughter bubbled from the girl. “Mom, he’s not going to do anything to me. I’ll be fine.”

“But—”

Grabbing Mina’s hand, Karen brushed her fingers against the knuckles to calm Mina. “Trust me, it’ll be fine. I’ll give you Kasaki- _sensei_ ’s number just in case you want to call her to check on me.” Karen said this, but Mina couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

Mina let her fingers lingered on Karen’s hair; the words lingered between them. Mina could practically see the questioning look on Karen’s bright eyes. She wanted to say that she didn’t trust Karen, but it also meant that she’s going hurt her own daughter and made everything worse. 

Mina pursed her lips. She’s thinking too much—yes, she’d always been like that, but it’s different this time. There’s a sense of foreboding in the air and there’s nothing she could do to change it. “Okay,” she said in finality. “Just be careful on your way home.”

Karen gave Mina a smile, blissfully ignoring the obvious passing that ominously lingered in Mina’s heart.

*

Karen often came back home late that week.

Mina didn’t ask, but she made sure that she should be home early to wait for her daughter. And at night, Mina would cook dinner with Karen. Momo, of course, helped her with the dishes and the three of them often had dinner together. One time, Mina and Momo prepared a special dinner for Karen. Salad, pie, potato stew, steamed greens, deep-fried tofu, and sweet-sour chicken fillet. It felt like a celebration, even Karen was surprised at how extravagant it was, but they ate them all until their stomachs full and felt nothing but immense fulfillment.

Mina found Karen sleeping on the couch, still in her uniform and her oboe lying carelessly on the floor. She wrinkled her nose in distaste. She knew Karen was exhausted but she could at least take care of her instrument.

Mina picked up the oboe and put it back on its case.  Karen was snoring softly under her breath; her body looked small as she sprawled on the couch and Mina could imagine Karen would have a hell of stiff neck tomorrow morning.

“Karen,” Mina called, lightly tapping on the girl’s shoulder. The latter replied with an audible grunt. “Go sleep in your room.”

Karen didn’t respond. Mina sighed and carried Karen to her room, grunting as a zip of pain went up to her spine. _I’m getting old_ , she mentally noted to herself with a wince. The little girl, however, was still sleeping peacefully; she even snuggled her face deeper into Mina’s bosom, blissfully unaware of her surroundings. Then, she put Karen on the bed, carefully took off the girl’s socks and undid her signature twin tail.

Then Mina returned back to the living room to take Karen’s bag and her instrument case. The oboe was put on top of her desk because Mina knew Karen would freak out if she couldn’t find it. Mina remembered that it was hard for Karen to find something that she could openly enjoy. That’s why seeing Karen openly involved in music and even joined a competition brought a lot of positive changes in Karen’s life. Having friends who support her and overall peaceful routine definitely helped too.

Then, Mina continued to unpack Karen’s books. It’s not something that she usually did because she always taught Karen to be responsible with her school, so Mina treated today as a special case.

She returned to think about her job. After a long discussion, they finally decided that they’d withdraw from the project. The loss was inevitable and their company had to work extra hard for it, but it was also obvious that the job was never profitable from the start.

There’s a short lapse when her fingers suddenly felt slippery and the book she’s holding fell on Mina’s toes. A pained hiss escaped from Mina’s mouth; grade schooler's book these days weren’t exactly light. Cursing under breath, Mina kneeled to pick the book when her eyes caught a bill of 10,000 yen on the floor.

The first thought that Mina had when she saw the money was: _did Karen steal this?_ But she didn’t want to think about that. Instead, she picked the bill, gave Karen a brief look, and walked out from the room.

On her bed, Mina spent entire night staring at the ceiling with a heavy heart, asking questions, reaching answers, and found nothing aside from the deafening silence.

Mina pulled a pillow and covered her face, grunting.

*

Mina didn’t have the chance to speak to Karen about the money.

In fact, the girl was already on her shoes when Mina woke up, ready to depart. Karen gave Mina a quick kiss on the cheek and ran out, leaving Mina and her thoughts alone in this empty room.

The thought, however, still lingered like an awful reminder.

She worked hard that day, trying to focus on her job. Time went on fleetingly, and Mina was restless. Something was going to happen and Mina couldn’t decide if she’s going to like it.

“…oui.”

Whatever that was on her mind was rudely disrupted when she felt light taps on her shoulder. The realization was dull and unwelcomed as Mina recognized the faces before her. There were Ishida and Goro with his team; everyone was either looking confused or concerned (it’s exclusively for Ishida), except Goro because that man was looking bored—it’s his default expression too, Mina should’ve known. She’s sitting in the meeting room and the sky outside had turned to a darker shade of orange.

Mina sighed. This day couldn’t end faster enough.

“Excuse me,” Mina cleared her throat and eased onto her chair. “Where were we?” she asked, feigning normalcy.

“It’s about the contract,” Ishida supplied. He diverted his focus back to Goro. “I admit, our company is not ready to work on the project due to the lack of resources and manpower. True, that we’re supposed to utilize other options but,” Mina felt small under Ishida’s knowing look. She understood that Ishida didn’t mean any harm, but it still felt wrong to be on the receiving end of someone’s pity. “Considering that some of our staffs are overworked and got ill, we’ve decided that we are going to withdraw from this project.”

Ishida said it with the calmest voice that Mina had ever heard. He definitely knew about the risks, that the company would suffer loss, and the fact that he valued the wellbeing of his employees and decided to take the hard decision was enough reason for Mina to respect him.

“Well, that’s a pity,” Goro opened his mouth. The tone of his voice was grave, but it’s also oddly mocking. “You’ll lose a lot. Not to mention that your company should pay the penalty, and possibly a decline in reputation.”

“We know,” Mina quickly added. She didn’t have any patience for this man. “And we have discussed it with our legal team and top management as well. Just like Ishida- _san_ said, we can’t continue with this project. We will not return the payments that Hasamitsu has paid to us, but we will pay the penalty amounted 1.5% just as stated in the contract agreement. Other additional expenses will be our responsibilities as well so don’t worry about it.”

Mina was glad that her voice didn’t fail her today. Goro was staring at her with the usual unreadable expression while his underlings were nodding their heads; Mina didn’t want to know whether they agree or plain dismissive with the explanation. It’s definitely petty of her to generalize, but people from famous company always had a pompous aura on them.

“There’s no point of working on this project anymore when one of the party is unable to meet the target, right?”

Mina pursed her lips. She counted numbers in her head. _This will pass, this will pass, this will pass—_

“I’m pleased to know that you understand our position,” Ishida replied, his expression remained neutral, as he pushed a piece of letter across the table for Goro. “This is our notice of contract termination.”

Goro didn’t even bother to read the letter and just gave it to his staff, prompting Mina to roll her eyes. Politeness was out in the gutter. This man didn’t deserve any ounce of respect from her.

“We’re going to use this as a basis to inform our internal about this situation. We’re also going to discuss the penalty with our legal team.” One of Hasamitsu’s staff chimed in. Her voice was monotonous, almost sounded like voices that came from that translation website. She was probably trained to speak like that.

“Wait. What do you mean? The penalty is already stated on the contract. What else do you want to discuss?”

“Did you forget Myoui- _san_? Due to the additional task in this project, we have decided to addendum the contract and last time I checked, the penalty is more than 1.5%.” Goro raised his hand and to receive the copy of the contract that his staff gave to him. He nudged the rim of his glasses, taking his time flipping through pages before stopped on the intended page. “Let me see. In the event that the Seller is unable to fulfill its obligation _or_ terminating this contract before its intended time, Seller would become liable to the Purchaser for an immediate penalty amounted 2.5% of the Contract Price.”

Mina stiffened. Her insides felt like it’s turning to ice. She made a crude calculation in her head. 2.5% of the contract price meant…

“You want us to pay around 25 million yen,” she concluded.

“You’re smart,” Goro complimented—or more like mocking her. “Surely that amount is not a problem for this company, correct?”

Mina didn’t reply. Ishida, on the other hand, was looking like he’s going to pop a vein.

“Well, since we’ve cleared some misunderstanding, I believe we should end this meeting. I’ll contact you as soon as possible,” Goro ended the conversation and stood up, giving a slight bow to both Mina and Ishida. His staffs went out first, followed by Ishida until Mina was left alone with Goro.

“How’s your health, Mina?”

Mina didn’t care if her eyes could pop out with how hard she’s rolling them at the moment. She stopped by the door and glared at Goro through her shoulder. “I’m fine,” came the gritty answer.

“That’s good.”

Goro smiled at her, looking kind enough to be mistaken as a genuine concern. He exited the room and Mina, per the company’s procedure and for the sake of formality, had to accompany him until the elevator. They passed the working space where the employees were mostly working. She saw Momo in her desk, seemingly working but the woman’s eyes were planted firmly on Mina. She sent Mina a nod, a small gesture of encouragement, but it quickly morphed to hostile alertness. Mina averted her gaze and found Goro was also looking at Momo.

“You and Hirai- _san_ still together?” he asked, voice low enough for Mina to hear him.

“Not your concern.”

What followed next was a low chuckle. “Never thought that you swing that way too. Did Aki know about that?”

The walk to reach the elevator was never felt this long. “Not your concern,” she parroted, balling her fists to stop herself from another regret of a lifetime. Her heels jammed sharply to the wooden floor, creating a clacking sound that’s louder than usual and, subsequently, attracting unwanted attention from people around her.

Her vision began to blur but she could see that Ishida was already waiting near the elevator. Mina walked faster. Goro had prolonged his welcome and Mina wanted this man gone out of her sight.

“Before I forgot,” Goro called her again. His fingers were rough against Mina’s wrist, forcing Mina to stop and turned to look at him. “We already got someone to play in our commercial.”

“Swell. Now let me go.”

That wasn’t even a request, but this old man didn’t seem to get the point—or maybe his arrogance was too enormous to even understand the basic of decency.

“Tell Karen that her granddad is willing to drive her home if she’s too tired to catch the train. Filming can be quite tiring, you know,” he said to Mina. Each syllable felt like burning letters that craved deep into Mina’s skin. “And it’s also dangerous for a little girl to be alone at night.”

Then Goro left, giving Mina his smile and taking all of Mina with him.


End file.
